The Complete Brothers Redcloud Archives

16-11-02 The Erotic Adventures of Scrooge McDuck: A disappointingly vanilla tale of triumph over adversity.
11-25-02 END PROGRAM: A chilling tale of man vs. computers that almost constitutes an update!
11-13-02 Overrated: Ancient Egypt: There are pyramids in South America tons taller than anything in Egypt.
10-28-02 Cyanide: Silent Killer: Arguably the worst piece of fiction that anyone has ever written.
10-15-02 Overrated: Citizen Kane: Orson Welles was in the Transformers movie, for God's sakes.
09-30-02 The Epic of Badwater Beaudry: C'mon, it's an epic poem with ASCII art... how can you not love it?
09-11-02 Overrated: The Mona Lisa: Papa Redcloud explains why the world's most famous painting sucks.
08-27-02 The Ten Dollar Haircut: Either an exercise in horror from one of the genre's modern masters, or Paul complaining about stuff.
08-26-02 Examine This... Earth: An amusing jaunt into sci-fi that hits a little too close to home... literally.
08-22-02 Embassy Blues: Jacques’s article this week is postponed on account of him getting caught up in the besieged Iraqi embassy in Berlin. Rather, what follows is an account of Jacques’s situation and the subsequent dispersal of it.
08-21-02 The Next Wave of Sprint PCS Ads: Nick ponders the future of a cell phone ad campaign.
08-20-02 The Erotic Adventures of Scrooge McDuck: A disappointingly vanilla tale of triumph over adversity.
08-15-02 How to Safely Invade Iraq: More classified information leaked from those idiots in Washington! If only someone would explain to them that classified means “not telling other people about it”. Idiots.
08-13-02 Overrated: Beethoven's Fifth: Resident culture analyst Papa Redcloud tells us why we shouldn't have to like it after all.
08-08-02 He’s Back: Guess who’s back, and now with his own daytime talkshow... The scourge of the 20th century!
08-01-02 The Henchmen Cooperative Project: Matching industrious henchmen with incompetent employers since 2002.
07-30-02 Things Paul Ate as a Kid: It's all food, no bugs and stuff.
07-25-02 Behind Lawyers: An examination of those books lawyers keep behind them.
07-23-02 The Day I Killed Bill Gates with an Axe!: Fan fiction about the ultimate D&D marathon session.
07-22-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Twenty-Three: Our journey home.
07-18-02 I have a dream: Jacques dreams about things other than the Pasta Wars of 1744.
07-11-02 The Business of Religion: Jacques goes door to door selling people on the religion of Urnootzra.
07-04-02 Happy Holidays!: Merry Christmas to all!
07-02-02 The Patricia Richardson Ate My Balls Webring: In our continuing effort to break all the rules on our played out list, we've got some topical, topical ball-eating humor for you to enjoy. Try to visit every member of the webring!
06-27-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Sixth: Letters to Inbal continue as the excitement mounts!
06-20-02 Zabibah and the King and Jacques: Jacques takes it upon himself to translate Saddam Hussein’s romance novel.
06-18-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Twenty-Two: We hang out in Reading and get into a car accident!
06-17-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Twenty-One: This beginning of a double feature to get these damn travel journals over with. Our "adventure" begins in Birmingham and we see lots of pictures of Lady Godiva in Coventry.
06-13-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Fifth: The Inbal Chronicles continue with Letters to Inbal.
06-12-02 Akimbo!: What? Another Papa Redcloud article?! The wise dad-guy of the Redcloud family returns with some more thoughts about English words. This week: akimbo.
06-11-02 An Irish Tale: (Flash 6, 240k) What do you get when you cross a family of Irish immigrants with an object of ultimate evil? Dare we say fun-larity?
06-06-02 At the rodeo with Natalie Portman: Jacques accompanies Natalie Portman to the rodeo.
06-04-02 Casting a Rueful Eye upon Literature: Papa Redcloud discourses on the word "rueful" and why so much of literature sucks.
