Laura's Mailbag: July 2002

The time has come again, dear readers, for me to sift through my inbox. I've let the mail pile up far too long. The truth is that I haven't inflamed readers in a major way since the Lizzie McGuire Incident, which inspired not one but two full articles' worth of angry letters. Today is a bit different. I have a jumble of different types of reader mail.

PLEASE NOTE: I did not ask permission to print any of these letters. If I have printed your letter or any information about you (usually your first name at most, if you include it in your notice) against your will, I apologize and I shall attempt to rectify the situation as soon as possible, unless you are mean to me.

Wonderland Mail

Says Jarrod:

I have searched all over the net today and it seemed that NOBODY remembered "Adventures In Wonderland." Then I stumbled upon your site. Yay somebody does remember it besides me! Well, thanks again!

Says Diane:

THANK YOU for writing about Adventures in Wonderland!!! You're sooo right about not having ANY sites on the net about it! Thanks again!

Says Amy:

Hi, I remember Adventures In Wonderland, It was sooo cool!! I was just looking on Google.com for some pages about it, and I couldnt find any. Then I saw yours and I read it. I think that someone should make a page about it with characters bios in real life and like where they are today. Then with stuff about the show, like years of running time etc. Well recently I emailed the disney channel and asked them to play disney shows from the early 90's. They emailed me back with the thing that they just send to everyone, then they said they sent it to a representative to read. I'll let you know what happens.

Thanks, Amy! I'm glad someone's taking action.

I'm proud to still have the ONLY site on the Internet about Disney's Adventures in Wonderland. Although, obviously, I'm not the only one who watched it. Power to the people!

Sims Mail

I have recieved a few responses to my recent list of Sims Expansions I'd Like to See.

First, though not chronologically, a simple note from Monica and Telicia:

You can have sims teenagers, for free too. try simslifecycle.com

Wow, thanks! I'd be downloading right now if Paul hadn't reformatted his hard drive and deleted all my Sims games. You know, I didn't do my research at all, and a lot of the problems I mentioned having with the Sims could have been fixed with downloads or cheats. To be fair, though, I was going by the canon stuff (like, what they tell you you can have). I was set straight on many counts with the following piece of mail, which I will respond to piece-by-piece:

First of, don't be judging the game like that. There are 100s 1000s ppl who like it. Some of your ideas are sweet, others are ALREADY IN THE GAME and some are plain stupid.

This is a common misconception: that I don't like the things I criticise. Most of the time, I like the things quite a lot, or I wouldn't think so hard about them. To set the record straight, I definitely enjoy the Sims.

Another common misconception is that there's anything keeping you from criticising things that hundreds of thousands of people like.

HERE IS A LIST TO NAME A FEW:
ALREADY IN THE GAME:
Sims Autonomy: Press C+Ctrl+Shift and type in "autonomy 1-1000". this will make your Sims as independent (or not) as u want.

You know, I've tried that. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but it seems to me that it just plain doesn't work. Anyway, cheating is cheating; I want the game to ALLOW me to put my Sims on automatic.

Sims Weekends: Go to work every other day. (+ if you want more active time buy the black recliner chair and download and buy an Energizer (forgot where from) it will take you only 1 hour in Sim time for energy to go from EMPTY to 100% full instead of sleeping for 7 hours or more. You will need the chair for comfort ( a few hours every other night. or buy a comfy couch to get comfortable while watching TV.)

The energizer thing actually sounds really cool, although I haven't been able to try it out for reasons stated above. Going to work every other day, however, does not a weekend make, and it puts you in serious danger of losing your job. You can't always make your Sim go to work when you want him to. I want two days, in a row, where I don't have to go to work, the carpool doesn't even come, and I'm in no danger of losing my job.

Sims Teens: There are programs online that you can download and use like Sims Grow-Up

Again, a cool tip. Thanks to this guy/girl, and to Monica and Telicia.

Infinite Money: Use "rosebud" to cheat or download career creator where you can make a job that you work 1 hour a day (+1 hour carpool) and collect as big of a check as you make it. And you can edit it so you don't have to make friends or study your nights away to get promoted.

I knew about the rosebud thing, but for the purposes of the article I ignored cheats. Besides, I wanted it to be like a career, where you could just sit back and collect the cash. I didn't know about career creator, and I'm glad you told me (despite computer troubles; I know I'll get me some Sims eventually, and it's good to know). Thanks!

