Three Go In, Two Come Out, and a Squirrel Follows

Part 3 (The Last Part)

"So I saw Zizzy this morning," Trakis mentioned the next morning at breakfast. Cam was having bacon and eggs; Trakis, the head cheerleader. When I say "having" I don’t mean "eating", at least, not in both statements. I mean that Cam was "having" bacon and eggs as in "eating" and Trakis was "having" the girl as in "having sex with". You see, it’s a very tangled web we weave.

"Yeah?" Cam asked innocently through a mouthful of egg.

"She happened to mention that you two made up."

"Yeah?" Cam felt his heart sink.

"And when I asked why—"

"Yeah?" His voice was barely a whisper now.

"She said you agreed that I was the squirrelliest."

Cam said nothing.

"I." Trakis repeated it, just for effect.

Cam gulped.

"Now, you know that’s not true."

"Oh, come on, Trakis," Zizzy’s voice rang from the doorway. Both boys looked up to see her standing there, smirking. "With your chubby cheeks and fondness for nuts?"

"I don’t have chubby cheeks," said Trakis. "Sex fiends do not have chubby cheeks."

"Normally they’re not that chubby," Zizzy agreed, "only when they’re full of nuts."

Trakis would have beaten her down, but Cam held him back.

Zizzy took a packet of peanuts from her pocket. "Wanna nut?" she cracked wittily.

"Rraagh!" Trakis cried, and, shrugging, Cam let him go. Trakis lunged at her. She screamed and jumped out of the way, but Trakis grabbed her and the two engaged in combat for about seventeen minutes before Trakis caught a girl walking by in his peripheral vision.

"Thanks a lot," said Zizzy haughtily, tearing up her shirt to soak up the blood.

"Sorry," said Cam, "but you asked for it."

"Maybe I did, at that," Zizzy conceded, putting her arms around Cam and kissing him gently on the lips. "Are we still friends?"

"I guess so, but you know, you really shouldn’t make fun of Trakis just because you have insecurities about your own squirrelliness."

Zizzy drew back abruptly. "Are you saying I’m the squirrelliest?"

"I’m just saying it’s a possibility."

Zizzy threw her blood-soaked rag-shirt at him. "God damn you, Cameron Reicy! I don’t know why I even bother with the likes of you!"

As she stalked out, Trakis re-entered, a pink-clad girl in his arms. He watched Zizzy go. "Who needs her," he commented.

"Me, for one," said Cam. "Damn, she’s a pain sometimes, but I can’t live without her. Y’know?"

"Of course I don’t." Trakis picked the girl’s shirt buttons off with his teeth. She giggled. Spitting out a button, Trakis commented, "I don’t even know this girl’s name!"

The girl was giggling too hard to answer. Cam didn’t blame her. He’d have giggled too, if he had someone licking his belly-button.

"Listen, Trake, maybe she’s right, you know?"

"What?"

"I mean, you are kind of chubby-cheeked. Maybe you are the squirrelliest."

For the second time that afternoon, Cam had something thrown at him. This one screamed.

It was a day and a half before Cam heard from either of them. Through four meals, he sat alone, trying to catch the eye of one of his friends. Whenever he did, they turned, crying "Hmph!" By lunch the next day, he was pretty used to it. So he was surprised when, at dinner, Zizzy approached him.

"I’m not here to apologize," she said immediately, "or listen to any lame apology you have. I’m just here to say there’s only one way to settle this dispute and we both know what it is. Tomorrow is the last day for the science fair. I’m going to be at the convention center tonight at midnight. You had better show up too."

"You mean break in and use the squirrelliness machine?"

"What else?"

"But one of us will be a squirrel," said Cam. "Forever."

"Are you afraid?" Zizzy asked tauntingly. "Are you admitting you’re the squirrel?"

"No! I’m just..." Cam frowned at his meal. "Fine. Whatever."

"You’ll be there?"

"Yeah."

