• Three Go In, Two Come Out, and a Squirrel Follows
  • Laura's Unfortunate Powerpoint Situation
    more..
  • The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Fourth
  • I'm Tito Jackson!
    more..
  • Why I Should Be Cutest Redcloud Brother
  • The Search for Something (Chapter 6)
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • The Lewgosset Musk World Domination Page
  • The Misbegotten Oregon Trail Journal Site
    more..
  • Flash

  • Quest for the Crown
  • The Empress is Dying
    more..
  • Fun

  • The L&E Boyfriend Generator
  • The Anonymous Blonde's Printable Activity Fun Pages
    more..
  • Books

  • Jacques’s Book Corner
  • Laura Notes: Stalking Darkness
  • Paul Says
    L&EPaulEmail

    A New Contest!

    My recent unjustified polemic against the USA PATRIOT act has aroused a slew of one to two emails all but accusing me of being "soft on terrorism" and demanding my immediate incarceration in Camp X-Ray to await my secret military trial. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize on behalf of Lance and Eskimo, who don't share my opinions because they don't exist. I'd also really like to take back anything I said that may have wrongly portrayed the FBI in a negative light-- for instance, if I implied that they're a lot better at harassing animal rights activists and Martin Luther King than at detecting actual wrongdoing, and if I further implied that the actor who played an FBI guy in "All the President's Men" had really nasty sideburns, I apologize. And if I never mentioned any of those things, I apologize for bringing them up now. I'd really like to make up to you guys, because Jacques is always forwarding me really nasty porn email he gets, and I don't want you guys to think I'm a pervert when you're reading my email with Carnivore.

    In war, it becomes really unpopular to criticize anything the government is doing, especially if they claim it's "patriotic," even if it's just about the opposite of patriotic. Civil liberties can get stomped on, and the judicial system can get turned on its ear and racial profiling can become the norm and no one complains. I think that shows a depressing lack of trust in the American system. Are our freedoms really our problem? And what's America without the freedoms we cherish? Just a really big country with Christina Aguilera in it, which means it's only 66% as good as before.

    But anyway, that's just my naiive take on things. Political commentary isn't my forte. I'm best at inane little Flash films and contests and stuff. I promise, from now on, no more politics! Just frivolity.

    With that in mind, I'd like to present my feature for today - a contest!

    The L&E "GUESS THE NEXT IMPOSITION ON AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTY" MEGA-CONTEST GIVEAWAY!

    First prize is an L&E mug! Second through infinity-eth prizes are a lifetime supply of Jacques's forwarded porn emails! Enter today! Just guess the next unilateral declaration by Ashcroft that crushes a cherished American freedom!

    All late-night talk show hosts who make fun of Bush must preface their joke with the admission, "Of course, I'm just a simple terrorist, but I think..."

    Democratic Party name officially changed to "Smell-O-Cratis Party"

    Govt. has right to change anyone's first name to "Osama bin" if they can demostrate "reasonable cause" to believe that it would be funny

    Right to trial rescinded (oops, already done!)

    Smell-O-Cratic party name officially changed to "Terror-Cratic Party"

    Japanese to be interned in camps again (just for fun)

    right to attorney-client confidentiality rescinded (oops, already done!)

    Bush given right to sleep with any maiden that he sees on his morning ride through his lands

    right to not be secretly executed rescinded (oops, already done!)

    Ashcroft given giant prosthetic bat wings and goes on tour of country, killing first born in every house without blood on the lintel

    *

    L&EPaulEmail

  • Company X #011
  • Company X #007
    more..
  • The Adventures of Rex Blunder, pt. 1
  • A Question of Semantics
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • The Return of Sauron (J.M. Hoffman)
  • Reductio Ad: Let's Have Even More War on Television (Papa Redcloud)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • Lance and Eskimo Babysit
  • Company X #010
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • The Lance and Eskimo Career Aptitude Test (Short Version)
  • Do You Assume Too Much About Other People?
    more..
  • Fiction

  • My Fool is a Crock
  • The Return Of The Don't Mention Panties Game
    more..
  • Movie Reviews

  • Star Trek: Nemesis Was Not A Very Good Film
  • Sorceress