Houseguest : Two Words, The Sims Online (coming soon)

Oh, Christ. I don't want to have to play online. A lot of the features on Sims Online look really cool, but I flat-out refuse to pay a monthly fee.

Lord Of Files: Make you kid invite a friend and play with him / her till parents come back from work.

Oh, this doesn't satisfy me and you know it. I want kids to be able to live comfortably without any adults at all. Currently, you can have kids alone if you cheat for money and buy a robot to cook for you, but it's so annoying. You have to be turning the robot on constantly.

Good Ideas:
Orgy: Oh yeah, I would like to see that. But the game is rated T (teen) , uhh, we can always make it A (adult). not like they follow the ratings anyway.
3 story house: I would like to see a basement more but hey. the bigger the merrier.

Thanks.

Stupid Ideas:
Weather: It would make the game more believable but i don't feel like doing extra chores (shoveling snow, ect.) or pay my hard earned $emolions for someone else to do it.

You're right that it would make the game more difficult, but so did the Lifetime Bar in Hot Date. Making the game more difficult can often make it more fun. But weather could definitely be annoying.

Okay, enough Sims.

Pirates and Ninjas Mail

Hey there,
I happened on your journal because of the pirates and ninjas discussion. It's such a hard call, but i think i have to agree with you that pirates are way better.
You are a very funny girl. Why don't you have any photos or biographical information?
Keep up the good work.
Ruben

Thanks, Ruben! Actually, most of the bio info is at bear. librarian. Rock Star!, my weblog. (Not to be confused with my journal, which is this.) You can also find photos in two of my articles, Laura at Sanrio Puroland, from the summer of 2001, and more recently, Laura and Nick's Prom Adventure: The Adventure Begins, from June 2002. (You also get the added bonus of pictures of my boyfriend, Nicholas!)

Cryptic Mail

If you wrote the following piece of mail, will you please explain what it meant? It had the subject line "Chloe":

HEY U DON'T EVEN KNOW HER WHAT IF PEOPLE SAID THAT ABOUT U!

I assumed at first this must be about Lizzie McGuire, but who's Chloe? The actress that plays Ms. McGuire is named Hillary. Then I thought it must be about Zoom, but that girl was named Zoe, not Chloe.

I was, however, able to decipher a similarly cryptic email:

You should not swear in this, these are memories and we want them to be serious.. don't say "he was the queens b*t*h"

I finally realized that, in my Adventures in Wonderland article, I described the White Rabbit as "the queen's bitch" (because he is!). But the letter makes no mention of the article, the TV show, or even the White Rabbit. How am I supposed to make the connection?

Let me take this opportunity to rant at you. This is a pet peeve of mine, people mailing me about stuff without referring to what it is. The thing is, guys, that I write a lot of articles. Clicking on the Articles Archive link will tell you this. Hell, the fact that there is an Articles Archive link should set off some alert. Even if you don't percieve this, you should assume that I've written more than one thing. That whatever site you happen to see isn't the sole purpose for me being on the Internet.

Anywho. I assume this person's beef with my article is that I used swears talking about a kids' show. S/he certainly isn't the first, nor the last. But I insist on upholding my First Amendment Right to swear my fucking brains out while talking about wholesome children's television programming.

Other Sites Mail

I operate other portions of the site besides my journal, but they don't get as much mail, and anyway, there's nowhere to put it. So we'll jumble it in here.

For the Girl Zone:

Girls are the most phony things on earth. Every day is halloween. They have to put on the phoney face every morning. Hell, when halloween does come they just get up and are the scariest thing you have ever seen.

Thanks for your information about girls. I felt it needed to be distributed to the masses, as I'll likely not soon get around to updating the Secrets of Girls page. (Likely this will occur if and when I get any other mail tidbits for that particular page.)

For Lance and Eskimo Comix:

Hi,
That was an excellent Valentine special. Much better than a lot of pros.
Kyle

Thanks Kyle! That's one of my favorites, too. I love it when people actually love my actual work that is actually good! And despite the domain, the actual comics page doesn't get a lot of press. (It's not my fault I'm lazy!) Thanks again, Kyle! You rock.

