Navigate the Journal

Articles Archive

Journal Main Page

 

Laura Stuff @ LnE

Lance and Eskimo Comix

Inconsistently Detailed Boy Meets World Episode Guide

The Girls' Zone

Rags' Home of Calico and Suffering

 

Go Home

Lance and Eskimo Dot Com

 

Contact Laura

Moist Towelette Companies

These three letters were written in October of 2000. The third was e-mailed January 10, 2001; the first two have not yet been mailed. I don't think the second one ever will because I'm too lazy to get a Canadian stamp.
         You might notice certain similarities; therefore, once you read the first letter, you can skim the rest. The bits that are individual to each particular letter are in boldface.

To whom it may concern:

         I recently had the pleasure of sampling your delightful product, the FRESH-NAP MOIST TOWELETTE.

         After initially reading the back of the package, which claimed that the towelette within was "very strong" and had the power both to clean and refresh my face and hands without the use of any soap or water, I must admit I was a little skeptical. But after swallowing my doubts and trying the product, I was amazed at the results. My FRESH-NAP MOIST TOWELETTE was amazingly refreshing and, to say the least, "pleasantly scented", it did self-dry in seconds, and my skin was left smooth and soft!

         Thank you, Kari-Out Co., for the chance to experience the kind of cleanliness-on-the-go one can only receive from a moist towelette. I came across this towelette by chance, and began to look forward to the free towelette at the end of all my restaurant meals. But these days handy towelettes are maddeningly sparse.

         In this dog-eat-dog world of high-speed connections and the Internet, it should perhaps come as no surprise that people just don't take the time anymore to sit back, inhale the pleasant scent and wipe away their troubles (or at least the barbeque sauce) with a handy towelette. Still, I believe the world is ready for a towelette comeback. If towelettes were as widely available as, say, sugar packets, the world would be a much cleaner, healthier place, don't you agree? I'd like to see, someday, a moist towelette offered after every meal, snack of business transaction.

         In any case, I just wanted to congratulate you on your wonderful product, and also on the amusing wobbly panda printed on the package. Thank you, Kari-Out Co., for making my world just a little more refreshing.

         Sincerely,


         L. E. Hughes
         Consumer
To whom it may concern:

         I recently had the pleasure of sampling your delightful product, the CHILI'S GRILL & BAR MOIST TOWELETTE.

         After initially reading the back of the package, which claimed that the towelette within had the power both to clean and refresh my face and hands without the use of any soap or water, and had a lemon scent which was "pleasing", I must admit I was a little skeptical. But after swallowing my doubts and trying the product, I was amazed at the results. My CHILI'S MOIST TOWELETTE was amazingly refreshing and "pleasing" the say the least, it did self-dry in seconds, and my skin was left smooth and soft!

         Thank you, Sanfacon, for the chance to experience the kind of cleanliness-on-the-go one can only receive from a moist towelette. I came across this towelette by chance, and began to look forward to the free towelette at the end of all my restaurant meals. But these days handy towelettes are maddeningly sparse.

         In this dog-eat-dog world of high-speed connections and the Internet, it should perhaps come as no surprise that people just don't take the time anymore to sit back, inhale the pleasant scent and wipe away their troubles (or at least the barbeque sauce) with a handy towelette. Still, I believe the world is ready for a towelette comeback. If towelettes were as widely available as, say, sugar packets, the world would be a much cleaner, healthier place, don't you agree? I'd like to see, someday, a moist towelette offered after every meal, snack of business transaction.

         In any case, I just wanted to congratulate you on your wonderful product, and also on the friendliness of the text on the back of the package which opens, "Here is your towelette". My towelette. It gives me this delicious feeling like I've been given something wonderful. And, you know what? I think I have. Thank you, Sanfacon, for making my world just a little more refreshing.

         Sincerely,


         L. E. Hughes
         Consumer
To whom it may concern:

         I recently had the pleasure of sampling your delightful product, the ACTIONŽ MOIST TOWELETTE.

         After initially reading the back of the package, which claimed that the towelette within had the power both to refresh and clean my face and hands without the use of any soap or water, I must admit I was a little skeptical. But after swallowing my doubts and trying the product, I was amazed at the results. My ACTIONŽ MOIST TOWELETTE was amazingly refreshing, it did self-dry in seconds, and my skin was left smooth and soft!

         Thank you, Nice-Pak Products Inc., for the chance to experience the kind of cleanliness-on-the-go one can only receive from a moist towelette. I came across this towelette by chance, and began to look forward to the free towelette at the end of all my restaurant meals. But these days handy towelettes are maddeningly sparse.

         In this dog-eat-dog world of high-speed connections and the Internet, it should perhaps come as no surprise that people just don't take the time anymore to sit back, relax and wipe away their troubles (or at least the barbeque sauce) with a handy towelette. Still, I believe the world is ready for a towelette comeback. If towelettes were as widely available as, say, sugar packets, the world would be a much cleaner, healthier place, don't you agree? I'd like to see, someday, a moist towelette offered after every meal, snack of business transaction.

         In any case, I just wanted to congratulate you on your wonderful product, and also on the amusing "ACTIONŽ" design that always seems to put one in mind, not unpleastantly, of prom night. Thank you, Nice-Pak Products, Inc., for making my world just a little more refreshing.

         Sincerely,

         L. E. Hughes
         Consumer
The primary response, received on Friday, January 12:
Thank you for taking the time to write us such a nice letter on the Action towelette. We appreciate you enthusiasm about the product and hope that you continue to use it.

Sincerely,

Joann Reilly
Director of Marketing
I was pleased with the polite response and went on with my life. Then a SECOND response was recieved at my house on Monday, January 22! The letter, which made me feel really, really guilty (even though writing a pleasant letter to a company is not really a sin) read as follows: Dear Ms. Hughes,

It is most refreshing to hear from a consumer that they enjoy our products. Thank you for your kind e-mail regarding Nice-Pak's Action brand moist towelettes. In a small way of saying thank you, I have enclosed several of our products for you to enjoy. While I cannot tell you where you could obtain these in your area, I hope that you will enjoy them just the same.

Again, thank you for liking our products.

Sincerely,

Monte G. Euler
National Sales Manager
Whoa! Now I'm scared to mail them and say Thank You, because they might send me MORE stuff, which would make me feel worse.

This is what I got in the package:
-box of 100 packets of The Original Wet-Nap (approx. $2.60)
-box of 20 eye make-up remover cloths (approx. $1.30)
-box of 30 lens and screen wipes (approx. $1.50)
-box of 36 nail polish remover cloths (approx. $1.50)
-some white cloth stuff that may or may not have been packing material. (approx. $.50)

Add to that $3.95 shipping, and they've spent over $11 on me!! I'm not worth that much!!!

That just shows what a little smarm can get you. Eye make-up remover. Lots and lots of eye make-up remover.