Laura's Articles

4-9-08 Hot Fun in the Early Spring: In this second (!!) article of 2008, Laura provides handy if untimely hints for keeping cool. Warning: Contains an erroneous explanation of the current U.S. credit crisis.
4-5-08 Laura's Crush List III: In honor of the Lance and Eskimo Comix anniversary, how about an article?!
5-14-07 Laura Notes: Stalking Darkness: I've updated the Laura Notes page with incredibly detailed chapter summaries and increasingly phoned-in analysis of Stalking Darkness, sequel to Luck in the Shadows, which, forty days and nights later, perhaps you have finished reading! Enjoy please!
5-2-07 Old Notes Which, I'm Going to Have to Face It, Will Never Turn Into Full-Scale Updates: Continuing with the whole "spring cleaning" theme.
4-25-07 Emma IM: Jane Austen in sixty seconds!
4-18-07 Classic IM Profiles of Ages Past: Further cleaning out of old files.
4-11-07 That Moment of, "Oh.": Laura describes one of the perils of her self-appointed task of Cultual Homosexuality Lookout. (It's like bikini inspector, but instead of bikinis, you have boys who make eyes at each other.)
4-4-07 Laura Notes: Luck in the Shadows: If you enjoy Laura's opinionated synopses of Boy Meets World and The Sentinel, you may enjoy this lengthy faux-academic book analysis she spent way too much time on after a week reading the strange combination of SparkNotes and pulp fantasy. At least, for awhile. Then it will get old.
3-28-07 Crush List II: Not a replacement but an extension of last summer's list, detailing those men I've come to love since. Virtue! Sorrow! Fashion!
3-21-07 Top Seven Annoying Retail Songs of 2004: While going through some old files I found this scrap that I'd written in 2004 featuring the Gwen Stefani non-hit, "Bathwater." The release of Gwen Stefani's new album, The Sweet Escape made me think that this would be perfect timing to discuss a song that's seven years old! Topical.
11-23-06 The Inconsistently Detailed Episode Guide for The Sentinel, Season 1: If you like The Inconsistently Detailed Boy Meets World Episode Guide, you'll be THANKFUL (see what I did there?) for this collection of ten alternately detailed and hazy episode recaps of a charming mid-90s supernatural/cop/crap show.
9-6-06 Back to School Special: Linguistics Study Guide: Laura and classmate/co-conspirator Anna wax foolish about what is in fact their senior project.
8-30-06 Lance and Eskimo and the Return of the Style Bullies: Because nothing says "comeback" like ripping yourself off!
8-23-06 Makeover Shows: A Comparative Review: Because you don't want to waste your time on just any makeover show. (Bonus: the preceding statement is also true if you remove the word "just"!)
8-16-06 Rejected Opening Monologues for The Waltons: Slash content: 4-5% A NEW LOW!
8-9-06 Am I the Only One Who Thought the Last Scene of Batman Begins Was Kind of Slashy?: We should probably just change the name of Laura's Journal to "Laura's Weekly Slash Blog."
8-2-06 The "Guess the Most Popular Slash Pairing" Game: Do you have your finger on the pulse of fandom? Are you sure you want to? Research and programming assistance by Anna and Paul, respectively.
7-26-06 Laura Reviews: Psych: Another TV review from Laura, this one of a relatively new show: USA's Psych!
7-19-06 Laura's New and Improved Crush List: Another thing Laura has been doing a lot of lately is harping on and on about how much she loves... well, you'll see. Laura's attempt to capitalize on boy-craziness = fun for YOU!
7-12-06 Laura's Ode to Stargate: Atlantis: Laura has been bothering everyone by writing bits and pieces about her love for this Sci-Fi original TV show on various private blogs, journals, online chats, and in-person conversations; so in order to get her precious thoughts out to a wider audience she has written the first L&E article in, like, ninety years. Enjoy it.
10-19-05 Daytime Ads: After a(nother) five-month hiatus, Laura briefly comes out of retirement to bring you a(nother) article complaining about the commercials on TV.