And for Lance, a response to the Lance and Eskimo Personality Test:

i got you?...lance! was my answer...I got you? o well, what can you do...i got you
from your new good freind,
psycho

Despite your punctuation, darling, I assure you that Lance can do nothing about it. And, in his vanity, he wonders what you mean by "o well." He fancies himself the "right" answer to the Personality Quiz. (Well, he fancies himself, anyway.)

And for Paul:

The charlie brown cristmas dvde really rocked..seriously, you got to get this stuff out..love ya!

On behalf of Paul, I would like to say "Thanks," and I don't know what you mean by "get this stuff out," like out on video? Cause, man, we would if we could.

Fan Mail

Finally, to leave it on a positive note, I do get some fan mail, you know. Here's some recent mail from people who like me, they really, really like me.

Laura,
I'm not usually in the habit of sending out gooshy fanmail, but I just couldn't resist. Your stuff on Lance and Eskimo is excellent. Are you sure you're only 16.52 years old?

At any rate, keep up the good work. Oh, I also thought you'd be interested to know that Steven Tyler of Aerosmith is going to make an appearance as Santa Claus in Lizzie McGuire next season.

Just another fan,
Joe

Wow! Thanks. I am certain I am only 16, although the decimals keep changing. I like being thought older than I actually am. Also, I can't wait for Steven Tyler, for he has a large mouth and tiny, tiny thin little legs. Like a bird.

Says Shaun:

Hey i was reading some of the stuff you wrote on your site, and i was wondering if you would marry me.

Thanks! I'm too young to get married, plus it would most likely end in divorce. (Also, see below).

i browsed the site a bit and i have come to the conclusion you and i should reproduce. e-mail me back for the dynamics.

JMiller

Such a proposal is naturally flattering to an unwordly young woman such as myself, but, as I told Mr. Miller, and you should know too, I am not accepting any reproduction offers for the following reasons:

(1) I am so very young and immature that I would be sure to drop the baby on its head, and when it asked me "Mommy, what is sex?" I would not know.

(2) See above.

(3) I assume my boyfriend would be opposed to such an arrangement. I haven't asked him, but I flatter myself I know him fairly well at this point.

(4) I am vain and therefore opposed to becoming fat.

Fun Facts About Sanrio Puroland

This is one of my all-time favorite letters I've gotten as a result of the site. It's just entertaining, and from someone who actually experienced the wonders and horrors of Sanrio Puroland first-hand.

Dear Laura,
I was cruising Google the other day looking for the Puroland site when I happened across your journal entry about your trip to Puroland...I almost screamed "Thank-you!!!" when I read the opening paragraph, because I worked on Sanrio Puroland from it's development stages to opening day (9-10 years ago) and I have to tell you, it is the gayest place ever because it was designed by the gayest men ever. (And a few ex-Disney and Las Vegas designers of both persuasions.)

And don't give credit to the Japanese, these designing divas are of the home grown type, made in the USA and situated in Hollywood, California (at least they were at the time.). It wasn't unusual for the senior art director to flitter down to our basement model shop for a quick critique..."more glitter!!!", "change that green to lavender...I want more lavender". Even the gay men in the shop would shake their heads and roll their eyes, and refer to the Puros as "those nasty little men". I was constantly astounded that the Sanrio folks would approve some of that stuff, considering the theme of Puroland was "Purity". I guess the cultural differences kept them from seeing it in the same way as I.

Anyhow, I just thought that you needed to know that useless piece of trivia; other than that, I enjoyed cruising throuth your site, and I forwarded the "George Lucas's Neck Size..." article from the Brothers Redcloud page to my friend at Lucas Arts, I'm sure that it'll make the rounds...hope he doesn't get fired...
Joy,
Rich and Strange
(not rich but definitely strange)

p.s., if that "gender-bending" Shakespear-like thing you saw in the Fairyland theater was the one with the bags of jelly beans hanging around someone's neck like a pair of sagging boobs, you'll have to excuse me while i wretch...

Thanks so much, Rich. This email TOTALLY entertained me.

Thanks for the letters, everyone! If I've published your letter against you will, I apologize, and if I haven't published a brilliant letter, I apologize for that, too. The truth is I only print mail when I feel like it, and only the most recent letters get published in each thingy-wingy. So if you write to me when I'm not feeling like putting together a reader mail article (like, if I have anything else to write about), you probably won't see your name up in lights like this. Oh well.