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| " Putting barrels of monkeys out of business. " | Saturday, December 21, 2024 |
FRIENDSAt Lance and Eskimo, we're nice enough to host the websites of a handful of people we admire, thus saving them the ignominy of being on Angelfire or Tripod or something. The application process is long and rigorous and mostly involves "asking us". 5-21-09 NHL Playoff Commercial Review (Rounds 1 & 2): Chefelf reflects on the most recent NHL Playoff commercials. (Chefelf)
Warning: If you are sensitive to use of the word shit then please don't read this article. Double Warning: Also, if you are sensitive to use of the word shit don't read the title of this article or either of the two warning messages. (Chefelf)
5-16-03 Jason X: Yahtzee finally gets around to watching a film he must have missed while it was in cinemas. (Yahtzee) 5-15-03 Anonymousblonde.com!!!: The Anonymous Blonde woke up one morning to find her room in disorder, blood on her lips and fingers, a crescent moon tattooed in woad upon her brow, dog droppings in her slippers, and this on her desktop. (The Anonymous Blonde?) 5-14-03 Lance and Eskimo Beat Feet: In a brand new Lance and Eskimo one-pager, our heroes make a run for it. (Laura) 5-13-03 Consumer Alert: Voice Recognition Software: Bless its little heart, it tries. (Sister Wendy) 5-12-03 Pictures of Texas State Officials: An in depth look at pictures of the healthy and happy Republicans that run the great state of Texas. Don't mess with them. (Chefelf) 5-9-03 More Of The 100 Questions: I've started, so I'll finish. (Yahtzee) 5-8-03 Which Suicidal Poetess Are You?: Well, didn't you always want to know? (Anonymous Blonde) 5-7-03 Thoughts on the Role of The Lizzie McGuire Movie As It Regards to the Story Arc of the Series as a Whole: You didn't think she wouldn't go to see this, did you? And if you did, surely you didn't think she'd see this and then not write about it. Methinks all the staunch defense of her negative review made her like the show all the more, because she is contrary. (Laura) 5-6-03 The American Presidents 2: The contemplative sides of comic book heroes The American Presidents. (Paul) 5-5-03 Chris Inventions: Long-time friend of Lance & Eskimo, Chris, comes up with games, ideas and inventions all the time. They are always terrible. This is a review of some of the more memorable ideas he's had. (Chefelf) 5-2-03 The 100 Questions: This is probably the best way to get to know me. (Yahtzee) 5-1-03 Lance and Eskimo in a Magazine: Laura created this comic for the school humor magazine she founded. (Laura) 4-30-03 Quest for the Crown: Official Strategy Guide: Questwood Studios' QUEST FOR THE CROWN Official Strategy Guide features complete coverage of the latest game from the company that brought you THE SEARCH FOR MIGHTY-BREATH THE MAGIC PEGASUS. Players will find comprehensive walkthroughs for, as well as winning strategies for how to beat the game. In addition, area maps, detailed item lists and an all-inclusive character library are also provided. The best way to win is here! Warning: Spoilers Inside! (Nate & Paul) 4-29-03 Quest for the Crown: Paul and Nate have developed a hot new online RPG, and you'll get to be the first to play! (Paul and Nate) 4-28-03 Extinct Beverage: Amp: It's like Mountain Dew with ENERGY instead of caffeine! (Chefelf) 4-25-03 Amazing Spider-Man, The Game: It's not a C64 rom, and it isn't based on a horror film, but hey, there's no need to be pedantic. (Yahtzee) 4-24-03 The Anonymous Blonde's First Erotic Science Fiction: Some terrible publishing house wants to make the Anonymous Blonde write an erotic sci-fi serial for them. She's doing it, because she needs the money. But that doesn't mean she's going to do a good job. (Anonymous Blonde) 4-23-03 How they Localize Commercials: Paul continues his study of advertising by presenting four different regional versions of the same commercial. (Paul) 4-22-03 Laura's Unfortunate Powerpoint Situation: This article--which contains a Powerpoint thing--would probably be better if it weren't following in the great footsteps of Paul's Skeletor thing. And if you had Powerpoint on your computer. (Laura) 4-21-03 Computer Keyboards: A breeding ground for unnecessary features. (Chefelf) 4-18-03 Two Hundred Seconds: The problems with organised religion and mistranslation. (Yahtzee) 4-17-03 Adventures in Interviewing: In which Jen, as Elizabeth Shue, has wacky high rise adventures. (Jen) 4-16-03 What a Girl Wants: This movie review could be the sequel to Laura's review of What