The Potential Girl Zone Lawsuit Fiasco

If you're as diligent a reader of Lance and Eskimo as I want you to be, you may have noticed that I've recently had to rewrite history. I went back through the entire backlog of files in the area of this website aimed at girls, finding wherever the title of the site (then "Girl Zone") appeared and changing it to the slightly more awkward, but generally similar title "Girls' Zone" (pronounced: "Girl Zone").

      Why? Well, ladies and gents, it's the fault of none other than Uncle Sam, insomuch as he aided and abetting the good folks (uptight jerks) at Girl Zone Dot Com. Apparently these people had the same brilliant idea I did: to call their zone for girls "Girl Zone." Only difference is they trademarked it, thus ruining it for everyone else with a zone for girls.

      The reason I know this is because some good person (uptight jerk) emailed me last week telling me I had to change the name of GZ or there'd have to be a goddamn law suit. What could I do? And what do they do, do searches for the words "Girl Zone" and send emails to anyone who uses it not to their liking? It's not like I'm making money off their name or anything. I'm a sixteen year old girl! It may look like I'm a major corporation because of my kickass webdesign skills, but I'm really not. I'm a sixteen year old GIRL who just needs a ZONE of her own. Or two. Or three.

      Here's the thing: if someone took, say, the name Eskimo Jones, I could be pretty sure they'd stolen it from L&E. It's not a name that's either obvious or common. "Girl Zone," on the other hand, is a totally obvious name for a site that is a ZONE for GIRLS. Trademarking that is like trademarking "Bill's Web Site" and demanding that all Bills change the name of their Web Sites. It's not like I took Microsoft or YM or something. It's a zone for Girls! Girl Zone!

      As you can see, I went the lazy, surly, defiant route and tacked on an 'S'. (That was the easiest thing to do since I lost the original PSDs for the title graphic.) Hopefully no one will go and trademark that and make me change it again; if they do, though, I'll probably just add a smaller 's' and make it the "Girls's Zone" (pronounced: "Girlziz Zone").

      I don't see why I shouldn't be lazy and defiant. Screw them and their zone! They're just jealous because their webdesign is so 1995. And they lack all dynamicness. And they have pop-up windows. And an abundance of annoying earnestness. My Girl(s') Zone may have almost no content, but it could kick their Girl Zone's ass any day of the week. Snap, snap! Boo-yah!

      I feel about their website like they're a really plain-looking and boring freshman girl who wears socks with sandals, and my website is this tall drag queen in a huge sparkly dress and a tiara. Sure, they've got the sincerity and legitimacy of actually being female, but who's more fabulous?