5-25-05 Why the Baby-Sitters Club Should Have Aged: If one were to make a list of the things boys care about least, the Baby-sitters Club would be pretty high up. Laura knows most of the people who look at this website are boys, but I guess she just doesn't care!
5-20-05 The Pathetic Postcard Contest: Laura dissects what's so lame about four postcards from the RI/MA area.
4-27-05 Laura's Inconsistently Detailed Boy Meets World Episode Guide - Season 4: While you're here, I've got my thoughts on most of the episodes for season 4 of Boy Meets World entered into the database. Still a few missing, but they don't call it inconsistent for nothing!
3-23-05 Who's Your Ideal Top Gun Match?: Find out today!
1-27-05 Trapped in my Cell: A bitter, unfunny screed about all the problems Laura has encountered in dealing with cellular telephone service.
12-29-04 Lance and Eskimo Lose the Refrigerator: You know how when you lose something, you look under the fridge? Well, in this first and last full-page L&E comic of 2004, our two intrepid heroes actually lose the refrigerator.
12-22-04 The Tale of Ginger-Barad-dur: Laura and her roommate submit an unorthodox entry to a gingerbread house building contest.
12-15-04 Lance and Eskimo Comic Strip: Logic Problem: Another Lance and Eskimo comic strip, this one featuring a joke formulated late at night by Laura and Paul. It kind of shows.
12-8-04 Lance and Eskimo Comic Strip: Musket: A brand new L&E, this one in comic strip form. Pictures by Laura, based on something Lefty said one time.
12-1-04 How Christmas Stole Everything: A pleasant and mildly bitter seasonal diatribe. But it's the good kind of bitter. Like cinnamon sticks.
11-10-04 Laura Recaps: Orfeo ed Euridice: Part II: Laura continues her description of the goofy opera.
11-3-04 Laura Recaps: Orfeo ed Euridice: Laura gets classy so you don't have to be, offering an extremely detailed, slightly disbelieving description of an opera. Don't worry, it was on home video. And from the 70s, I think. I hope.
10-6-04 Goofy Couture: Laura's pants designs. Contains unreasonably large cartoon images of ladies' (clothed) butts. You have been warned!
9-29-04 How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Almost enough time has passed that Laura's job at the office supply superstore is funny, not tragic. Almost.
9-22-04 Art Appreesheeayshun: Laura bitches about her art text.
9-8-04 The Inconsistently Detailed Boy Meets World Episode Guide for Season 3!: Laura's first contribution since the summer (spring-summer? winter-spring-summer?) hiatus is a doozy-- summaries, info and opinions on as many episodes of the ABC sitcom Boy Meets World, season 3 (1995-6), as she has seen. Which is most of them.
5-12-04 Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Deoderant: Laura surfs the wide wide world of advertisement and unexpectedly learns a little about guests, travel, romance, and perhaps--herself?
4-7-04 Insouciance Is My Anti-Drug: Laura presents a rather ill-timed argument that the anti-drug campaigns in grade school are pretty useless.
1-16-04 An Open Letter To My College's Bookstore's Website: Laura questions her college bookstore's right to make the claim "Buying Textbooks Just Got Easier..."
1-9-04 Laura's Big Book of Baby Names: Laura proves her parental unsuitability by waxing goony about names for children.
12-17-03 Hell Is Being Trapped in a Room With Your Friends: A Dramatist's Interpretation: Laura imagines a future that may be all too real.
12-3-03 An Evening with Laura: Were you once Laura's friend, and now you miss her? Do you not know Laura in person, but wish you did? This handy simulation of the experience of being Laura's college pal is guaranteed to cure you of these ailments.
11-26-03 Lance and Eskimo Do the Dishes: An exciting insight into the independent thought processes of Lance Redcloud.
11-19-03 Lance and Eskimo are Denied Service: Another installment in the "Lance and Eskimo At Food Stores" collection.
