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Star Wars A Dissertation

Over the years, many questions have been raised regarding the philosophy of Star Wars. Yet none so pressing as the ongoing debate over one thing: why is DEATH STAR capitalized in the scrolling prologue to the movie.

When seen in perspective, thereís an obvious enough reason for it. Itís merely an acronym.

fully functional Darling Ergonomic Areola Titillating Harness, STill hAndles Reliably

Much as the sultry Jar-Jar Binks, this was partially intended as a bit of comic relief. But beyond that, it stands for more. A deeper understanding would require one to enter the field of ergonomics in which one seeks to adjust (in theory and practice) the work environment and working conditions to fit the needs of the worker, creating a more productive and fulfilling workplace.

In a sense, those aboard the DEATH STAR are the areola of the Empire. And the emperor himself is the nipple. Seen as such, we realize that stimulating the worker harnessed in this "DEATH STAR" produces an optimum setting for creativity and production.

That the DEATH STAR "still handles reliably" though, seems to imply that the Empire was not the first to use this device. Secondhand titillating harnesses would be quite commonplace though in such a galaxy devastated by constant wars and surly green muppets. The golden age of areola titillating harness production would long have ceased as short little Rodians and lumbering Wookies now gather up empty toothpaste bottles and the like to support the war effort.

Obviously enough, the DEATH STAR is resurrected in Return of the Jedi to complete the symbolic pairing of boobies, returning us to Lucasís oft used stylistic gimmick (and one used by many artists besides): the "dual nipple theory" (which suggests that, under optimum conditions, boobies come in pairs). More generally, while the emperor holds position as nipple of the 2nd DEATH STAR, Grand Moff Tarkin is most likely the surrogate nipple for the first.

Though the DEATH STAR is exempted from the sequel to Star Wars (Star The Empire Strikes Back Wars), we can still see recurring traces of booby symbolism here and there. On the bumpy surface of Degobah, those pointy dual spaceships in Cloud City, and even Princess Leiaís head. Perhaps a means of foreshadowing the 2nd DEATH STAR in Return of the Jedi.

In any case, it now seems overwhelmingly clear why the DEATH STAR is in fact capitalized: to make subtle reference to the fact that it can lactate pure energy (or "force"), necessary for nurturing future generations of stormtroopers and those other guys who just wore those uniforms but werenít stormtroopers. You know who Iím talking about. Those guys.

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