The Plot... A donkey train full of government secrets has been stolen by the most dangerous terrorist in the world (John Lithgow). With the aid of a government computer expert, PETA hopes to intercept the hijacked goods and return them to their native land. PETA, with the aid of Bufford Benchstitch (Nicholas Cage), must jet ski through the jungle to deliver the pilfered thermo-nuclear explosives safely to the Argentinian government. As if this wasn't enough, he has a smidge less than 5 hours to do it. With the assistance of a crochety weapons specialist (Robert Duvall), the good guys must jet ski through the Swiss Alps to return the hijacked lethal poisonous gas safely to the English people. All this turns sour as he realises that his high school sweetheart (Catherine Zeta-Jones) has been working with the the bad guys. Also there is the madcap slapstick of a sass-talking black man (Dave Chapelle) who when captured by the evildoers says: "You are some scary ass niggas!" It won't be easy because a cop with a vendetta (Robert DiNero) has information pertaining to his lackluster criminal record. Just as the good guy are departing on their dangerous mission, they slowly all burst into a sing-along of Magic Carpet Ride much to the dismay of the PMRC . In a stunning climax the President recites a decree to the citizens of the world. As this moment of truth unfolds he says: "When I took office, they never told me THIS would happen. Drop the bombs, Commander." An NCAA computer expert watching at home answers this with: "I just hope he's right." Coming next fall. Rated PG-13 Running time 119 minutes Directed by: Ridley Scott Projected Critic Rating:

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