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    L&EJacquesEmail

    Vote Jacques!

    Because when he smiles, it's heavenly


    The reason Jacques is the cutest? Well, and let's be honest now, because his beauty isn't "enhanced" beauty.

    He’s not a girl with cooties. Nor has he shaved any particularly appealing words into his head, such as "Meatz".

    Dastardly!
    Elves have also been known to associate with Leprechauns.

    Nor, I say, is he an elf with (possibly) "elf's-disease", "elf-rot", "elf-syndrome", "rabies", or "elf-hepatitis B". Jacques has never kidnapped children in the night, and he always helps hobbits in need. He would never put a hex or cast a spell on anyone. He would never kick a hobbit when he's down; don't allow the elf's exterior cuteness to deceive you. Jacques' is a manner of inner cuteness.


    Booo!
    Don't allow Paul's magical forehead to unfairly hypnotize you into submission.

    And as for Paul, did you see that octopus thing? He's crazy! If elected cutest Brother Redcloud, I can virtually guarantee that I won't be fiddling with busses so that they explode if falling below 50 miles per hour. You can't beat that virtual guarantee with any of these other candidates! Go ahead. Read their campaigns and notice how they've so "conveniently" left that eventuality out.


    As for Laura... perhaps this picture would persuade you to vote otherwise.

    Laura at no magnification Laura at 50% magnification Laura as viewed through an electron microscope

    As a youth, Jacques spent days on end merely practicing the fine art of winking into an elongated mirror. In fact, his eyelashes were so long and luscious that he was often mistaken for a girl in the men’s bathroom until he began to pee standing up. This is the image that should be hovering in your minds when you visualize Jacques as you vote for the cutest brother.

    Vote Jacques the cutest Brother! Why? The most convincing reason of all: because he's really a puppy in disguise!

    Jacques


    CAST YOUR VOTE!


    Campaign partially funded by Exxon: even in this time of oil shortage, committed to raising the earth's temperature. A few degrees at a time.

    Exxon Exxon. Always bet on black. Because solar power is for pussies.

    *

    L&EJacquesEmail

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