• Crush List II
  • Why the Baby-Sitters Club Should Have Aged
    more..
  • An exclusive interview with Bette Midlerís dog!
  • The Day I Met Bruce Campbell - Part One
    more..
  • The Search For Something (Chapter 5)
  • The Search For Something (Chapter 2)
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • The Lewgosset Musk World Domination Page
  • Latex Implement
    more..
  • Flash

  • The Empress is Dying
  • The Worst Film Ever
    more..
  • Fun

  • The Anime Title Random Generator
  • Canada, Schmanada
    more..
  • Extinct Beverages

  • Extinct Beverage: Fruit Craze
  • Extinct Beverage: Tizer
  • Paul Says
    L&EPaulEmail

    15 Reasons why Chocolate is Better than Sex

    • chocolate is non-judgmental
    • chocolate likes to cuddle
    • no one ever heard of "chocolate crimes"
    • if a maid left sex on your pillow, you would be sad
    • chocolate is the ultimate expression of physical intimacy
    • sex produces babies, and babies consume our world's precious zwieback reserve
    • your boyfriend never starts crying and singing the French national anthem while eating chocolate
    • chocolate isn't morally wrong
    • when chocolate strains you to its manly bosom, you can feel its throbbing masculinity underneath its rough peasant garb
    • unlike sex, chocolate never tries to pull off outdated rap slang, claiming that you are "fronting" and asking its peeps to give a shout out
    • in televised debates, chocolate always wins because sex looks all jowly on camera
    • physiologically speaking, the human orgasm uses the same muscles as being abandoned on a desert island
    • chocolate never assembles in groups of 99 for a ceremony that teaches children to hate their Christian God (oh wait, that's why chocolate is better than Smurfs)
    • Albert Schweitzer is made of fudge
    • every time you have sex, another baby kitten dies

    *

    L&EPaulEmail

  • Company X #011
  • The Legend of Zelda -- Items
    more..
  • What's Your Temperament? Personality Test/Medical Diagnostic Tool
  • Bad Ads 3
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • Rory's Controversial Political Cartoon (Rory)
  • Boots (Mama Redcloud)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • The Adventures of Rex Blunder, pt. 2
  • Lance and Eskimo Think About Spiders
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • Name That Beauty Salon!
  • Are You Nate's Girlfriend Material?
    more..
  • Fiction

  • Elves vs. the Supernatural
  • My Fool is a Crock
    more..
  • TV

  • Laura Reviews Braceface
  • Aliens Have Eaten My Brain