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•The Erotic Adventures of Scrooge McDuck
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Domains for Sale

Hey, here's one for you nostalgia buffs out there. Remember when dabbling in domain name speculation was like printing money? CEOs would tip bushel baskets of rubies at your feet (or at least sue you) in order to get the rights to strategic web real estate like "business.com" or "frugalandfrantic.com" or "1800pisspoorfloridalawfirms.net." Now, of course, those same CEOs are trying to trade their freebie beach balls for empty McDonalds styrofoam packages they can lick and staring meditatively at their girlfriends' kitten, who looks to them like a giant drumstick. That's not that great for them, or for their girlfriend, or for their girlfriend's kitten, but for us, it's an opportunity! While everyone else is losing their heads, you and I can buy up key domain names at rock bottom prices.

With demand dropping, more attractive domain names are being sold for less money than ever before. In order to do a little preliminary research, I went to domains-global.com, and I was pleasantly surprised at what was available.

(Note: All these domains were found at http://www.domains-global.com/available_domain_names.htm on May 26, 2001. I can't guarantee that these exact properties will still be around. But there will be other, equally savory domain names for sale. I keep hoping that I will see domains-global.com on the list in some weird, recursive illustration of the dot com crash.)

Paul's Picks

aquamasters.net: Are you a team of water-based superheroes looking to establish an online presence? Was "soggy-losers.com" taken? Whether your powers include swimming quickly through water, dousing evildoers with water, shorting out evil electrical villains with water, or becoming clean when exposed to water, you need a name which proclaims your mastery of the least popular element. And just think: the fact that it's a .net domain is a bonus! That's never happened before!
PRICE: $15,000

beach-bum.org: Domain name speculation may seem a little unsavory at times, but no one could feel guilty about gouging the beach bums. They have more money than they know what to do with, with their metal detectors and all. Besides, once (I swear this is true) I cut a beach bum with my shiv and nickels came out.
PRICE: $23,000

casino-online-casino-online.com: This is a hot commodity, or it would be, on planet Earth-Earth. A little research reveals that "barnes-and-noble-and-noble.com" and "amazon-amazon-amazon-amazon-amazon.com" are still available. Step right up!
PRICE: $30,000

blackjack-blackjack.net: OK, I restrained myself on "casino-online-casino-online.com", but I can no longer: Guarantees repeat visitors. Ha ha.
PRICE: $40,000

slot-slots.com: "Repeat visitors." You see, it's a play on two meanings of the word "repeat."
PRICE: Unnanounced, but we can assume it's a lot.

dotcomkid.ws: This one is just not going to sell. Setting aside the fact that "Dot Com Kid" is an idiotic sequence of words, and that no one would declare themselves a "dot com kid" any more than they would a "perennial virgin" or "volleyball target," this domain is really shooting itself in the foot by not having a .com extension. But no fear: I checked it out, and "dotwskid.ws" is available!
PRICE: $22,000
DOTWSKID.WS PRICE: FREE (WHILE IT LASTS)

cowface.com: They're practically giving away cowface.com. Right now, as he reads this, some cow-faced guy is rubbing his hooves together and muttering "show me the money!" as he gathers together the glittering stacks of Friendly's Cow Coins with which he plans to pay. Guess what: Those aren't legal tender, buddy! Which is the only reason this domain is still as cheap as it is.
PRICE: $2,000

The Cyprus Connection

About half the sites for sale at any time seem to contain the word "cyprus." Can anyone explain this to me? Presented without comment are the names and prices of about 1% of the Cyprus names available.

C-Y-P-R-U-S.com: $20,000
casino-cyprus.com: $4,000
cyprus-casino.com: $15,000
cyprus-adventure.com: $4,000
cyprus-agrotourism.com: $12,500
cyprus-developer.net: $6,000
gay-cyprus.com: $5,000
cypruscarhire.com: $40,000
cyprus-car-hire.com: $75,000
cyprus-car-rental.com: $20,000
cyprus-hire-car-rental.com: $15,000
cyprus-cyprus.com: $3,000
cyprus-cyprus-cyprus.com: $4,000
cyprus-cyprus-cyprus-cyprus-cyprus.com: $3,000