"You better," said Zizzy. "Trakis is coming, too. If one of you doesn’t show up, we’ll all know who’s the squirrelly one."

It was hell waiting for midnight. Cam tried several times to start his homework, but he was too nervous and ending up just writing answers like "The answer to this question is lies deep in the heart of the beast who keeps the eternal secrets of the universe" and "If you think about it, there really is no one answer to this question--or any of its brethren."

He lay on his bed for awhile, but he was afraid he’d fall asleep, so he sat up and turned on his music. He just sat there for awhile, sitting on his bed tensely with the music on. He wished Zizzy and Trakis would just drop the whole squirrelliness thing, but he knew they never would. They were both far too stubborn. Hell, if they weren’t, they probably wouldn’t be his friends. But it was a pain in the ass sometimes.

Finally, at twenty to twelve, Cam put on his jacket and headed out. He wasn’t three blocks from the campus when he spied Trakis walking in the same direction.

He walked behind Trakis for awhile, afraid to speak. But finally Trakis stopped. "I see you there, Cam. Come on."

Cam jogged forward a bit. "Hey, Trakis," he said, as cheerfully as he could. "No girls tonight?"

"This is between you, me, and Zizzy," he said seriously.

"Yes. I know."

Trakis stopped suddenly. "Cam, you’re my best friend." He sounded almost on the verge of tears. Cam had never seen him this serious. "If one of us doesn’t come out of this..." He swallowed. "Listen, man, I’m sorry I got mad at you before. You were just standing up for your girlfriend. I know, I know. She’s not really your girlfriend but... you love her. I know that. I’ve never really been in love, you know?"

He sounded nervous. Cam said, "Trakis, this isn’t like you..."

"I know, god damn it, I’m being serious for once. So listen up." Trakis stared at him hard. "Cam, whatever happens, if one of us doesn’t come out of this, I’m not mad at you. If one of us doesn’t make it..." He swallowed. "I love you, man."

"Trake..." Cam trailed off when Trakis put a finger to his lips.

"There’s more," said Trakis quietly, moving his face towards Cam’s. Cam was surprised to feel his friend’s soft lips press against his.

"Trakis..." Cam whispered when it was all over.

"What?"

"Nothing. Let’s get going."

They met Zizzy at the gate to the convention center. "I thought you’d never show up," she snapped.

"Zizzy, listen to me," Cam said sternly. He grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her.

"I’m listening," she said.

"Didn’t the kiss say it?"

She shook her head.

"I’ll say it then. I love you. Hear that? I love you."

"I love you too," said Zizzy quietly, making little circles with her finger on Cam’s shirt.

"Then why do you want to lose me?"

"You wouldn’t necessarily be the one to..."

"All right, Trakis then, or you. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose Trake either. I don’t know about either of you, but I’m stepping out. I refuse to go in. You can go in there just the two of you. I’ll be the squirrelly one, if that’s what it takes!"

"Don’t bother," said Trakis. "I refuse, too. It’s either one of us. Hear that, Ziz? You’re safe."

Zizzy was staring at the ground, tears welling up in her eyes. "I don’t care. It’s probably me anyway."

"Aw, come on, Ziz. It’s not you."

"It is. You guys are too good to me, you know that? You’re only trying to protect me, don’t think I don’t know it... you know I’d be the squirrelly one so you refuse to go in there with me. Even if it means you officially lose."

"Zizzy..." What she said wasn’t true, but it did make Cam and Trakis sound more valiant. Cam wasn’t sure how to put things right.

Trakis knew, though. He just smiled at her and put his hand on her shoulder. "You know I don’t hit on you because I know Cam is so goddamn in love with you."

All of a sudden Zizzy threw her arms around Trakis’s neck. Trakis just held her for awhile. Cam didn’t think he’d ever seen Trakis just stand there for so long with his arms around a girl, not trying anything funny. As soon as he did start fooling around Cam stepped in.

"Come on," he said, redirecting the girl’s attentions towards himself. "Let’s go home."

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