05-30-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Fourth: Jacques considers revising himself in order to become a more appealing human being and win Inbal in the process.
05-23-02 Fruity Markers: Why the arts remains such an important appendage to the educational structure.
05-21-02 George Lucas's Neck Size is Inversely Proportional to the Quality of his Movies: A photo essay.
05-14-02 What's Your Temperament? Personality Test/Medical Diagnostic Tool: This is the actual test administered by Galen right before he gave people mercury to eat.
05-13-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Third: Jacques pauses to ponder his attempts at winning Inbal’s affections.
05-09-02 A Matter of Clarification: Is Jacques working for Saturday Night Live?
05-08-02 Do You Assume Too Much About Other People?: Find out in this new quiz by Nick!
05-07-02 Comprehension Test of Something Some Crazies Gave Me on the Street: Time travel! The destruction of Jupiter! Those disturbing cervical rings that are popping up everywhere! It's all explained in this reading comprehension passage!
05-02-02 Potential Video Games: The necessity of training children for the future may be relieved through a handy medium.
04-30-02 Fresh New World: How big a poundcake would be needed to cure all the world's ills?
04-25-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Second: Jacques’s quest to win the heart of Inbal continues as he updates his profile accordingly.
04-23-02 How Long Would it Take to Kill Bill Gates with an Axe?: Finally, proof that Bill Gates is the baddest mofo ever!
04-22-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Twenty: Our journey to Wales where Laura throws up on me!
04-18-02 The Intricacies Copyright Law: Jacques investigates the brilliant intricacy of copyright law.
04-16-02 15 Reasons why Chocolate is Better than Sex: Do your part! Repeatedly forward this article to all your friends!
04-11-02 The Romancing of Inbal: Perhaps the most breathtaking thing you’ll ever experience. Jacques’s epic quest to win the heart of an ambivalent Jewish single.
04-09-02 The 2001 Beer Commercial Report: Including an insight into the creation of Spuds the dog.
04-04-02 Jacques’s Outlet: Jacques expounds upon his life’s work and focus, to some degree.
04-02-02 Bilbo the Talking Gondar: (Flash, 170k) A disastrous foray into the world of children's television.
03-28-02 The Possibilities of Awards Shows: Jacques examines the unfairly overlooked possibilities of awards shows.
03-27-02 My Fool is a Crock: Oh my god! Laura wrote a story about the world's worst jester too, entirely coincidentally!
03-26-02 My Fool is a Crock: A story about the world's worst jester.
03-25-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Nineteen: We see actual Roman Ruins and Laura bathes a plastic dinosaur!
03-21-02 The Passions of Greedo: Since 1977, One Star Wars character has outshined all others. One character who until now has hesitated to share his emotions; his triumph, and his pain.
03-20-02 The Star Wars Episode II Betting Book: Just like horse racing, but there's only one horse, and it still loses.
03-18-02 Some Much-Needed Help for George Lucas: Because it's just possible that Episode II can be improved.
03-14-02 A Note from the Pocket of Jacques: Jacques’s fumbling solution to the whole dilemma of asking a girl out, diffusing awkwardness, and gentle seduction.
03-12-02 A Consumer Alert: Watch out! Those sites that reunite you with your old classmates may not improve the quality of your old classmates!
03-11-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Eighteen: My spelling lesson for Laura at the stone circles.
03-05-02 The F'ed Up Winners of the Caption the Senators Contest: Captions are revealed and prizes are doled out.
02-27-02 GOD EXISTS!!!: Jacques presents irrefutable evidence. And Fabio!!!
02-26-02 A New Contest!: What you lose in civil liberties you can make up for in prizes!
02-22-02 The Future of Technology and the Universe: A new operating system finally comes to fruition.
02-19-02 Bad Ads 2: Another look at the advertisements that keep America in a recession.
