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  • Jacques Talk

    Jacques Takes Back Concession!!!

    "It seems I may have been a bit premature in my concession. Things appear to have turned around a bit. Now don't get snippy Paul."

    These were the words that echoed to Paul in an e-mail sent just the other day. This, in an election satire that has gone on far longer than anyone could have possibly expected, now entering into its third week of stupidity.

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    As the votes are tallied up, it appears that Paul's lead has been fluctuating to an unflattering degree. The situation in L&E.com gets more confused by the second as, now, an incredibly idiotic battle for the pride of being fourth place ensues.

    For instance, the battle fought over a single vote that was accidentally miscast by Jacques's old, Jewish dog for Pat Buchanan (the ballots not being dog-friendly enough) is preparing to hit the Elven high council in just a matter of days. Another main concern in this, of course, being that the final tally and recount is actually being overseen by Paul's younger sister Laura, who doesn't wear nearly enough makeup to qualify her for such hefty political decisions. Conversely, Paul's main concern is that Jacques doesn't have a dog.

    In an election that has been full of surprises, things could end up coming down to only a handful of votes. Meanwhile, the whole Internet waits and watches.

    "Many other Internet sites have been making jokes about this whole fiasco, I've heard," lies Bilbo, friend of Jacques's, "but it simply goes to show how strong LanceandEskimo.com is in its ability to withstand this harsh criticism and go on beating this dying satire. That kind of confidence is a refreshing slap to us all."

    While Paul's campaigning has been, for the most part, limited to L&E.com, Jacques has worked hard on attaining the much needed porn site demographic, which accounts for a whopping 100% of potential voters. If successful, Jacques campaign will be aided by the essential "pervert vote".

    But for now, the question of who is the fourth cutest in this year's LanceandEskimo.com elections is a matter left up to the courts.

    ...and Jacques is currently entering the helicopter as it prepares to lift off. He turns to the crowd behind him for one last wave and statement: "I am not a puppy".




  • The Prophecies of Nicetradamus (pt. 1)
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