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KMX Logo
Extinct Beverage Tasting:
KMX Energy Drink

As you can well imagine I was extremely disappointed to find out that KMX Energy Drink did not have its own website. There are so few mentions of KMX on the internet that I had to settle for blowing up this tiny little graphic of their logo which was the only one I could find. Having so few references to it on the internet, especially in this day and age, is one of the many ways that a keen Endangered Beverage Spotter such as myself can spot a soon to be extinct beverage. With the recent destruction of its natural habitat (rich fools who like spending more that $2.00 for a little more than 8 ounces of beverage) I slate it for extinction some time early next year.

I found this one in a local Deli (which is incidentally the best deli in the world) and couldn't pass it up. I always purchase two cans/bottles, one for the museum and one for my belly. There was no price on the cans but when I brought them to the register I found that I had spent $2.75 each. Yikes! In case you don't believe me, here's the receipt:

Jim's Deli Receipt

I recently purchased 2 cases of Stop & Shop Cola for $3.00. That's 288 ounces of drink for just a quarter more! And my stomach doesn't hurt for an hour after drinking Stop 'N Shop Cola. In fact my stomach screams out: "Sensational!" just like the side of the can! And I don't appreciate the "anorexic Coors Light can" design they use to try to fool you into thinking that it's a lot of liquid.

So with so little information on the internet, and no website to ridicule, I have very little besides the liquid contents to judge. One point of interest is that on the side of the can are written short little "daily affirmation" type sayings. For example:

Be Bold.
Stay focused.
Don't miss a beat.
Be ready
for what's
out there.

Inspiring! Now onto the liquid that is going to spiritually awaken us!

The Six Eses
The Tasting


When pouring the KMX into the standard plastic cup designated for extinct beverage tasting, a red color (something like Red Bull should have) is displayed. As the cup fills it is revealed to be a more disturbing brownish color. Not dark enough to be a cola, not light enough to be an orange soda. But just brown enough to remind you of poop.


Pew! It smells like some sort of spoiled tropical fruit. Just recently I threw out a mango from my kitchen that had seemed like a good idea when I purchased it. The smell of KMX reminds me of the rotten mango that ended up in my trash can.


Not as bad as I expected. It still has that overly acidic taste that goes hand in hand with nasty energy drinks but not as bad as most. It definitely has that super sour tart taste. You remember the sour tarts that were in the shape of little ducks and they were so hard that they broke your teeth? No? Well trust me, they exist and they taste just like KMX.


As it lingers it makes your mouth want to die. The acid coats the inside of your mouth and you get a flashback to your childhood, overdosing on candy on Halloween night. Remember the feeling of eating way too many sweets and then all of a sudden realizing that you would rather die than eat anymore? The feeling of snickers bars, almond joys, candy cigarettes, jolly ranchers, horehouds (yuck), gummi worms, blow pops, candy necklaces and sour patch kids just sitting in your stomach. Imagine if on Halloween night you ate only sour patch kids. Imagine how your stomach would feel after eating about three pounds of sour patch kids. It would most likely be something akin to the feeling of drinking 3 ounces of KMX.


It may seem that my beverage reviews tend to be rather over dramatic but I assure you that I'm not exaggerating about this: My mouth suddenly feels like it is on fire and my stomach begs me to stop drinking. It actually burns like I have just spent the last twenty minutes eating buffalo wings. I estimate to have drunk about three ounces of liquid and already am experiencing some of the worst gas I've ever had. I guess farting and burping produce a sort of energy but this isn't what I had in mind. Paying $2.75 to drink 8.4 ounces of liquid, have explosive flatulence and feel my stomach in turmoil isn't exactly my idea of a good time. My advice, save $2.00 and invest in a can of Bush's Baked Beans. They taste better, they fill you up and the produce the same results.

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