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Zelda Title Screen
Legend of Zelda
If you've played the Legend of Zelda then you're familiar with the aspects of the game. If you haven't then shame on you. Get an old Nintendo and buy the Legend of Zelda. Or if you already own it and want to download a backup copy ;-) go to and download an emulator (I suggest either Nesten or Nesticle) and then download the Legend of Zelda Rom. Either way, enjoy my analysis of the game.

Bubble Trouble

The bubble, now there's great fun for our hero. If the bubble touches Link he loses use of his sword for a painfully long three or four seconds. They usually team Bubbles up with Like Likes, the creatures that digest Link's sheild. Cheers!
One tough shell

Nothing makes Link want his mommy more than walking into a room so full of blue darknuts that Link's vision become choppy trying to register all of them. Nevermind that killing one of them is an all day affair as they can only be killed from behind. Link loves it when he goes to stab one of them in the back and they turn around and stab him. It makes him feel alive.
Shaping Gel

Gel. What can be said about an enemy that can be killed with the boomerang? They just creep around and never hurt Link. He should probably just let them be, they're harmless.
The Gibdo's Curse

The ancients of Hyrule must have all been very wealthy. I think there's more mummies in this one tiny little land of Hyrule than there was in all of ancient Egypt. Not only that, but they were all apparently mummified prematurely as they all seems to be roaming around attempting to struggle free from their wrappings. Some of them appear to have swallowed keys before they were mummified.
From a land down under

Goriya are the "Aussies" of Hyrule. They wrestle alligators, throw shrimp on the barby and toss boomerangs. They seem to travel in packs, tossing boomerangs about in a big open rooms. I'm not racist or anything, but I've never seen a Goriya that hasn't been doing this. There's nothing wrong with it, I'm just saying.
I lost my keese.

Keese are nothing more than bats. Weak bats. Most bats would be able to withstand a simple whack with a boomerang, but they just vaporize on contact. They're a little more frigtening than Gel though.

Lanmola are centipedesque but appear to only have about five body segments and no legs. Besides sounding like a healthy alternative to butter, Lanmola likes to curl up and slither around. They're actually quite disgusting.
Like.. Like... Fer Sure

Like Like
Like Like (audible sigh). Like Likes make Link hate his life. No matter how careful Link is he can't help but be thrown into the grasp of a Like Like a few times during his journey. He frantically tries to stab at the innards of the beast but he's usually been thrown into the Like Like by a Bubble and has lost his sword. Link then tries his magical rod but it's too late. Time to go shopping for a new sheild.

Why Moldorms and Lanmolas both exist is beyond me. Moldorms are much lamer than Lanmolas. Moldorms move much much slower and appear to be made of fire. Strangely the wooden sword can kill them. You figure it out.

Pols Voice
Pols Voice? Pols. Voice. Okay. Is there an apostrophe missing? Is it supposed to be Pol's Voice? If so, who is Pol and how are these things his voice? I can't figure it out. They look like a genetic experiment gone terribly wrong. They're what happens if you breed a mouse's head with a kangaroo.
The Rope

Rope are apparently just some rope. There's nothing snakelike about Rope. They're Rope. Snakes are snakes and Rope are Rope. Ropes have bigger head than snakes. Ropes also appear to have just ingested Taco Bell food or are listening to an Enrique Inglesias song. I can't be sure which.
Skeleton Pirate

Aarrgh. Anyone who tells me that Stalfos weren't pirates when they were alive had best be prepared for fisticuffs. The Stalfos are obviously undead swashbucklers. They hold two, count them, TWO cutlasses... one in each hand! That's great. I wish they were wearing bandanas and eyepatches as well.

Stone Statue
Stone statues are really lame. 90% of the time they just sit there dead to the world but sometimes they shoot at you. It needs to be mentioned that the very scary army sergeant looking ones with the crew cuts are always on the left hand side of a room while the cute little bloated baby dinosaur ones are always on the right hand side. One wonders if when they shoot they are shooting at Link or if they just all of a sudden errupted into a "Hatfields and McCoys" type neighbor feud.
You've fallen right into me!

Let's face it, Link's having a tough time of all of this. Being a hero is not exactly a skill that he's had a lot of time to hone. Sometimes he wonders if he's cut out for it at all. Then he walks into a room and is sandwiched by two lightning fast razor-sharp blades on either side. It's terrible for his self esteem.
I'm Keeseman.

The Vire are weird demon looking guys. They'd be a little more intimidating if they took off the mittens and stopped jumping around like 4-year olds. When Link stabs one of them they burst apart into two keese (or bats for the layman) and try to fly around. However, predicting this Link stabs again and kills both bats as well. It's kinda sad actually, they try so hard.
Give me hand

Wall Master
They're masters of the wall. They mastered it. They've got it down. Another thing they have down is how to piss Link off more than anyone else in the game. The Wall Masters reach out of the wall and pull Link in, transporting him back to the beginning of the level. And what's more is that they are always in the room right before the level boss, just when Link is sure that he's got the level beat. They should be called Killjoys.

Wizzrobes are annoying little wizards that disappear and reappear and crash into Link and float in weird patterns and pepper Link with magical blasts. They team up with Like Like and Bubbles all the time. The three of them like to pal around. They laugh about how miserable they make Link. God bless 'em.
The Missing Muppet

Zol try, they really do. When Link slices them apart they split into two Gel. I'm sorry, when Link slices them apart with the wooden sword they split in two. Unfortunately for Zol by the time Link finds him he's already mastered the white sword and it's too powerful for Zol to even split in two. I guess that little fact will remain hidden in obscurity.
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