by: Chefelf

In the summer of 1993 Paul, Nate and Laura went to England. We'd like to say that after three weeks we returned to the United States with a better understanding of English life and culture. Unfortunately we were young and stupid so all we came back with was stories about hanging around the place we stayed watching "Telly". Also we went to see Jurrasic Park... great flick!

Nate kept a journal of his travels in Great Britain... Paul and Laura kept similar books but filled them with silly drawings. Presented here for the first time is Chef "Nate" Elf's English Travel Journals.... enjoy.

[The words in red are the words of Present Day Nate. You don't think that's too vain do you?]

12:18 A.M.
The last day! I've got lots of books to read on the plane so I don't think that I'll really get very bored on the plane.

1:16 A.M.
We made such a mess of this place for the maid to clean up. There's popcorn kernels everywhere! Too bad!

9:27 A.M.
Didn't get a whole lot of sleep. I don't know how I'm going to carry all my stuff around in the airport. I've got a lot of stuff including a huge painting of a fighter jet (cool, huh?). Time to strap some of it to Laura's back I suppose.

2:20 P.M.
We finally sat down in the airport. The guy who drove the transport to the airport from the car rental place was the greatest. His name was Lloyd and he a funny and friendly gentleman.

4:20 P.M.
We're just sitting her on the plane waiting to take off. The guy on the side of us is absolutely paranoid. He told me about how he's worried that if we crashed that they wouldn't be able to identify his corpse because he has bad dental records. Lovely. It's really hot in this plane. Hopefully some cold air will be boarding before we take off.

[In retrospect that should have scared the life out of me, but for some reason it didn't make me nervous at all.]

4:39 P.M.
Dear Diary: Please don't be mad at me or yell at me or tell me to "sod off" but I forgot to tell you more about Lloyd. Paul was drinking a 2 Litre of Coke out of the bottle and Lloyd was poking fun at his incredible unhuman ability to consume carbonated beverages. Then when we got off the bus Paul was drinking a can of Coke so Lloyd asked him if he had stock in Coke. Lloyd is my favourite.

4:46 P.M.
Just had another one of those one-sip orange juices. They're playing Bill Cosby stand-up on the headphones.

5:18 P.M.
Just broke through a layer of clouds. It's great looking down at the cloud formations. It's a whole new landscape or "cloudscape" or ahh... who cares.

5:25 P.M.
I'm listening to the classical station while they show this really glorifying video about the United States. All the suckers on this plane not from the U.S. are probably buying all of it.

6:50 P.M. (London Time)
Had a delicious meal again. Tortellini, chicken, potatoes, cheese and crackers. And a truly deifying (don't ask me what that's supposed to mean) raspberry desert.

[It's true, ever since that flight everyone on that plane that ate the desert has been a god.]

10:02 P.M. (London)
5:02 P.M. (EST) Just changed my watch. The in-flight movie was so much better this time. It was Dave. The movie on the way here was about a guy who becomes the King accidentally. This was about a man who became president accidentally. Go figure.

[It just so happens that at the time of this trip there were two comedies out that were really amateurish views of another country. What do they do now? I wonder if they play other stupid movies about Americans and English people or if they just keep playing those two movies. I could only imagine someone who commutes to London regularly being constantly subjected to the movie King Ralph.]

5:30 P.M.
I had a lunch type thing. I ate three sandwiches but I don't really know what any of them were. There was also a fruit tree. I never new that kiwis were so good.

11:54 P.M.
I'm home now in my own bed. The jet lag isn't so bad this time around. I'm tired now and this is an acceptable time to go to sleep. All in all this was a very rewarding vacation but I'm glad to be home.

11:59 P.M.
The End.

[Today's grade: A+, there's not much of a better way to spend a flight I guess.]

End of Day
Next time: A recap and my thoughts on the vacation in general!