March 1, 1848
We started down the trail with:

Everyone has a mission. Frozen Pete is heading to see a medical specialist, a famous German surgeon who may be able to unthaw him. Natalie Imbruglia has dreams of a big music deal. We also have two policemen with us who are on the trail of one "Lord Pontias" and his terrible gang.

Myself, I am merely a risk-taker, a plan-maker. I travel to travel, to experience a new thrill and a new conquest. I hope the trip will be extravagantly exciting. This is why we are all going to Oregon. We crave to savor life!

March 2, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.

March 4, 1848
We shot 503 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat. Hunting has been a blast! I love the thrill of killing an animal.

March 7, 1848
We have arrived at the Kansas River Crossing. Here we have a chance to do something truly exciting--to caulk the river and float across! Risking death! Playing with life!

March 8, 1848
The wagon tipped over while floating. We lost:
63 pounds of food
Frozen Pete (drowned)
Good Cop (drowned)
Poor Frozen Pete was far too heavy to swim. Good Cop drowned too. I fear that without his good influence, Bad Cop may get out of hand.

March 9, 1848
A blizzard delayed us 1 day. We camped near the grave of one Ken Frizzihair. That plus our own sorrows gave us plenty to mourn. Natalie is very sad and Bad Cop seems irritable.

March 13, 1848
We shot 319 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.
Nat Imbruglia has cholera.

March 14, 1848
A blizzard delayed us 1 day. I tend to Natalie. With her waif-like face and sad eyes it is impossible not to pity her as she slips deeper and deeper into her sickness.
We decided to rest for 3 days.

March 18, 1848
We decided to rest for 3 days. Bad Cop is impatient at the delay. He is certain that Pontias is getting away from him! He will barely let us stay here.

March 19, 1848
We lost 18 pounds of food due to spoilage.
Natalie is still not well!

March 22, 1848
We decided to rest for 3 days. Bad Cop has nearly accused me of being in league with Lord Pontias and he became very threatening. If only Good Cop were here.

March 23, 1848
Nat Imbruglia is well again. We continue.
Bad Cop is sick with typhoid fever. Let's see how he likes it!

March 24, 1848
We decided to rest for a day. I wanted to rest for more but Bad Cop insisted that we hit the road. Even from his sick bed he cries out, "Carry on... carry on."

March 28, 1848
We have arrived at the Big Blue River Crossing. Bad Cop crawls out of bed to question someone locals. Apparently the Pontias gang was here and they floated the river effortlessly. We can only hope to do the same.

March 29, 1848
We had no trouble floating the wagon across this time. However the crossing was very traumatic. We all have memories of Frozen Pete sinking to the bottom.
We decided to rest for 5 days. Bad Cop disagrees but he's too sick to continue!

April 1, 1848
We shot 493 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.
We lost 24 pounds of food due to spoilage.

April 2, 1848
Bad Cop is well again. Thank god! Now we may continue.

April 5, 1848
Heavy fog. Lost 1 day. Bad Cop fumes. Settle down, Bad Cop, you horrid little toad!

April 8, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.
We will now travel at a more strenuous pace. Bad Cop insists! By his frequent beating of the natives he has learned that we are well behind the gang.
We pass the grave of Uncle Froggy.

April 11, 1848
We have reached Fort Kearney. Here we learn that they have seen the gang, and they didn't let them in the fort. Bad Cop is furious that they didn't make a citizen's arrest! He pistol-whips the mayor and we continue. We are pelted with dung as we leave. This is all very hard on waif-like Natalie Imbruglia.

April 13, 1848
We shot 222 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.
We lost 31 pounds of food due to spoilage. Bad Cop holds a meeting to see whose fault it was. He accuses me! I didn't do anything. He's crazy!

April 16, 1848
We shot 559 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.
We lost 45 pounds of food due to spoilage. I take no responsibility for it. I think it was the bacteria.

April 19, 1848
We have reached Chimney Rock. Natalie Imbruglia has written a very nice song. It's about marrying a dentist and how nice teeth you'd have. We can't think of a title.
We pass the grave of Rod Zilla. Natalie decides to title her song "Rod Zilla." She works his epitaph into her song. "Moonlight becomes him... it goes with his hair. But if you're due for a cleaning... bacteria beware!" I think the song is splendid.