02-14-02 Valentine’s Day: A very special Valentine’s Day article for Saturday Night Live’s Tina Fey.
02-12-02 Mr. Bagel Have: A new comic series inspired by this one time I ate a bagel.
02-07-02 Origins of the Internet: Why is it what it is?
02-05-02 Paul is At Best Lukewarm About the USA PATRIOT Act: Non-US residents, feel free to stop reading this article now and return to the football hooliganism for which you are so rightly renowned.
01-31-02 Don’t Abuse Drugs!: A public service announcement as part of Jacques’s plea-bargained community service arrangement.
01-29-02 Ringworld Remembered: Paul and Nate review classic sci-fi novel Ringworld.
01-24-02 A New World Order: Jacques outlines his new method for dealing with difficult salespeople and other assorted morons of fluctuating caliber.
01-22-02 Origins: A prequel of sorts.
01-17-02 Leprechaun: The never-ending saga. A story older than time. An epic masterpiece.
01-15-02 A Question of Semantics: In a heart-warming piece, Paul discovers the joy of multiculturalism.
01-10-02 Jacques Finally Does It!!!: Jacques applies for a job at Saturday Night Live with Tina Fey. He mailed the envelope while eating a powdered donut.
01-09-02 Some Questions for Buffy: Papa Redcloud, the wise sage of the Redcloud family, returns with thoughts on the world of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
01-08-02 Banned from Broadband: In which the phrase "traffic jam on the information superhighway" is NOT used.
01-07-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Seventeen: The day we played a lot of poker and I killed a bug!
01-03-02 Jacques Asks Jeeves: Jacques bares his soul to Jeeves and, unlike some overpaid whore, Jeeves actually responds.
01-01-02 How to Be a Fancypants: A reference for the rest of us.
12-28-01 Planned Eat-Selescence: Paul criticizes Play-Doh for what he percieves as "a tendency to be too delicious."
12-27-01 Bruce Campbell and Tad the Banana: Two of the world’s greatest action heroes now join forces with hilarious results!
12-20-01 I Can’t Believe the E-mail I Got: This is just getting disgusting.
12-18-01 A Charlie Brown Christmas DVD: (Flash, 900k) Of all the flash films we've ever made, this one is the charlie browniest.
12-13-01 What To Do With the XFL: What’s the XFL up to now that the season’s over and they’re off the air forever? The adventure of a lifetime!
12-11-01 The Azores Mystery: Find the foreshadowing and win a free T-shirt!
12-10-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Sixteen: Exploding popcorn and a whole lot of Telly.
12-06-01 Jacques Sees a Movie!: Jacques attends a screening of the movie From Hell, the only movie this season in which Johnny Depp has a mustache! The movie stars Johnny Depp, that delightful guy from Nuns on the Run who isn’t Eric Idle, and a swashbuckling appearance by Johnny Depp’s mustache!
12-04-01 Paul's Dream: (Flash, 67k) Starring the Hardy Boys.
11-30-01 Jacques Gets Someone Suspended from School!: Jacques actually gets someone suspended from school for reading an article of his!
11-27-01 Sex Degrees of Separation: A little fun toy that will tell you how closely-related celebrities are, sex-wise.
11-22-01 Osama!: The first glimpse at Osama bin Laden’s new situation comedy! You won’t find this anywhere else on the Internet!... unless they steal it from us!
11-20-01 The Living Soap: A bonus story, regrettably about soap.
11-20-01 An Exciting WWII Story: Some speculative fiction, not about soap.
11-19-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Fifteen: We actually see "Jurassic Park" this time and go to freakin' Burger King for lunch.
11-15-01 Jacques Applies to the Daily Show with Jon Stewart!: Jacques is still looking for a job.
11-14-01 A Tale of Virtue: An exciting oral history, including mining and war stories.
11-13-01 Captain Geocities: An all new comic with a brand new superhero/soulless corporate icon!
