Suiting actions to words, you press your dirk (which he let you have for some reason) against your pale throat. Nemo turns ashen. "No!" he shrieks, tearing out his hair in a classic melodramatic gesture of horror and dismay. "I love you--I would not have you damage that precious throat for the world." For a moment you thought he was going to quote directly from The Princess Bride, but he didn't, and he gets points for that. So you put down the knife. He seizes your hands and with hot words of love, he professes his undying affection, if that's not redundant. You can't resist-- after all, he has his own submarine! You blushingly accept his declaration of love, but tell him he must work as a missionary in far-off Ind for five years before you will let him woo you. He refuses. You say, "Whatever." You date for a few months, but it doesn't work out, and you never give him his Joan Baez CD back.

THE END