11-12-03 Lance and Eskimo Think About Spiders: A comic that involves an "either-or" game, and the supermarket.
10-29-03 Laura's Answers to the Jenny Marx Survey: Find out all kinds of things about Laura, primarily, "ways she answers survey questions when she's sleepy."
10-22-03 Self-Effacing Responses to Snotty Survey Answers: Laura engages in some serious ass-covering by means of self-deprecation. That wacky girl!
10-15-03 Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Vision: Finally, television has produced a show that the legendary author could take pride in.
10-7-03 lores: In vague homage to one of her favorite webcomics, Henri Ennui and Me, Laura offers a collection of lo-resolution comics.
9-24-03 An Assignment for English 111: The assignment: "Connect these six objects in a non-narrative document." Laura made a quiz.
9-10-03 Laura's New Favorite Book: Laura found the best book, in a universe where the mark of quality in a novel is the inclusion as a minor character of a famous real-life golden age Hollywood director.
9-9-03 Pismo Tenderloins 2: Our favorite superhero returns to clean up the city. You should clean your city once every two months whether it needs it or not.
8-20-03 Lance Turns 21 - Part 2: The exciting continuation, of varying font size and lustre.
8-13-03 Lance Turns 21- Part 1: Laura experiments in imaginary stories, multi-part comics, and typed talk bubbles. Fun fun fun!
7-30-03 Advice for TV Episode Summary Copy Writers: Um... yup.
7-23-03 Lance and Eskimo Babysit: The pair spends an evening with the charming daughter of the rich actress upstairs.
7-16-03 My Stupid Fly Adventure: Laura is continually startled by an insect. It's really quite sad.
7-8-03 Lance and Eskimo and the Style Bullies: Our heroes run into a perilous duo in their building lobby.
6-25-03 Lance and Eskimo Visit the Rich Actress Upstairs: In which our heroes go a-calling.
6-18-03 Lance and Eskimo Kick Ass and Take Names: Isn't multi-tasking fun?
6-4-03 The Laura Trivia Quiz: Inspired by occasional emails offering a chance to be quizzed on her friends from the Quiz Your Friends network and others like it, Laura created a quiz for her friends: You.
5-28-03 Lance and Eskimo Go Home: Another one-pager in which Lance and Eskimo head down memory lane.
5-21-03 The Boy Meets World Inconsistently Detailed Episode Guide for Season 5: Laura finally goes off the deep end with her fanatical yet oddly arbitrary love of the 1993-99 ABC teen sit-com Boy Meets World.
5-14-03 Lance and Eskimo Beat Feet: In a brand new Lance and Eskimo one-pager, our heroes make a run for it.
5-7-03 Thoughts on the Role of The Lizzie McGuire Movie As It Regards to the Story Arc of the Series as a Whole: You didn't think she wouldn't go to see this, did you? And if you did, surely you didn't think she'd see this and then not write about it. Methinks all the staunch defense of her negative review made her like the show all the more, because she is contrary.
5-1-03 Lance and Eskimo in a Magazine: Laura created this comic for the school humor magazine she founded.
4-22-03 Laura's Unfortunate Powerpoint Situation: This article--which contains a Powerpoint thing--would probably be better if it weren't following in the great footsteps of Paul's Skeletor thing. And if you had Powerpoint on your computer.
4-16-03 What a Girl Wants: This movie review could be the sequel to Laura's review of What Women Want, especially since she went to see this film in much the same circumstances.
4-9-03 Trolleys Suck: A senioritis-stricken Laura doesn't appreciate the multiple modes of transportation that Rhode Island has to offer.
4-2-03 Eskimo's Date: Finally! Lance and Eskimo, remember them? A one-page comic about Eskimo on a date.
3-26-03 Internet Tips for Kids: Laura provides an invaluable service for all the children and family-oriented consumers out there.
3-19-03 I'm Sick of All Those Love Songs: I swear, Laura just hasn't been the same since she became a misogynist hermit.