11-08-01 Another Stroke of Brilliance on Jacques's Part: An open letter to Saturday Night Live’s Head Writer, Tina Fey (suggesting "improvements" for the show).
11-01-01 The Day I Met Bruce Campbell - Part Two: Jacques splits up his historic meeting with Bruce Campbell into two irregular parts at an awkward stopping point (like he’s done so much in the past) in order to fulfill his article quota for two whole weeks!
10-30-01 O Canada - a sequel of sorts: Who's more exciting than Laura? Paul. And what's more exciting than Japan? Canada. That's why our new choose-your-own-adventure travelogue is our most gripping yet.
10-29-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Fourteen: Our tour of Freud's house is cut short because we don't want to miss the matinee showing of "Jurassic Park"! But we do anyway.
10-25-01 The Day I Met Bruce Campbell - Part One: Wherein The L&E gang meet Bruce Campbell and Jacques makes a new friend.
10-24-01 An Open Letter of Apology to Bruce Campbell: Mustering all the dignity and class we can, we apologize for some of our book-signing faux pas.
10-16-01 The Fun Book of Fabulous Fast Facts: I got your knowledge right here.
10-15-01 The Apology of Lance and Eskimo Dot Com: We at Lance and Eskimo apologize for the fact that our site’s been down for a few days. But it was mostly Jacques’s fault.
10-04-01 It's the Muppet Show! - Part 2: Part 2 of an in-depth documentary regarding the Muppets, their life and times. The lifelike puppets who at one point had claimed to be “bigger than sex” speak out.
10-02-01 Elves vs. the Supernatural: If you like BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER...
09-27-01 Jacques Applies For a Job with a Rival Website!: Jacques sends a letter to a rival humor site in an attempt to infiltrate, divide, and conquer it! Will his attempt succeed!?
09-25-01 Pokemon Poop: When cartoon cuties and capitalism collide, what ensues can only be called comedy!
09-20-01 It's the Muppet Show! - Part 1: Part 1 of an in-depth documentary regarding the Muppets, their life and times. Just don’t fall asleep in any room with Muppets in it; you’re liable to wake up with a butcher knife hovering over your torso.
09-17-01 Gullible's Travels: Day 13: Stephen Fry on Telly and lunch in Burger King... again.
09-14-01 Elf vs. Its Own Kind: WARNING: Contains a story about a ring.
09-13-01 WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO OUR WORLD?!?: Something is definitely happening to our world, and I hope that everyone’s okay.
09-11-01 Welcome to Linux: Paul grapples with an unfamiliar OS and ruminates on BogoMIPS.
09-06-01 An exclusive interview with Bette Midler’s dog!: Get the inside scoop on what’s new with Bette Midler’s dog straight from the source.
09-04-01 L&E Job Applications: Publishing these must be a violation of some privacy law.
08-31-01 Smells Like Newbury Comics: It's a wicked good article!
08-30-01 The Onion | America's Finest News Source, which we are not: We are Lance and Eskimo Dot Com. We are not The Onion!
08-28-01 Caption the Senator Contest: It's funny because they can say funny things.
08-23-01 The Amazing Things About E-mail: An e-mail message that may just change your life, and possibly the world as we know it. And possibly your penis. The future is here!
08-21-01 The Adventures of Rex Blunder, pt. 3: A crudely drawn comic about a dapper playboy.
08-17-01 Velcro and Microwave Ovens: Raka discovers that one is not, in fact, the loneliest number: it's 8! Let's all laugh at 8.
08-16-01 A Plea to the Oscar Committee: This year, don’t overlook obvious talent. Some people just couldn’t choose the most qualified candidate if it was picking at their ass.
08-14-01 American Beans: A quick visit to a website where you can learn -- and laugh! -- along with America's least favorite legume
08-10-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Twelve: Dinner at Garfunkel's (not as cool as it sounds) and we meet the Queen!
