• Rags's Home Page
  • The Trouble with LAN Parties
    more..
  • The Possibilities of Awards Shows
  • The Henchmen Cooperative Project
    more..
  • Halloween Resurrection
  • The Christmas Flowchart
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • World History Archive
  • Angel Blue
    more..
  • Flash

  • Paul's Ignorant Octopus Spin Doctor
  • Bilbo the Talking Gondar
    more..
  • Fun

  • Dress Up Paul
  • Jerry Bruckheimer Plot Generator
    more..
  • Blogs

  • The Anonymous Blonde
  • Chefelf.com
  • Jacques Talk
    L&EJacquesEmail

    Consumer Warning

    It has recently come to my attention that a great injustice is being perpetuated upon the public. A certain bastard "rapper" has robed himself in the moniker "Eminem". Unfortunately, Eminem is not as tasty as his delicious name would suggest. It is difficult for me to perform a thorough enough inspection, but the following facts seem apparent:

    1) He is not at all sweet. Nor does he appear to be filled with any manner of confection, chocolate, or creamy nougat.

    MnM Eminem

    A portrayal of the adverse affect Eminem has had, prompting this M&M to make an irreversible decision. The terrible mistake has disastrous consequences.

    2) He is not round and crunchy.

    3) He is white, yet does not appear to be for holiday use only.

    4) M&Ms generally refrain from discussing "whores" and "bitches" for the more popular candy subject matter of mocking Baldwin brothers.

    5) As of yet, I cannot seem to purchase a bag of Eminems at any of the local convenience stores. And I'm not entirely certain I'd want to. Unless they were cheap enough.

    Now, while it is uncertain whether or not he melts in your mouth, as of yet, he does not appear to have melted in any hands that I am aware of.

    MnM

    Eminem's influence prompting the production of a less wholesome candy to compete with his growing popularity. But would you put this candy in your mouth?

    Suddenly, I can understand what all the fuss is about over this man. Rightly concerned parent groups are outraged simply because they wouldn't want their children putting any Eminems into their mouths by accident. Because that's precisely what Eminem would want you to do: mistake him for something he's not.

    I have yet to listen to any of the "music" produced by this "Eminem" person, and I'm uncertain I'd want to because of his already blatant rip-off of Mars Candy Inc. Swiping songs is one thing, but messing with defenseless candy and promoting yourself on and at the expense of their credibility... well, that's in a whole other realm of low.

    *

    L&EJacquesEmail

  • A Normal Life Process
  • Gullible's Travels: Day Fourteen
    more..
  • Elves vs. Nature
  • Captain Geocities
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • Questions for Anne Rice (J.M. Hoffman)
  • Some Much-Needed Help for George Lucas (Nick)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • Eskimo's Date
  • Company X # 016
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • What's Your Lip Gloss Personality?
  • What Do Your Clothes Say About You?
    more..
  • Fiction

  • Origins
  • My Fool is a Crock
    more..
  • L&E Comix

  • Lance and Eskimo Beat Feet
  • This Glorious City Weather Report