Fiction Brothers LNE
Fiction Friday

The Many Conflicts of Perdro the Elf and the Elves Committee

Chapter 2: Elf vs. Society

Perdro was a male elf and he was in love. He had ears that were pointy and fingers that numbered eight, all together. This included opposable thumbs so he did not have as many fingers as Dead Lisa, the donut shop lady, who technically had eight fingers as well but since she had opposable thumbs in addition instead of included with that number she actually had ten fingers if you include opposable thumbs but if you don't, Perdro had only six fingers but also opposable thumbs.

Dead Lisa was a girl and she had long hair. She had green eyes that looked blue in natural and artificial light. She had a complexion so smooth that you could play golf on it, and the ball would always do exactly what you would expect based on the laws of physics. She was a Newtonian golfer's dream. She was so beautiful that passing men would occasionally drop on the ground and retch out of sheer angst when she went by, knowing as they did that she was unattainable. For she had made a vow that she would not be in many relationships except if she really loved him.

So anyway, Perdro was having trouble with his committee. They kept on passing motions without his approval even though it was supposed to be unanimous! He would swear a blue streak when that happened, but it did no good. Perdro's days went like this:

COMMITTEE: All in favor?
COMMITTEE: Motion passed!
PERDRO: *&^$&@$&$(*@!!!!!

So in many ways, Perdro felt very alienated from the committee and indeed from the whole system.

"What would you like to eat?" asked Dead Lisa.

"A coffee," Perdro said. "And could you give me one poppy seed?"

"Just one poppyseed?" repeated the radiant beauty. "I don't think I'm allowed to do that."

"(*$^Q$#^$@&#^*#%," said Perdro miserably.

"No! Don't swear! I'll get you one." The cute worker suited actions to words. "Not getting a whole bagel? And where's your committee?"

"We aren't exactly seeing eye to eye these days," he admitted. "In fact, I sometimes wonder if it's all worth it."

"Do tell!"

"I mean, what's one elf going to do? I try to make headway aginst the mediocrity that's all around me, but sometimes I wonder what I've really accomplished. I mean, a committee is like a caterpillar with eight heads and no tail. You know what I mean? It wants to go in eight directions but it can never... uh... wag its tail."

"Mm hmm."

Just then tough Mr. Mister, the boss of the donut shop, came out of the back room where he had been making some onions. "No talking to the customers! You're fired!"

"And see, that's another bad thing that happened to me," Perdro said. "I got you fired!"

"!@$#$@^#%*#!" said Dead Lisa. "I never want to see you again!"

"Society," said Perdro.