3-12-03 Interesting Things About Amber: Direct from Laura's geology notebook to your stomach.
2-26-03 Laura Reviews: State of Grace: Laura gets back on the horse of critical reviewship of innocent children's shows. When will she ever learn?
2-19-03 Nick's Day: Feeling out of the loop since Nick went to California, Laura speculates about the happenings of an average day in his life.
2-5-03 The Laura University History Department: The mission of Laura University is to provide only classes that Laura would want to take.
1-29-03 The Weather: Laura is sick of arguing controversial topics like religion and politics and television.
1-28-03 More Like the Penultimate Resort!: Paul and Laura have a new idea for a TV show. Paul and Laura are idiots. Draw your own conclusions.
1-22-03 Laura's First PHP Program: Last week Laura brought you a PHP program that she conceptualized and Paul actually designed. This week, she brings you a program SHE ACTUALLY WROTE--hence, it is not only intrinsically idiotic, but the content was given far less attention than the programming elements. Unfortunately, she had nothing else to put up this week, so enjoy!
1-15-03 The Rabid Pro-Lizzie McGuire Hate Mail Creator: Now you no longer have to spend time typing out your own angry responses to Laura's Lizzie McGuire review, which is good news for 90% of her readers.
1-8-03 The Trouble with LAN Parties: Laura complains about gender bias in multi-user gaming.
1-1-03 Laura vs Essays for Harvard: Battle of the Century: Laura, topical as a new tube of skin ointment (as is her way), honors today's red-letter date, that is, the application deadline for Harvard.
12-11-02 College Crunch: Laura continues to discuss college, and why they should let her in.
12-4-02 Laura's DVD Wish List: Laura continues the impromptu theme week with a love letter to the medium of digital video.
11-27-02 Nationally Meritless in America: Laura kicks off "College Crunch" by bitching about the National Merit Scholarship Competition, and Henry provides a delightful essay about why he should win the money. If I were in charge, I'd give it to him.
11-21-02 Bruce Hellmont, Girl Detective: Noir. Very noir.
11-20-02 Laura Reviews Braceface: That new Alicia Silverstone cartoon about kids in middle school. Laura actually likes it, don't worry.
10-30-02 Once Upon a Time in the House of Gerard Depardieu: Bearly bearable.
10-23-02 A Tribute to Rory on His Birthday: Laura unleashes her poetic side to help celebrate her chum's coming of age.
9-25-02 Dr. Hansen's Face Wash Commercial: (Flash, 110k) Thirty seconds of hygienic adver-tainment!
9-18-02 A Dramatic Tale: A wickedly melodramatic tale involving a real bunny.
9-4-02 Ghostwriter Remembered: Laura's shady memory comes through once again to provide vague and incomplete information about the old PBS show Ghostwriter.
8-14-02 Fun with Hot or Not: Laura and friends attempt to exploit an online dating service.
8-7-02 Laura's Mailbag from July 2002: Laura's long-overdue responses to some reader mail. (See, July 2002 refers to when she responded, not when the letters were written.)
7-24-02 What I Learned in Driver Ed: How driver education ruined my life. Interestingly, this article was written almost entirely when I got home from the first day of class.
7-16-02 Geek T-Shirts that Only Make 80% Sense: We reveal our new line of computer T-shirts, which, in turn, reveal that we don't know anything about computers.
7-10-02 Nick and Laura's Prom Adventure: The Adventure Continues: An actual play-by-play account of the Classical High School Senior Prom, as seen by two jackasses.
6-26-02 Laura and Nick's Prom Adventure: The Adventure Begins: A makeover story. Includes lots of exciting photos!
6-19-02 The Tale of Mr. Morton: A Lyrical Analysis: Laura thinks too hard about some Schoolhouse Rock lyrics.
6-5-02 Fun with French Spam: Laura got a spam mail in French. See, here at L&E, we embrace the Really Meaningless & Trivial Event.
