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The Barbarian Brothers never disappoint. They always deliver exactly what the viewer expects: a no holds barred romp through all the cliches of late eighties to early nineties film making. And they do it so well! They are without a doubt my favorite movie makers on this planet right now. Think Big is a cinematic tour de force featuring the acting talents of Claudia Christian (Babylon 5), David Carradine (Kung-Fu: The Legend Continues), and Ari Meyers (Kate and Allie).
Here's a breakdown of the zany characters in Think Big:
Victor
"The Smart One"
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Victor has a heart of gold and it does nothing but get the brothers into one fix after another. At the beginning of the movie the boys are transporting a woman in labor. Victor's brother Rafe does not approve of this because of the old superstition against "riders" that truckers have. As far as I can tell (through minimal research) this superstition does not actually exist. Victor is constantly telling jokes to lighten up the foul mood of his upset brother.
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Rafe just want to make the shipment. He frowns on letting riders accompany them but something always seems to come up and he has no choice but to let a rider on board. This usually results in them getting in deep trouble with their boss. It doesn't matter because the two of them have dreams of opening their own trucking company but they keep arguing about whether to call it "Victor and Rafe's Trucking" or "Rafe and Victor's Trucking." It doesn't get much funnier than that!
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Rafe
"The Angry One"
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Thornton
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While we know Richard Moll best from the role he plays as Milo Beaudry on The Dukes of Hazzard, he also played many other roles. One of them was of Thornton, the mean spirited boss of Victor and Rafe. He's a hard nosed authoritarian who is easily angered when his shipments don't arrive on time. He's such a hard ass that he apparently pays one of the Barbarian Brothers just to ride with the other rather than having him take out a second truck. He installs a "foul up clock" in their truck which is obviously a badly covered up "fuck up clock" that they changed after they realized they weren't going to get the PG rating they had hope for. The "foul up clock" tells the boys how much time they have to reach their destination before the profit from the trip is lost.
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Truckers
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There are three other truckers that work for the same company as Victor and Rafe. One of them is played by the WWF's Zeus. It's very easy to recognize Zeus from the "Z" carved into his hair. The other two are played by some guy and a midget respectively. It's funny because while they all are muscular and wear manly clothing etc., they talk about things like knitting and sewing. So it's like they're big trucker guys but they do girl things. Oh those guys!
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Holly Sherwood
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She is one of many kids who have apparently been conscripted to attend some sort of genius kid concentration camp. These kids are crammed into little offices behind computers all day being forced to come up with brilliance. Holly is apparently the crown jewel of their genius collection having invented some sort of device that seems to be the most powerful device in the history of mankind. It's conveniently the same size and shape as a TV Remote. While being a genius is her second most predominant personality trait, her tendency to call people "ass wipe" is slightly more noticeable.
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This is the "TV remote in disguise" that can seemingly control anything on Earth. It starts out being a device that can control anything electronic but busts free of those boundaries about ten minutes later in the movie to control anything that is electronic. By the end of the movie it's controlling things that are just made of metal. Things that it controls during the movie include: door locks, a soda machine, a slide projector, traffic lights, a truck's ignition and police sirens. Strangely it won't work on a train because it's "an electric train."
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The TS-4000
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Dr. Brueckner
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The head of the genius academy work camp, intent on selling the TS-4000 to some bad guys for a wad of cash. He lies to Holly and tells her that a hospital is looking into buying the TS-4000. Although she is a genius she believes that a hospital is going to be paying millions of dollars for a device that can control anything on Earth. With all this money at stake it's weird that his Whiz Kid Lab is run exclusively by Zenith computers.
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A group of four bad guys that hope to purchase the TS-4000. Their intentions are not very clear but it involves the following: tanks, $1,000,000 in a Swiss Bank account, and strangely disabling the pacemaker of the Secretary of State. You have to admire bad guys with goals.
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Bad Guys
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Mitchell Farber
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He's one of the genius whiz kids that has a crush on Holly. He's a short little fat kids who's distinguishing characteristic is that he's always picking his nose. He also taps into Holly's computer to chat with her. He later reveals her whereabouts to Dr. Bruekner for fear that he will reveal Mitchell's bed wetting problem to his parents. Oh Mitchell!
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The psychiatrist at the genius academy. She speaks with the children because the the mental stability of a bunch of mental sweatshop workers is very important to Dr. Breukner. Dr. Marsh soon learns of the evils of Dr. Breukner and tries to help Holly. Her first name is Irene only because the opportunity to have Dr. Breukner say: "Come on Irene!" just seemed too hilarious to pass up.