April 21, 1848
We have reached Fort Laramie. No one knows about Lord Pontias and his gang.

April 22, 1848
A blizzard delayed us 1 day. Natalie plays her song again. Bad Cop likes the part about bacteria.

April 23, 1848
A blizzard delayed us 1 day. Bad Cop accuses me of doing something to control the weather. Has he lost it?

April 30, 1848
Nat Imbruglia has a fever. We rest. No arguments! Shh!

May 1, 1848
We decided to rest for 5 days.

May 8, 1848
We shot 67 pounds of meat. Bad cop is taking out his aggression on poor animals... bad Bad Cop.
We decided to rest for 5 days.

May 10, 1848
Nat Imbruglia is well again. Let's continue!

May 14, 1848
We found some wild fruit. Bad Cop questions it brutally.

May 15, 1848
We have reached Independence Rock. I find the address of that German surgeon. Don't need that anymore. We throw it over the side.

May 17, 1848
We shot 352 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat. Who would think we would see a caribou in such arid wasteland! Natalie Imbruglia is inspired. She writes a song, "Lonely Caribou," about the joys and pains of being a member of Generation X.

May 18, 1848
We took the wrong trail and lost 4 days.

May 23, 1848
We shot 2 pounds of meat.

May 25, 1848
Heavy fog. Lost 1 day. Is Bad Cop mellowing? He seems kinder than usual.

May 26, 1848
We have arrived at the South Pass. No, Bad Cop is his old self. He shoots two old women who refuse to tell him about Lord Pontias. I don't even think they knew English!

May 28, 1848
We lost 32 pounds of food due to spoilage.

May 29, 1848
Heavy fog. Lost 1 day. Someone around here remembers the Pontias gang go by. He saw the vile Dog Brothers out hunting. He says it was a terrible sight.

June 1, 1848
We have arrived at the Green River Crossing. We make a startling discovery... the Pontias Gang got here and no further! They drowned in the river! Bad Cop's epic quest is over.

June 2, 1848
We had no trouble floating the wagon across. Bad Cop doesn't know what to do with the rest of his life. Natalie Imbruglia decides to make him her dancer. She begins sewing a sequined suit.

June 3, 1848
Bad Cop gets a nosering.

June 6, 1848
We shot 309 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.

June 9, 1848
We have reached Soda Springs. Natalie Imbruglia puts on a concert! We earn over 30 dollars. Good Cope is a really fine dancer, and Natalie's "Ballad of Pontias's Gang" really wows them.
We took the wrong trail and lost 3 days. Who cares? The search is over. I, as I have mentioned, am only on this journey for the love of adventure. And Natalie is writing plenty of great songs while on the road. I hope this journey never ends! Besides, when we get to Oregon we will go our separate ways. Can I be falling in love with Natalie Imbruglia? If she wasn't so damn waif-like I wouldn't be feeling this way.

June 14, 1848
We have reached Fort Hall. Here, another concert. Response is more luke-warm. The local yokels don't understand her art! Someone tries to run on stage. Bad Cop pulls out his gun and shoots him five times in the foot.

June 15, 1848
No grass for the oxen.

June 16, 1848
No water.

June 17, 1848
We shot 411 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.
No grass for the oxen.

June 18, 1848
No water.
Bad Cop has dysentery.

June 19, 1848
No water.
We decided to rest for 5 days.

June 20, 1848
We lost 48 pounds of food due to spoilage.

June 26, 1848
We shot 239 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat. Not only is Natalie a fine singer but she is a splendid huntress. She's as lovely as Artemis--except more waif-like. Did I mention she's elfin?

June 27, 1848
No water.
Bad water.
Broken wagon axle.
We couldn't fix the wagon axle, but we replaced it from supplies.

June 28, 1848
Bad Cop is well again.

June 29, 1848
Bad water.

June 30, 1848
Bad water.
We have arrived at the Snake River Crossing.
What is the point of all this adventuring anyway? I am content to stay on this side of the river. It's too dangerous. We cannot risk the precious spark of life that is in Natalie Imbruglia.
I am outvoted and we decide to cross the river. I am filled with a sense of dread...

July 1, 1848
The wagon tipped over while floating. I lost:
Mr. Rickety (drowned)
Nat Imbruglia (drowned)
Bad Cop (drowned)