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Jeff's Berry Dream Soda Logo

Jeff's Berry Dream Soda Bottle
Extinct Beverage Tasting:
Jeff's Berry Dream Soda

Walking into Paul's house that day, I hardly expected anything out of the ordinary. Maybe we'd watch a lousy movie. Maybe we'd watch Tech TV. Maybe we'd just sit around and talk about how we wished we were computer hackers in the early to mid eighties. The usual stuff.

What I saw on Paul's counter shocked me. Two bottles of Jeff's Berry Dream Soda. People began coming out of the woodwork. Laura, Caolan, Nick and assorted other unfortunate fools happened to be around. With great speed Paul broke out the tasting goblets and we poured away. 9.5 ounces of drink between seven people. We thought that that would be cutting it close. We never could have guessed how much we'd have left over.

The benefit of having many people is that you get to hear many different views on the quality of the drink. Our views didn't really conflict that much. Our reviews basically acted just like a thesaurus entry for the word "gross'.

Jeff does a poor job of advertising the website for this drink. I find it humorous that their email address is I'm also amused that they don't mention their own website,, let alone have an email address on it.

If you haven't seen their website,, I suggest you visit it. You know those websites that say "Last Updated on March 6, 1998" on the bottom? You know how you always think, "Boy. Web design has sure come a long way. This site looks awful!" ? Well imagine that date reading "March 6, 1996" instead and you'll have a clear concept of the level of design you are about to witness.

I'm going to try avoiding the easy line: "More like Jeff's Berry NIGHTMARE!" but it's going to be hard.

Contrary to what intuitive thinking may lead you to believe, Jeff is not involved with the making of this beverage. So you may be wondering who could bring you such a beverage? Wonder no more! It's the two gentlemen below in the poorly drawn frames!


And now on to the tasting...

The Six Eses
The Tasting


It's pink just like Pepto Bismol. Caolan mentions that it looks like the time she threw up sorbet. Chris imagines that clown snot looks remarkably similar.


Smells like a mixture of berries, dust, orange creamsicle, fermented Pepto Bismol and just basic sickness.


I have never had bubblegum stew, but I would imagine that this is what it would taste like. It's just wrong. It's like liquified pop rocks and badness.


Paul declares: "It makes my stomach sad." I'll take it a step farther and say: "It makes my soul sad." It's sweet and horrible. The consistency is very thin and disgusting. It's like skim milk, liquified bubblegum, pepto bismol and ginger ale. Raw egg is also a prominent flavor/sensation that is experienced.


The after effects were shocking. Numbness seemed to come over all of our mouths (thankfully). The total list of badness tasted and experienced in this beverage is as follows:

  • Children's Tylenol
  • mucous build-up
  • nausea
  • raw egg
  • pepto bismol
  • car sickness
  • Strawberry Quick
  • Now & Later
  • Bubblegum Stew
  • clown snot
  • regurgitated sorbet
  • dust
  • Pop Rocks
  • novocaine
  • skim milk


We split the drink seven ways. When we were all sickened by the drink and decided to stop drinking our meager portions we got out a funnel and put them back into the bottle. The 9.5 ounce bottle was over half full.

A day later as I write this I am still experiencing numbness on my tongue. It's the same kind of numbness you get when you burn your tongue. My fellow L & E comrades agree.

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