5-22-02 The Potential Girl Zone Lawsuit: Bitter, bitter ranting. Bitter.
5-15-02 Chili Pepper Logic: WARNING: This article contains material that might get Laura's keyboard washed out with soap, if you get my drift. She might want to consider toning it down.
4-24-02 Never Been Kissed, or, I've Never Been So PIssed!: Laura rants and raves about the 1999 Drew Barrymore flick, Never Been Kissed, in which Drew gets a chance to go back to high school and hang out with some nerds.
4-17-02 Sims Expansions I'd Like To See: Before the release of The Sims: Vacation, which may or may not have already come out, Laura complains that before the Sims take a vacation, maybe they could use some freakin' weekends.
3-27-02 My Fool is a Crock: Oh my god! Laura wrote a story about the world's worst jester too, entirely coincidentally!
3-13-02 Rags Reviews: Truth For Youth Comics!: Rags, the mischeivious rag doll with a penchant for antagonizing religion, goes up against a Christian comics website.
3-6-02 Today in the News: Hackers Hate You!: With the onset of this age of technological wonder, you and yours are more at risk from hackers than ever before.
2-28-02 Ask Lance and Eskimo!: New reader questions are answered in this age-old section of the original Lance and Eskimo website. The pictures are WICKED old!
2-13-02 Cyber Speak Candy: In honor of Valentine's Day, a review of a delightful Necco conversation candy.
2-6-02 In Defense of Me: People are still upset about the whole Lizzie McGuire thing, and some yutz explains why Laura will never make it as a journalist.
1-23-02 Scientists Report The Funniest Joke in the World: Why scientists should never be trusted with the nation's greatest natural resource, the human laugh.
1-2-02 Retractions: Every so often, Laura is wrong. And when she is, she admits it. Particularly when she is corrected by fiercely fanatic Lizzie McGuire fans, whom she is afraid will form a lynch mob with torches and trendy hair-clips.
12-12-01 The Lady or the Tiger, Revisited: Laura grasps at the straws of memories of classic short stories. You know, for someone so young, she has a really crappy memory. Special Feature: Includes review questions!
12-5-01 Rags Gets Mail!: Our little antagonistic rag doll catches up on his correspondence.
11-28-01 Remember Adventures in Wonderland?: Remember that old Disney songs-and-morals-type morning kids' show?
11-14-01 A Tale of Virtue: An exciting oral history, including mining and war stories.
11-6-01 The L&E Boyfriend Generator: A brand new quiz that will actually generate a living boy.
10-31-01 Laura's Halloween History: Again with the personal history. Laura details costumes of Halloweens past.
10-23-01 Timeline of Involvement with Bruce Campbell: What does Bruce Campbell mean to you? Laura offers some historical background on the true meaning of Bruce Campbell week.
10-17-01 Rags's Home Page: Following his comeback, Laura's little rag doll demanded his own home on the World Wide Web. Enter if you dare.
10-3-01 Laura Reviews: Lizzie McGuire: Laura rags on yet another unwatchable ZoogDisney series.
9-26-01 The Triumphant Return of Rags: Another article from everyone's favorite rag doll with an attitude problem and an affinity for talking back to God.
9-19-01 Ninjas and Pirates Tested in a Variety of Everyday Situations: Part two of Laura's exploration of ninjas and pirates and their respective merits.
9-14-01 Elf vs. Its Own Kind: WARNING: Contains a story about a ring.
9-12-01 Ninjas vs. Pirates: Another thesis.
8-29-01 Bears!: the musical: Laura's tribute to bears, and Joey Lawrence.
8-8-01 Laura at Sanrio Puroland: A month-long trip to a beautiful country with a unique culture and thousands of years of history and all Laura can talk about is the Hello Kitty theme park.
8-1-01 A Flattering Proposal: A reader response to Laura's wedding article.
7-20-01 Elf vs. Its Mom: Angst-ridden.
7-20-01 Elf vs. God: Another bonus story, this one heavenly.
