• Hot Fun in the Early Spring
  • Advice for TV Episode Summary Copy Writers
    more..
  • Jacques’s Outlet
  • Another Stroke of Brilliance on Jacques's Part
    more..
  • Why it Would Kick Arse to be an RPG Character
  • The Search For Something (Chapter 2)
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • Rachel's World
  • Angel Blue
    more..
  • Flash

  • British Road Signs Sing Gloria Gaynor
  • Rob & Paul
    more..
  • Fun

  • Dress Up Paul
  • Gerunds in the Movies
    more..
  • Blogs

  • Chefelf.com
  • Tegrisome
  • Jacques Talk
    L&EJacquesEmail

    Over the years, many questions have been raised regarding the philosophy of Star Wars. Yet none so pressing as the ongoing debate over one thing: why is DEATH STAR capitalized in the scrolling prologue to the movie.

    When seen in perspective, there’s an obvious enough reason for it. It’s merely an acronym.

    fully functional Darling Ergonomic Areola Titillating Harness, STill hAndles Reliably

    Much as the sultry Jar-Jar Binks, this was partially intended as a bit of comic relief. But beyond that, it stands for more. A deeper understanding would require one to enter the field of ergonomics in which one seeks to adjust (in theory and practice) the work environment and working conditions to fit the needs of the worker, creating a more productive and fulfilling workplace.

    In a sense, those aboard the DEATH STAR are the areola of the Empire. And the emperor himself is the nipple. Seen as such, we realize that stimulating the worker harnessed in this "DEATH STAR" produces an optimum setting for creativity and production.

    That the DEATH STAR "still handles reliably" though, seems to imply that the Empire was not the first to use this device. Secondhand titillating harnesses would be quite commonplace though in such a galaxy devastated by constant wars and surly green muppets. The golden age of areola titillating harness production would long have ceased as short little Rodians and lumbering Wookies now gather up empty toothpaste bottles and the like to support the war effort.

    Obviously enough, the DEATH STAR is resurrected in Return of the Jedi to complete the symbolic pairing of boobies, returning us to Lucas’s oft used stylistic gimmick (and one used by many artists besides): the "dual nipple theory" (which suggests that, under optimum conditions, boobies come in pairs). More generally, while the emperor holds position as nipple of the 2nd DEATH STAR, Grand Moff Tarkin is most likely the surrogate nipple for the first.

    Though the DEATH STAR is exempted from the sequel to Star Wars (Star The Empire Strikes Back Wars), we can still see recurring traces of booby symbolism here and there. On the bumpy surface of Degobah, those pointy dual spaceships in Cloud City, and even Princess Leia’s head. Perhaps a means of foreshadowing the 2nd DEATH STAR in Return of the Jedi.

    In any case, it now seems overwhelmingly clear why the DEATH STAR is in fact capitalized: to make subtle reference to the fact that it can lactate pure energy (or "force"), necessary for nurturing future generations of stormtroopers and those other guys who just wore those uniforms but weren’t stormtroopers. You know who I’m talking about. Those guys.

    *

    L&EJacquesEmail

  • Gullible's Travels: Day One
  • Extinct Beverage: Jeff's Berry Dream Soda
    more..
  • Ah, Japan
  • LnE Special HealthWatchZone Special Report: Dandruff
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • The American Crème (Pixy)
  • The Reign of the iloo (J.M. Hoffman)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • Lance and Eskimo Kick Ass and Take Names
  • Lance Turns 21- Part 1
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • Can You Take Me to the Prom?
  • The "Guess the Most Popular Slash Pairing" Game
    more..
  • Fiction

  • Once Upon a Time in the House of Gerard Depardieu
  • The Rubies of Omeron
    more..
  • Gullible's Travels

  • Gullible's Travels: Day Fifteen
  • Gullible's Travels: Day Four