08-09-01 A Wishbone Young Readers Adventure!: Jacques examines the classic adventures of a dog who travels through space and time by the power of his imagination. He’s obviously destined to kill us all.
08-07-01 The Creepy Cable Cartoon Guy: Don't try to seduce us with your alluring mascots, Cox Communications! We're on to your little games.
08-03-01 Elf vs. Beast (Again): Scary. Realistic.
08-02-01 Search for the Elusive Hawaii Steak Elf: The elf with the "coolest threads" is now out and about around town.
07-31-01 BAD ADS 1: Hey, sometimes it's hard to keep up consistent quality over 30 whole seconds.
07-27-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Eleven: Burger King, Sean Connery and Paul's 17th birthday!
07-26-01 Jacques’s Book Corner: Jacques reviews a Russian classic, weighs in on the sociopolitical factors governing modern-day Russia, and solves all of Russia’s problems simultaneously.
07-24-01 Stop the Denial of Service Attacks: A Plea for Sanity: In which we invoke the twin gods of LnE.com: Kurt Russell and God.
07-20-01 Elf vs. God: Another bonus story, this one heavenly.
07-20-01 Elf vs. Beast: A bonus story, filled with despair. A tail of redemption and a lion.
07-20-01 Elf vs. Its Mom: Angst-ridden.
07-19-01 Does Spinach Give One Superhuman Powers?: An objective experiment conducted by someone who wants to return to high school and kick some ass.
07-17-01 My Stupid Eye Adventure, Part 2: Paul goes back to the eye doctor, futher humiliates himself, and weeps openly.
07-13-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Ten: Paul and I hike through some woods and then see the movie "Django."
07-12-01 Erotic Science-Fiction: You know you want it. The best erotic science-fiction on the Internet and, quite possibly, in the universe.
07-10-01 Hawaii Five-Oh-Yeah!: The top 7 reasons why it's the best show ever.
07-06-01 Elf vs. Society: Angst-ridden.
07-05-01 The Tragedy of Snagglepuss: The tragedy to end all tragedies, literally. It is a tragedy that this was written.
06-29-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Nine: Our trip see the Phantom of the Opera and our quest to find Paddington Bear!
06-28-01 Sh*t Happens: And thankfully John Wayne and Elvis were around because of it. Plus, constructing your own John Wayne or Elvis with all the ingredients you need right at home!
06-26-01 The Adventures of Rex Blunder, pt. 2: A crudely drawn comic about a dapper playboy.
06-22-01 Elves vs. Nature: Grim. Tragic.
06-21-01 I'm Tito Jackson!: A Tito Jackson exclusive! Tito Jackson actually contacted us and wrote an article! Please welcome our new staff writer, Tito Jackson, the new Brother Redcloud!
06-19-01 My Stupid Eye Adventure: Paul, still under the impression that he is a clever man, wonder why he screws up simple things like a trip to the eye doctor.
06-15-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Eight: We go to the Imperial War Museum and eat at Starburger!
06-14-01 False Advertising: An in-depth examination of how rapper Eminem misrepresents himself at the expense of a sweeter act.
06-12-01 Latex Implement: A slick new business joins the LnE community.
06-08-01 Three Go In, Two Come Out, and a Squirrel Follows: A story about the redeeming power of love and turning people into squirrels.
06-07-01 Jacques Takes Back Concession!!!: It seems Jacques may have been a bit premature in his concession.
06-05-01 Armageddon: More like GIRLmageddon!: A timely review of the 1998 extinction-level-event classic.
06-01-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Seven: We go to see "Les Miserables" and I teach Laura to worship me!
05-31-01 Shocking New Developments!: Jacques demands recount and then announces his gracious concession from the Cuteness Elections!
05-29-01 Domains for Sale: Like throwing good money after bad? Then why not invest some of these hot domain names?
05-25-01 Brothers Redcloud Cuteness Vote: Lance: This is the last one, we promise.
05-24-01 Cutest Redcloud Brother - Jacques: Because when he smiles, it's heavenly.