6-27-01 The Lance and Eskimo Conversation Generator: Select your favorite L&E characters and generate conversations between them. It's fun!
6-8-01 Three Go In, Two Come Out, and a Squirrel Follows: A story about the redeeming power of love and turning people into squirrels.
5-23-01 Why You Should Vote For Laura: Some sweet, sweet negative campaigning by Laura.
5-2-01 Angel Force: Laura wastes her time imagining that a religious show was actually an anime movie.
4-27-01 The Rubies of Omeron: High fantasy with lots of irritating color words.
4-25-01 Laura's Future Wedding: Genetically, Laura is a girl. This means that she has thought about what her wedding will be like.
4-18-01 Shawn Cuteness Chart: Illustrates Shawn's cuteness for every season of Boy Meets World.
4-11-01 Rainbow Connection Confusion: Muddling through a Muppets song.
4-4-01 Wuzup God Messages Part Deux: This is the last one, I promise.
3-28-01 Wuzup God Messages: Godspeaks commentary continues with the messages from WuzupGod.com.
3-21-01 Messages from God: I'm talking about all those billboards and bus signs. What's up with them?
3-16-01 Are You Nate's Girlfriend Material?: Find out if you're right for our own resident chef elf guy.
3-14-01 Conversation Heart Messages Part II: Continuing commentary on those candy hearts you get at Valentine's day.
3-7-01 Lance and Eskimo Comix Trivia Quiz: When it comes to L&E trivia, are you a Lance and Eskimo Samurai or Grasshopper?
3-6-01 Conversation Heart Messages Part I: Commentary on those candy hearts you get at Valentine's day.
3-4-01 The Lance and Eskimo Career Aptitude Test (Short Version): This shorter but no less accurate version of the L&ECAT (or "Le Cat" as we like to call it) can give you your ideal career in just one (1) question.
3-4-01 The Lance and Eskimo Career Aptitude Test: Find out your ideal career. Up to and including 27 career paths to choose from!
2-27-01 Sprinkles and Jimmies: What constitutes a jimmy? Laura's efforts to prove Paul wrong.
2-21-01 Lycos Image Search Adventures: Searching the Internet for hot pics of Rob Lowe was never so much fun! You know, before. When you did that.
2-12-01 Titan A.E.: It's like a titan, but it's after Earth.
2-9-01 The Random Talk Show Generator: Oh, those wacky talk shows.
2-1-01 The Official "The Day Chris Said "Wicked Fine"" Gush Page: If there's 3 things we love, they're official pages, poorly executed flash, and nested quotes. This page offers all three.
1-29-01 Fantasy Classics: Hark! Mine leathern boot dost not oath. But first, I review all classic works of fantasy I could think of.
1-25-01 The Expletive Random Generator: Ever dropped a hammer on a foot, been dumped, or been turned into a swan by a mysterious curse, and not known how to express your chagrin? Let your computer do your cussin' for you.
1-22-01 Boy Meets World Character Reviews: My opinion on every character.
1-17-01 Nabisco's Triscuits: Laura and Chefelf "let the dogs out" on the Nabisco company.
1-16-01 What Women Want: I still don't know.
1-11-01 Utena Questions: The neverending list...
1-10-01 The Anime Title Random Generator: Now you can have limitless obscure anime shows to wish they would translate into English. Our favorite so far: "Manly Girl Kihika."
1-8-01 Wonder Years: Or, Boy Met World
1-5-01 Moist Towelette Companies: fall victim to an attack of praise by our ridiculous heroine.
1-2-01 This Glorious City Weather Report: What's the weather like in Lance and Eskimo's home town? Is it sunny? or is it raining men?
12-29-00 Karate Kid movies: Three really good movies... and the other
12-27-00 Arthur: A Study in Third-Grade Transvestism and Bondage
12-22-00 Betty Crocker Corporation: gets to "smell what Laura is cookin'" (heh heh) when she points out a tragic oversight in the packaging of Disney's Princess Fruit Rolls.