For some reason, every e-mail I receive seems to have something to do with Britney Spears. Whether she’s proffering videos of herself naked, or asking me to switch my long-distance phone carrier. Frequently both in the same e-mail. She is everywhere and everything. Britney Spears is perhaps the philosopher’s stone of the Internet. Every bit of information out there seemingly chipped or derived from her lustrous self. Everything having its origins with her in some manner I suppose.
Come to think about it, I wonder what Britney Spears does when she’s surfing the Internet or gets daily e-mails inviting her to see herself naked.
Britney Spears scenario: That’s odd, I don’t remember having sex with a donkey. Let me check this out... Wow. I guess I did.
Or perhaps:
Britney Spears scenario 2: Donkey, eh? That’s odd, they told me it was a burro. Ah yes, the burro incident.
Now that I’m wondering, isn’t it odd how Britney Spears so quickly became associated with such lewd topics?
Why is it that the Internet itself so quickly became such an overwhelming forum for lewd topics? It’s so oddly arbitrary. I mean, wasn’t it equally as likely that, in its formative stages, the Internet could have just as suddenly been inundated by puppy and kitten articles rather than material of a lewder sort?
99% of the Internet could just as easily have been devoted to puppies and kittens had the climate at the time been right, becoming the ultimate forum for kitten and puppy concerns. Rather, it has now become overly saturated by far more objectionable things, such as articles written by me. I find all of this incredibly troublesome because reason would dictate the Internet’s leaning more toward a far more wholesome and popular venue of concerns such as those regarding puppies and kittens. What sick bastard doesn’t love puppies and kittens?
My articles could just as easily have revolved around kittens and puppies. Actually, I would have preferred that. Perhaps it’s not too late. If I simply go back and revise all of my articles, there may still be time for me to adjust them accordingly and begin a whole new trend on the Internet. It may not be too late for me to save the Internet. Or, then again, it just might be.