05-22-01 Brothers Redcloud Cuteness Vote: Paul: Paul weighs in on the cuteness issue.
05-18-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Six: Our trip to Oxford where we... *sigh* buy art supplies.
05-17-01 CHUD vs. the Board of Education: Read an excerpt from the transcript of this landmark court decision on CHUD (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers).
05-15-01 I Don't Like those Game Shows That Much: Paul takes a unique stand.
05-11-01 Angel Force II: The Sidekick: Rory adds the finishing touch to Angel Force that will propel it to greatness.
05-10-01 The Girl Who Does the News, Part 2: More of our exclusive interview with Saturday Night Live's frank and fierce firebrand, Tina Fey.
05-08-01 The Adventures of Rex Blunder, pt. 1: A crudely drawn comic about a dapper playboy.
05-04-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Five: I get yelled at in Westminster Abbey and finally get off my ass and have a crumpet.
05-03-01 The Girl Who Does the News, Part 1: An exclusive interview with Saturday Night Live's feisty firebrand, Tina Fey.
05-01-01 LnE Special HealthWatchZone Special Report: Dandruff: Breaking medical news before it breaks us.
04-27-01 The Rubies of Omeron: High fantasy with lots of irritating color words.
04-26-01 Officer Kitty: Jacques's sure to succeed movie concept.
04-24-01 The Carl Sagan Song : (Flash, 112k) Our latest animation is dedicated to the late, great Carl Sagan.
04-20-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Four: The day we discovered Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles and doner Kebabs.
04-19-01 Star Wars: A Dissertation: The burning question, finally answered. Children, get your parents’s permission before reading this article.
04-17-01 OTIS: An Eiffel Tower Expose: Paul uncovers the grim secrets locked in Eiffel Tower propaganda. WARNING: You can't unsee the contents of this article.
04-13-01 Rory's Controversial Political Cartoon: Rory takes an enigmatic stand against censorship.
04-12-01 3000 Miles to Graceland: My Ass!: A piece to put a whole bunch of things in perspective... through my ass!
04-10-01 My Trip to France: Paul's dazzling tour of all the French landmarks he didn't see.
04-06-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Three: Read about us eating Sultana Bran and playing poker.
04-05-01 The Being Kurt Russell Giveaway Sweepstakes: Are you Kurt Russell? If so you can win fabulous prizes!
04-03-01 Paul vs. the Airlines: Paul flies the friendly skies and breaks them.
03-30-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Two: Our arrival in England and the beginning of our bout with jet lag.
03-29-01 Relationship Checklist: Ten signs your relationship is on the rocks.
03-27-01 Guy in the Elevator: Paul makes the startling discovery that not all commercials make sense.
03-23-01 Gullible's Travels: Day One: Paul, Nate and Laura depart on their journey across the Atlantic.
03-22-01 He-Man Theatre: See why Shakespeare's a bit more accessible than you may have thought. Reserve tickets at the Mattel-Hasbro Centrum.
03-20-01 Paul Works: Maybe it's just all the toner I've ingested talking, but that looks like Paul in a dress shirt. Dazzling!
03-13-01 Other Conversation Hearts: The Post-Valentine Conversation Heartstravaganza continues with this look at rare conversation heart varieties.
03-09-01 Paul's Ignorant Octopus Spin Doctor: Our most ambitious, and, arguably, our most enigmatic film.
02-20-01 Paul's Virtual Bar: It's lame to spend all night on the internet, but it's cool to spend all night in a bar, right? Now at Paul's Virtual Bar you can do both!
02-14-01 The Worst Film Ever: Well, second worst. According to our bastards to the north.
01-18-01 Glen Yarbrough: (shrugs) Some folk guy.
01-04-01 The Binary L&E Promo: Get ready for some pulse-pounding technological fun, and poop.
01-01-01 The Vengeance of Umenohana: An incomplete story from an incomplete dream.