Fiction Brothers LNE
Fiction Friday

The Many Conflicts of Perdro the Elf and the Elves Committee

Chapter 6: Elf Against Beast, Where Beast Is Not Symbolic of the Elf's Inner Nature But is In Fact A Real Beast

"It is the most dangerous game of all," said the bear.

Perdro was standing dripping in the bear's nice study. The bear was sitting at his desk and looking at Perdro and smiling coyly. Behind him stood another taller bigger bear, the strong silent type.

"I wish I had never landed on this lousy island," said Perdro fiercely.

"It would be better for you if you had. After all, we mean to eat you."

"But--" prompted Perdro.

"But... we mean to give you a fighting chance. We will set you free and hunt you, the way you hunt a giant bear! You see, you are the most dangerous game of all."

Perdro was remembering this conversation later while he was in the woods. He had lost the hunters--for a while.

Just then there was a rustling in the bushes. "Yoo hoos," said the bear, emerging from a thicket with his friend. He was wearing a green flak jacket.

The friend was also wearing a flak jacket. "It's yoo hoo, not yoo hoos," he said. "You sound like an idiot."

"Stop jabbering!" said the head bear. "Now look, the elf got away!"

Indeed, Perdro had taken the opportunity afforded him by the ursine byplay to run like dickens. Now he was climbing a tree, and he had lost the bears.

Perdro looked around. If only he could make a boat! But taht would take months, especially if he wanted to make a really nice boat, and he could never evade the bears for so long.

But meanwhile he had to find a hiding place. He began looking for one...

Finally, exhausted and weary, he stumbled upon a little cave. He hid in it and dragged a rock over himself so he would not be seen.

Soon the bears passed by.

"I'm sure I saw him go this way," said the more quiet bear.

"By gum, you've been wrong before," responded the shorter but more domineering bear.

"I know it. But I smell him this way.

Uh oh. The bears... had a sense of smell? Perdro knew he was doomed if he stayed where he was. So he bolted.

"Get him!" The lead bear began hitting the other bear, who was trying to shoot Perdro with a big rifle that he had, but the other bear's hidding didn't encourage the big bear, it just made him miss.

Perdro ran and he could hear the others after him. His breath burned his lungs as he gasped for breath. His heart felt like a metronome that was on its highest level. Vision blurred... truly this was a very dangerous game... for him!

Then Pedro had eluded the bears again. There was a brook ahead. He jumped in it and ran down the course of the brook for a while. This made it much harder to track him, because the bears couldn't smell in water, since water disabled smell. Also, when he came out of the brook, he had very clean feet, also hard to smell.

Now Perdro had eluded the bears... for a while.

Later, Perdro found his wayt to the mansion of the gate of the mansion where first he had gone when he washed up on shore. He remembered that part of the adventure...

Perdro, dripping from his time in the ocean after landing there after escaping from the evil god Joe's table of evil, dragged himself to the gate. It was a big iron gate with metal bears playing frisbee cunningly worked into the design of the metal of the gate. Perdro though nothing of this but rang the doorbell.

Soon Jeeves, the robot butler, answered the door. "Come in, sir. The master will see you now."

Perdro was let in and put at his ease by gifts of mints and coffee. Soon would come the interview and he would realize that they meant no good though...

But all that was in the past. Now he was at the gate. He rang the bell. Jeeves answered. "The master is away, sir," he said.

"Let me in, I am the master."

The robot was no fool. "No you're not, the master is a bear."

Perdro went away, defeated for now...

Soon a bear came to the door.

"Ah!" said Jeeves. "You are a bear. Come in, Master."

"Excellent," said Perdro. Our reader willhave divined by now that the "bear" was no other than Perdro in a cheap fake bear mask. Perdro quickly went upstairs.

Soon the real bears came to the door. "Hello, master," said Jeeves, who had a short memory (because Perdro had greased his palm with a couple of crisp Andrew Jacksons) and neglected to tell his master that he was already home. "Any luck catching that elf?"

"No," said the bears, giving their guns to Jeeves to put away.

"I tell you he's out there, and it's our duty to find him before he harms the wildlife!" insisted the larger bear as they went up the steps.

"Tush, tush." The lead bear pronounced "Tush" to rhyme with "Rush" and not with "Bush." If pronounced like "Rush" it is an expression of dismissal, like "Horse pockey" or "Bosh." If pronounced like "Bush" it means your butt.

"It's all very well to say tush now, but what about when he chops down some trees to make a boat?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." El Numero Uno Bear stopped in dismay as he entered his study.

For leaning back in the bear chair, with his feet on the table and a rifle in his hand, was Perdro.

"How did you get in here?"

"With this." Perdo threw the mask at the bear's feet. "That'll teach you to buy cheap robots. Yours is stupid and dishonest."

"Hey!" said Jeeves, who had followed the bears up the stairs.

"Anyway," continued Perdro, "I'm glad you're all here. Because I have a grand idea for a game."

"What's the game?" asked the taller and stupider bear, who was thinking of something like tennis, doubles, with Perdro and Jeeves on one team against the two bears.

"Well, you're the game," Perdro said. "The most dangerous game of all................................"