Fiction LNE
Fiction Friday

The Many Conflicts of Perdro the Elf and the Elves Committee

Chapter 7: Elf Vs. Its Own Kind

Black Morgan was a pirate who features very little in this story. Except that he caused the whole thing.

One hundred years ago, Black Morgan dropped a golden ruby ring from his boat. It was an accident, because he accidentally spilled some booty over the side by accident. He also dropped some doubloons, but they rusted at the bottom of the sea as gold is wont to do, and eventually became a part of Mother Nature again.

The ring was very lucky in that a lungfish found it and wore it to the Lungfish Dinner Dance that very evening. At the dance, the ring was stolen by Arthur Trout, who was actuallly a swordfish cleverly disguised as a lungfish which was chewing on a toothpick the size of a rather hefty spear.

Trout sold the ring the next day to a prawn shop . Two weeks later, the prawn shop couldn't pay its security money, so it got smashed up. The ring happened to catch the eye of a thug who then handed it over to the mob boss as his contribution toward the mob pizza party. However the thug underestimated its value, and instead of reimbursing him the extra, the mob boss put on the ring and told the thug it was worth very little so the thug had to give him twenty more dollars.

After several months, the mob boss was arrested and stripped of all his jewelry. The policeman who confiscated the ring scanned it for drugs. Since there were none he brought it home for his cat to play with. The cat ate the ring. Then the policeman died of a totally unrelated illness, so the cat went to the policeman's grandson Billy.

One day, the cat was sick, so Billy took it to the vet. The vet operated on it and while it was in there it took out the ring. The vet scanned the ring for drugs and since there weren't any it gave the ring to its brother Jack when it forgot his birthday and happened to have the ring in his pocket.

Jack thought the ring was nice, so he gave it to his girlfriend when he proposed. His girlfr--ahem--fiancee kept it always and passed it down to her daughter.

Her daughter was named Dead Lisa.

Dead Lisa worked in a donut shop where Perdro came every day. One day, Perdro noticed the ring and complimented Lisa on it. Lisa said "Thank you," then gave Perdo his order. Perdro went outside then ate his bagel then ate the rest of the bagels. The Elf Committee was so mad that he ate their bagels that they beat him up.