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Ed the Head
Extinct Beverage Tasting:

Paul procured this tasty beverage while exploring the "Great White North" in a dogsled. It seemed to be a rare treat indeed. The bottle bore the picture of a cheerfully lobotomized man inviting us to "Refresh your Head," or, if we were French, to "Rafraichissez-vous la tete." "Oui," we chorused. "We will refresh our heads."

We decided to check out Tizer's Official Web Site to get more information. Now I like to think that when it comes to internet technology I am pretty "cutting edge," or "hip," or "on the scene," as the kids no longer say today. However I had to spend about 20 minutes downloading the most recent versions of Flash and Shockwave before I was even allowed to see their site. Spending approximately 8-10 hours a day on the internet, neither Paul or myself have ever required such outrageously new plug-ins for anything that we have encountered.

The Tizer site is amazingly trendy. It's filled with random pictures of Ed "the Head" having his sliced-open cranium filled with gore. There are dozens of activities that one can participate in at There is a Top 40 Music link to hot tunes, and you can download Tizer desktop wallpaper and windows schemes, take quizzes, win prizes, and register with Tizer as some sort of Tizer crony.

There is, however, no mention at all of any type of beverage on this site. None. It's as if they are trying to phase out the beverage aspect of their business altogether and focus on strictly merchandise. Basically they want to be the Hello Kitty of soft drinks. We wondered why they would not mention their drink on their website and we had a feeling that we were about to find out.

The Six Eses
The Tasting


It's red. It's bubbly. It's red and bubbly.


Tizer's smell is elusive... it's a not unpleasant combination of ginger ale and Alka-Seltzer cold medicine.


When we took hesitant sips of Tizer, we were surprised to discover that it was hardly disgusting at all. It pretty much tasted like weak ginger ale, with just a hint of lemon. But not bad at all!


And then the aftertaste kicks in. Band-Aids. Definitely Band-Aids. And not just one or two but the whole box, in all those unusual sizes, like that square one. What's that for? If you have a cut, you use a band-aid. Ifyou have a circular wound, then I would imagine a circular Band-Aid would be in order. But when do you have a square injury? Not often enough to necessitate 25% of the Band-Aids in the world being square. Not only is the taste Band-Aidy, but it leaves a waxy residue in your mouth, like you've been licking the little suckers. It's unfortunate that such a promising beverage should make it all the way to the 5th S and then collapse, leaving nothing behind except the feeling that you've been chewing medical waste.


The secret to enjoying Tizer is to NEVER STOP DRINKING IT. While it's in your mouth, it's fine. Even shortly after you stop, it's fine. After you finish a bottle, you have 4 or 5 good seconds to start drinking it again before the aftertaste kicks in. We recommend you open the second bottle while you're drinking the first, since it's one of those bottles you have to unscrew by wrapping it in your shirt.

Oh, and stay away from flat Tizer... once the bubbles start to disappear, something mysterious happens to the antiseptic flavor (or "flavour") and it begins to smell and taste like wet, soggy animal.

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