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Hi, my name is Nathan Redcloud and I'm here to tell you a story about a boy growing up in This Glorious City. This boy was born into poverty. He grew up the middle sibling in a group of five brothers. Nothing meant more to this boy than his family. Because he was a cartoon character he didn't have any parents to look over him or his siblings. His two older siblings weren't around too much so he took on the part of the father figure and raised his two younger siblings and teach them right from wrong. He didn't do a very good job because he was putting himself through culinary school at the same time. While his younger brothers grew up with a skewed sense of morality they did grow up with a very sound knowledge of the six mother sauces! Inevitably that little boy turned into a young man. Ladies and gentlemen, that young man... was me.
(wait for gasps of shock to subside)
I come to you today not to ask for a favor, not to ask for charity, I just want you to make the right decision. I know the other candidates. I know that they're all good men (and women). How do I know this you ask? Because they're my brothers, all of them. In knowing that they are all good people I also know their strengths and their weaknesses. While they all mean well I am confident that I will be the right man for the job of Cutest Redcloud Brother.
Some people say to me, "Chefelf, I'm just one vote. It doesn't matter if I vote or not." This couldn't be further from the truth. Your vote does count. Your vote does matter. Your vote can be the difference between the right candidate taking office or not. Ever hear of a person named Genghis Khan? He won an election by "just one vote."
When voted the cutest Redcloud brother I intend to use my new position of authority to put pressure on big business in This Glorious City. It's time that big business and government "fat cats" give something back to the middle and lower class in this city.
Plain and simple: I am the cutest brother, so who better to represent the Redclouds as the cutest brother?
The only thing that matters more to me than winning this election is my family. No matter what happens in this election I will always have my family, my beautiful girlfriend--with whom I hope to start a family of my own--and whole lot of friends.
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