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Dr. Marsh
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Irving
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When Holly escapes with the TS-4000, Dr. Bruekner has no choice but to call in his top guy (played by James Bond's evil villain "Jaws" or for you hopeless Gen-Xers out there: Happy Gilmore's "guy with the nail in his head") "Irving." Irving is big and lumbering and ugly so obviously he should be feared. The fact that he can only run at 1 MPH and the fact that the Barbarian Brothers are both far to huge for him to have any effect on don't really seem to bother Irving or Breukner at all. I mean, he's ugly! He's tall! Therefore he is feared!
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At one point she grabs Victor (or Rafe... I forget) as he tries to enter the bathroom in a local diner and starts trying to have sex with him. She is later appalled to find out that she has grabbed the wrong brother and slaps him. Typical. She is never brought up again. I guess they were having trouble filling up the 86 Minutes of the movie.
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Nympho Waitress
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Hap
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Played by the guy from Police Academy that makes the funny noises with his mouth. If you don't remember him in that role he was also the guy from Space Balls that made the funny noises with his mouth and the guy from the "Silly Slammers" commercials that made the funny noises with his mouth. Strangely he breaks free from his trademark character type as Hap and makes no funny noises with his mouth. By trying to entertain the audience with really poor fake accents he makes them long for the character he played in "Nice Dreams" where he made the funny noises with his mouth.
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Sweeny is the insane psychopath who follows the Barbarian Brothers around trying to repossess their truck. They have one payment left on their truck and it isn't even due yet. Sweeny is trying to repossess their truck under the assumption that they "probably won't make the payment." In some circles this is called "stealing." The main characteristic about Sweeny is that he's always cackling wildly while repossessing the truck. Also he's usually talking to himself saying things like: "You're really something, Sweeny! I'll tell ya!" So basically he is being proactive rather than reactive which I'm told is a good thing. Probably not so much with repo men.
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Sweeny
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Griffith
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Holly's boyfriend. She speaks with him briefly in the beginning over the computer's "modem." It's never mentioned who he is at all and we don't really hear anything about him until the very end when Dr. Marsh and the Barbarian Brothers deliver her to him. Dr. Marsh is heard saying: "We've heard a lot about you." Clearly a lie.
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If you haven't seen Think Big then rush out to your local video store (where it will be nowhere to be found) and be disappointed! If you really must see it then you can order it off of Ebay. Normally all the movies I review I get from Ebay where the cost of a movie is usually a little less than what it would cost to rent it. Generally the movie arrives wrapped in plastic having never even been viewed. The auction closes for about $0.95 and I feel like a champion. This was not the case with Think Big. I looked for weeks and finally ordered it for a reasonable price. When it came in the mail I was shocked to learn that I'd actually ordered the laser disc. If you don't remember laser discs, it was the "new video format" for about three weeks. They were giant record sized movies that no one ever bought. Needless to say: no one I know has a laser disc player so I had to search for the VHS (which has been long out of print). It took me a few weeks to find it but when I did some other bastard was bidding on it already. This never happens for the movies I look for. I'm always the only bidder and the seller is delighted when I send them a check for $3.76.
I will not disclose the exact amount I paid for the VHS but I will say that it is the most expensive movie I have ever purchased. This combined with the fact that I had to purchase it twice bring my grand total for Think Big somewhere in the neighborhood of $40.00. I guess it all evens out when you consider that Cyber Ninja only cost me $0.95.
The Cartoon
The beginning of the movie features a Pink Panther Style cartoon starring cartoon versions of the Barbarian Brother engaging in all sorts of "madcap antics." As soon as I saw this I knew I was in for a special treat.
The TS-4000
The TS-4000 is a powerful device. So powerful that it can manipulate just about anything that has ever been made. By the end of the movie Holly realizes that her invention will probably do more harm than good and decides to destroy it... but don't worry! She actually destroys a TV remote in it's place. It's great because she learns what such a powerful device could do if it fell into the wrong hands.
In the final scene of the movie she is on the radio with Rafe and Victor who she apparently works with. Their company? They mass produce the TS-4000 and the Barbarian Brothers take out the shipments on their Big Rig. Apparently mass global chaos is a small price to pay for get filthy rich. Kinda makes the whole point of the movie moot. Then again, I think Peter and David Paul's middle names are both "Moot."
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