The Anonymous Blonde's Parlor Games for the Next Millenium

Play #1 Actor A

A pteradon landed in my yard yesterday.

(looks up) Of course, he was only made out of styrofoam. But still, a pteradon, isn’t that impressive?

Well, I thought so. I mean, weren’t you impressed I knew what a pteradon was?

(rising) I’m going to have another cup.

(still standing) Is that an interesting article? .

What’s it about? Not pteradons.

Swimming! That’s odd, for a magazine. What about swimming? Is it the physics of swimming or something?

That sounds like something from a woman’s magazine. (pause) Or a men’s magazine. Nowadays. (she starts to go, then turns, abruptly, balances on one foot) Is it one of those men’s magazines?

Which one? Is it Maxim?

Oh. I think Maxim is just delightful. It’s funny, because you don’t go swimming much.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you go swimming.

I guess not. (pause) That time we went to the beach, with David.

You didn’t swim.

David and I swam. We swam for a really long time, I’ve never swum that long with anybody, ever. I felt bad, we were leaving you on the shore, and I was worried you were going to get that sunburn.

That’s what you say! That’s English!

Oh. (pause) Do you really admire me?

Is that what you call them? Linguistically, you know.

I was, yes, I forgot. (pause) I just forgot, standing up and everything, I’ve just been standing here like an idiot for such a long time, isn’t that funny? Talking about – what? I don’t even know.

I wasn’t talking about David!

But I was talking about swimming.

I was talking about you, and your sunburn. (pause) Your beautiful sunburn, you remember I said it was beautiful.

Well, it was, beautiful, when it deepened, when you didn’t look like a lobster – the next morning, you know, you looked like Huck Finn, and I said you looked like him, and you said, well, you laughed, and he – well, and we were all laughing. And the sky was so strange that day, it was clear and lovely, but there was that – I suppose it was the heat, that ripple, everything rippled, like it was through smoke, and you had that wonderful sunburn, and we ate all that fish – and – I don’t know – it’s funny to remember things. It’s funny how sweet – all of a sudden – and the weather, nothing like today – the rain couldn’t have reminded me, unless it reminded me, that we were never going to --

Have weather like that again, I was going to say.

Well, I thought we weren’t going to – for a while – but I thought – now we could, maybe, it’s been a long time –

No. (pause) I know that. I know that, I bet I know that better than you do – (she starts to sit down) Anyway – A (rising) I was. (pause) Do you want one? Another one. Are you sure?

Well, I’m going to have another one. I shouldn’t. It can’t be good for me. (pause) It can’t be good for me. But, you know. We people. We’re so foolish, aren’t we. Wanting things, that aren’t any good for us. (laughs)

I’d better. (pause) It’s funny, though, isn’t it.

How we always just – we just want – we just want things we shouldn’t – things we just shouldn’t, we shouldn’t want them, and we know, it’s no good to want them, and we know it, but what good does it do us to know that, we still want them, and, you know.

Do you think – really? Do you think that’s a good –

(sits) I don’t want any coffee.

I don’t want to be here. (pause) You don’t want to be here.

You’re being sarcastic.

Do you still think I’m pretty?

It’s been a long time. (pause) It would make sense, if the gloss had worn off. By now. If you were thinking – you know, if either of us were thinking, maybe, I mean, it’s normal, if we were thinking, just a little bit, if we thought. That it wasn’t – worth it –

Do you think that?

Good. Good, I’m glad. I don’t think that, either. (pause) It is pleasant, here.

It’s pleasant. You and I. Magazines, and it’s so warm in here, and the rain, outside, it is cozy. (pause) We could be in a magazine ourselves. Could we be in a Norman Rockwell?

Well, anyway. It’s cozy. I like it. (pause) I like the coffee, too. It’s wonderful coffee.

I can’t.

I shouldn’t. It wouldn’t be any good for – it wouldn’t be any good for me.

Why doesn’t it matter? It’s not good for me anyway, I mean, too much caffeine, it ruins your sleeping, and I have enough trouble – going to sleep –

Okay. (pause) Except, I think it does.

It does. I want it to. I want to think about it.

I have to think about it.

I have to, I am thinking about it. (pause) I think I have to.

I think I want to. Keep it.

(sits) I know.

I know.

We decided. It’s just that I can’t.

I mean, I don’t even know – I don’t even know who – and if it were – I mean, if it were either of you, I couldn’t – I just couldn’t – and the thought of him. The thought of him. I mean, what if some good could come of all this.

Oh, Rosie. That feels sweet. (pause) It just seems – if you and I could take care of his – I mean, don’t you think that would be something? Something nobler. And if it were – yours –

You don’t.

All right. All right.

All right.

I’m sorry.

It’s not.

I know.

Yes. Yes.

%n.

It was in my bushes. That’s all I know. (pause) We’re going to be all right, right? You and I.

I couldn’t believe it, a pteradon. Must have been some neighborhood kid.

I felt blessed, really. I felt blessed. A whole prehistoric creature. My yard. I felt blessed.

All right.

That’s okay. I’m going to have another cup. (smiles) You’ll call tonight.

Good. I’m glad.