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Zelda Title Screen
Legend of Zelda
If you've played the Legend of Zelda then you're familiar with the aspects of the game. If you haven't then shame on you. Get an old Nintendo and buy the Legend of Zelda. Or if you already own it and want to download a backup copy ;-) go to and download an emulator (I suggest either Nesten or Nesticle) and then download the Legend of Zelda Rom. Either way, enjoy my analysis of the game.


Level 1
Being a native English speaker I can't help but be something of an expert on the prefix "aqua." Possessing this knowledge I cannot see how it applies to a dragon that looks like he may have unicorn somewhere in his ancestry. And this is one of the rare Nintendo games that doesn't have any underwater levels. Aquamentus even shoots "mean beams" which look like fire. Aquamentus is just a dragon and should spend less time trying to be Mr. Unique and more time coming up with a new attack.

Level 2
Link should be the only evil character in this list. He's an enemy. He seems to be bent on killing in a covetious quest for Valentine's Day Cards. Dodongo is a seemingly peaceful creature that wanders around the underworld first seen in level 2. Dodongo doesn't seem to be bothered by our hero at all. He just wanders around aimlessly. He doesn't run at Link. He doesn't shoot at Link. He simply walks around. Unfortunately for Dodongo he gets in Links way, the one thing Link cannot forgive. Link actually tosses bombs into Dodongo's open mouth causing Dodongo's stomach and inestinal track to blow up, killing him. PETA loves Link.
From the sands of Arrakis

Level 3
Manhandla sounds like something a young Bostonian may say to his younger brother. "No you can't read my mint condition first issue of the Amazing Spidah Man, you're a Manhandla." However it's even more horrific. It looks like four of the worms from the movie Dune tied together. It spins around and belches fire and dies with one properly placed bomb.
The Labors of Link

Level 4
Gleeok is yet another dragon type villain. Gleeok is not a hydra, he's a Gleeok... there's a big difference. Link stabs him in the heads with his sword but instead of two growing where the last head was, they just kinda fly around very nonthreateningly until Link kills Gleeok altogether. Rather unmenacing.
Sea Urchin Souffle

Level 5
Digdogger is a stodgy old codger who can'd abide the music the kids are listening to these days. So when Link plays his little recorder riff Digdogger is so mortified that he splits into three smaller Digdoggers. Digdoggers look like they should be the name for Dodongo. Dodongo just looks like a Digdogger. Digdogger isn't dog-like and he doesn't dig at all. He just floats around like a giant irritable sea urchin.
Originally from Boston

Level 6
Gohma is a giant crab. In both senses of the word! He just kinda shimmies from side to side, peering at Link through a giant slitted eye. Unless Link is just completely out to lunch he recognizes this as the perfect premier for his dandy bow and arrow set that he just completed. It's pretty frustrating for Link as he tries to time the shots, but Link's archery skills prove to be too much for the mighty Gohma.

Level 7
Aquamentus is another dragon that... hey, wait a second! This is the same guy from level one! What the hell? They ran out of ideas? There's about 90 different enemies, and they just couldn't come up with one more? Well he's probably a lot harder than the first one right? No? Not at all? Does he shoot differently? No, his "mean beam" is still weak and predictable? What a rip-off.
The Labors of Link
Level 8
C'mon now, this is ridiculous. How can they recycle the boss from level 4? This is Level 8, they should up the anty a little-- what the--?? OH MY GOD!!!! He's got t-t-t-two more heads!!! Hubbabubbahubbabubba... What the hell is Link going to do? Level 4 + Level 4 = Level 8. 2 heads + 2 heads = 4 heads. The math makes sense, but this situation sure as hell doesn't. How do they expect Link to survive this? Just because he has three times as many heart containers, a sword that does twice the damage and a suit that only allows half the damage done to Link they think he can defeat this monster? This time they've gone too far!
Very D & D

Level 9
Patra is not actually a level boss in the classical sense. However he's very big and if I had put him in with the regular underworld enemies he would have thrown my whole table off. Patra doesn't show up until Level 9 and then he's there around every turn. Link gets an entire 9 levels of headaches from Patra in one level. And what's up with Patra being able to kill Link when he's standing in the doorway? I thought a rule against that was established fairly early in the game?
Prince Darkness

Level 9
Gannon is pretty unthreatening, mostly because he's invisible most of the time. Gannon's fire balls do very little to affect Link. Of course by this time Link is sporting the red suit and is quite well protected. Link just kinda stands in one place and stabs blindly until Gannon walks into his sword. A few blind stabs and then Link is ready to shoot Gannon with one measly silver arrow. That's it, he turns into a pile of dust with a triforce sticking out of it. Piece of cake. It took Link about 6 hours to find Gannon and only 45 seconds to beat him. Who knew?

Coming next... Legend of Zelda Characters -- From wise men to Link, learn all about the different people that make up the land of Hyrule.
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