by: Chefelf

In the summer of 1993 Paul, Nate and Laura went to England. We'd like to say that after three weeks we returned to the United States with a better understanding of English life and culture. Unfortunately we were young and stupid so all we came back with was stories about hanging around the place we stayed watching "Telly". Also we went to see Jurrasic Park... great flick!

Nate kept a journal of his travels in Great Britain... Paul and Laura kept similar books but filled them with silly drawings. Presented here for the first time is Chef "Nate" Elf's English Travel Journals.... enjoy.

[The words in red are the words of Present Day Nate. You don't think that's too vain do you?]

11:25 A.M.
After a delicious breakfast including sparkling grape juice and pop tarts, Laura Paul and I retired to our rooms. Paul tried to draw a picture of girl in a magazine but ended up drawing a fly swatter instead. We're taking the day off today and we need it. We slept quite late and I had a dream about an amusement park with a ride called "Helicopter Hoo-Hoo."

[We need a day off? Says who? We're on vacation! What are we relaxing from? I can hardly believe how incredibly lazy and stupid we were. As I read these journals of a stupid 15 year old who has hundreds of dollars in his pocket off on an expensive vacation my blood boils. I have about $17.00 to my name and would kill for an experience like this, yet this little snot nosed punk is wasting all of his time and money on this wonderful vacation! Curse you Nathan!]

1:40 P.M.
Paul and I wandered in the woods through these paths and met some interesting people. Everyone who goes through here is walking a dog. Some guy called us "chaps."

2:05 P.M.
We just formulated a brilliant plan that involves glueing felt to all the doors in the rooms so they won't make as much noise when they shut. The only flaw in the plan is the people at the University getting mad that we are glueing stuff to their doors. The way I figure it is that we'll be long gone before they ever even know it happened.

8:08 P.M.
After a nap and supper, Paul, Laura and myself had contests such as who could draw a better picture of Terry Pratchett and who could write a better play. My play was a one act play about a kidney bean. Paul is drawing in his little black book right now. I think it's time to illustrate my play.

9:01 P.M.
We went to the student union of the college and saw a vending machine that sells banana flavoured milk in cans. Then we went into the yard and attempted to fly a kite but it didn't work.

11:02 P.M.
I know I often use the expression "The worst ______ in the world." but tonight I can retire that expression because it is safe to say that I have seen the absolute worst movie in the history of time and space. It was called Django and it was about a horseless cowboy who dragged a coffin with him everywhere he went. In the coffin he had a gun (you know, for easy access).

[I was young and foolish at the time. In the past eight years I have probably seen 20 movies worse than Django. Still it was not a quality film. It was an Italian made western, 'nuff said.]

[Today's grade: I, Incomplete. Why on earth were we hiking and flying a kite? What the hell were we thinking?]

End of Day
Next time: We see a Sean Connery Film and Paul turns 17!