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    A Day in the Life of Laura

    by Nick

    6:00: Laura rolls out of bed. Having so rolled, she proceeds to fall to the floor. Fortunately, her fall is broken by art supplies, notebooks, cups, spaghetti sauce, action figures and a smattering of other odds and ends which the undiscerning eye might deem a "mess."

    7:00: Laura is ready for school. She trudges through the grimy Rhode Island sleet to her bus stop, and waits for the damned bus.

    8:00: Laura finally arrives at her "alternative" school. She starts work on one of her projects, under the heading, "Advanced Applications of Math." This particular project involves combining pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters to make various amounts of change in a simulated "grocery store" setting.

    8:32: Laura's first daydream: she is captain of the Amber Benson, the world's swarthiest lesbian pirate ship!

    9:41: Laura hangs out with some of her misogynistic and intolerant friends. "I don't mind gays," explains one, "as long as you get to beat them." Laura sighs, and begins to calmly refute his points.

    10:25: Laura calls around, looking for internships. She tries for "library assistant," "secretary to a cranky person," and "carrier of secret messages for the mob," so that she can put "shy and quiet" on her resume as an asset.

    11:21: Laura's second daydream: Laura is actually in the Lizzie McGuire TV show! And now that she's here, things are going to change.

    12:15: Laura has lunch at the school cafeteria. The gruel isn't bad today, but Laura incites a small snafu when she asks for "some more."

    12:40: Laura works on her senior project, a humor magazine. She asks her mis./int. friends, to whom the highest form of humor is quoting "The Simpsons," for submissions.

    1:15: Laura's eleventh daydream: Laura's lesbian crew digs up the treasure of Captain Kidd. Only, instead of doubloons, they find--fancy-prancy pirate shirts! With extra ruffles!

    2:00: Having finished all her work for the rest of the year, Laura sneaks out of school. She will face consequences tomorrow. Dire consequences.

    2:30: Laura meets up with Rory. They both go to Laura's house.

    3:00: TV time! Lizzie McGuire and Braceface are back to back! Oh joy!

    4:11: Rory elucidates the intricacies of his new Magic deck to Laura

    5:11: Rory is still elucidating. Laura nods politely.

    5:12: Laura's fifteenth daydream: Buffy dies for the sixth time, this time for real, and Laura becomes the new slayer. She adopts an English affectation and starts hanging out all the time with James Marsters. *sigh*

    6:10: Laura has pasta for dinner. Laura ALWAYS has pasta for dinner.

    7:00: Rory finishes talking about Magic. He says good night, and Laura is left alone again.

    7:02: Laura finds Nick online and starts talking to him. Nick quickly tells her that he conveniently "has a paper to do" and signs off.

    7:05: Laura calls the University of Southern California in order to verify that Nick in fact does have a "paper to do." The USC operator is unhelpful.

    7:15-9:15: Laura manages to do nothing for two solid hours.

    9:30: Laura finally gets to bed after one crazy, frustrating, satisfying, normal day.

    E-mail Nick

    *

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