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Slimdown Can
Extinct Beverage Tasting:
Hansen's Slimdown

You can tell when you first set eyes upon this drink that it is--as all Hansen's Products are--a health drink for idiots. Written on the can in huge letters are the words: "Pyruvate, Chromemate & Citrimax." Well we don't know what those words mean so... they must good for you! If that's not enough then they continue on the back of the can with: Garcinia Cambogia (I thought that was a country in South-East Asia), L-Carnitine and Coenzyme Q-10. Impressed yet?

This drink contains 0 calories, 0mg of protein and 0g of sugar. But large amounts of those unpronounceable things. The only thing they missed on this can is mentioning amino acids. People don't know what amino acids are but they are impressed by the words.

Don't worry about Hansen's beverages they all contain natural ingredients. It's full of mother nature's wonderful untested goodies. It's as harmless as most other natural things such as tornadoes and King Cobra venom!

If that isn't enough to convince you then there's a blurb on the back by a Weight Reduction Specialist from Beverly Hills, California! All you need is a steady diet of three (3) cans of Slimdown a day (in conjunction with a balanced diet and moderate exercise program) and you can stop losing weight!

Well I was sold. I couldn't "weight" anymore. I was ready to start peeling off the pounds so I quickly cracked open a can and ignored its instructions to "Shake Gently." Who would be stupid enough to shake up a can of soda before opening it? You'd have to be so dumb that you'd actually believe that there was a miracle drink that would help you to lose weight. Do such people even exist?

The Six Eses
The Tasting


It's purple! That's cool. Kinda looks like Klingon Blood!


Smells like a really rich caramel or butterscotch. Kinda has a hint of the "black currant" concentrated liquid that I got on my trip to England. We didn't know that you were supposed to dilute it with 4:1 water so we drank the concentrate as if it were the drink itself. We got so used to it that we couldn't bear to drink it in its diluted form.


Just what I expected from the chain of events put forth... absolutely nasty! Tastes a lot like that black currant stuff we had in England. But it tastes like it was diluted with way too much water then some club soda was added. I was puzzled for a bit as to what the final disgusting lingering flavor in my mouth was and then I figured it out... Celery Juice.


Slimdown has 0 calories. It leaves that Fresca/Diet Coke emptiness in your mouth and in your soul. You feel like you have cheated your life out of substance and it catapults you into a philosophical debate with your soul, questioning your very existence!


You are caused to abruptly end your questioning as your gag reflex is triggered. This drink is thoroughly horrible. It leaves an empty cavernous feeling in your stomach and makes you want to curl up and re-enter the shelter of your mother's womb. The true price of slimming down should not be this dear. If you are desperate to lose weight and wish to do so I recommend this drink as a final solution. When bulimia, diet pills and suicide fail, then and only then crack yourself open a can of Hansen's Slimdown.

For More Information...
Go to and enjoy their lovely website complete with a rolling meadow and chirping birds. How cute. It's almost as nauseating as their beverage.

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