Women Want, especially since she went to see this film in much the same circumstances. (Laura) 4-15-03 Elephants On Parade: The Anonymous Blonde will render anything unto Caesar that Caesar wants, because Caesar didn't get to look at some damn fine elephants. (Anonymous Blonde) 4-14-03 Please "Flush". Thank's.: An ongoing battle over the state of New England signage practices. (Chefelf) 4-11-03 The Adventures Of Angular Mike: I made a special page for my latest creation! So far, thirteen comic strips that make very little sense! (Yahtzee) 4-10-03 Reductio Ad: Let's Have Even More War on Television: How we can mine more entertainment out of human suffering. (Papa Redcloud) 4-9-03 Trolleys Suck: A senioritis-stricken Laura doesn't appreciate the multiple modes of transportation that Rhode Island has to offer. (Laura) 4-8-03 Dress Up Paul: An actual, working dress-up doll of Paul! Now you can live out your fantasies of making him look slightly stupider than usual. Complete with Paul's actual wardrobe, including the Megadeth shirt with Vic Rattlehead and all the purple goo. (Paul) 4-7-03 No Bone Movies: A bit of nostalgia about the early years of Ozzy Osbourne's solo career. (Chefelf) 4-4-03 Meet The Crazy Moon Man: Yahtzee makes the staggering discovery that you shouldn't believe everything you read on the Internet. (Yahtzee) 4-3-03 I Bought a Website: Jen worries about the social ramifications of web-site ownship. (Jen) 4-2-03 Eskimo's Date: Finally! Lance and Eskimo, remember them? A one-page comic about Eskimo on a date. (Laura) 4-1-03 Great Powerpoint Demonstrations by Villains, Part 1: Skeletor's Soliloquy: Back in the day, villains had to freestyle their gloats, or use cumbersome cue cards. But if Skeletor had access to Microsoft Office, we all know He-Man would be sitting through a lengthy PowerPoint presentation like this one. (150KB, in powerpoint format) (Paul) 3-31-03 Where's the Protocol? (part 1) - How to Get a Coffee: The proper way to get a coffee. A survival guide for when I'm the King of the World and you want to keep your sorry ass out of prison. (Chefelf) 3-28-03 Person Without Girlfriend: Be nice to Yahtzee. He's not very happy right now. (Yahtzee) 3-27-03 The Anonymous Blonde's Ancestress' Oregon Trail Journal!: Blood tells, sort of. (Anonymous Blonde's Ancestress) 3-26-03 Internet Tips for Kids: Laura provides an invaluable service for all the children and family-oriented consumers out there. (Laura) 3-25-03 Aliens Have Eaten My Brain: Questions supplied by daytime TV, March 19, 2003, between 12:51 and 1:05 p.m. to which the answer is "yes". (Jen) 3-24-03 Extinct Beverage: 180 Energy Drink: Yet another magic energy elixir. (Chefelf) 3-21-03 Snormula 1: Yahtzee is enthusiastic about motor racing. Enthusiastic in his hatred, that is! Ho ho! (Yahtzee) 3-20-03 Bush to Saddam: We will--hey, get that camera out of my face!: Paul zooms in on what annoys him most about Iraq media coverage. (Paul) 3-19-03 I'm Sick of All Those Love Songs: I swear, Laura just hasn't been the same since she became a misogynist hermit. (Laura) 3-18-03 Overrated: War: War! What is it good for? Being overrated, apparently. (Papa Redcloud) 3-17-03 The Lovely Ladies of TechTV: A very long article about how much I would love to date all of the girls on TechTV. Written before I even met my girlfriend, I swear! (Chefelf) 3-14-03 The Premeditated Murder Flowchart: This website accepts no responsibility for people who are murdered directly or indirectly because of this feature. (Yahtzee) 3-13-03 The Anonymous Blonde's Printable Activity Fun Pages: Continuing her tradition of continuing the tradition of 50-year-old people putting stuff on the internet that doesn't belong there, the Anonymous Blonde brings you hot, printable pictures of her own luscious wardrobe--plus a luscious, limited-edition AB paper doll! (Anonymous Blonde) 3-12-03 Interesting Things About Amber: Direct from Laura's geology notebook to your stomach. (Laura) 3-11-03 A New L&E Promo: We're launching a new, slick ad campaign. It's got gears in! (Paul) 3-10-03 Patriotic Bumper Stickers: Don't get caught with your pants down when the inevitable American/British lead invasion of Iraq begins. Show your support for the war with these new patriotic bumper stickers! (Chefelf) 3-7-03 Age of Evil: I'm making a total conversion for Duke Nukem 3D. I just can't stop making games. This may be something to do with my astrological chart. (Yahtzee) 3-6-03 The Fifteen Dollar Haircut: Further exercises in horror, in the style of Paul Redcloud, master of horrality. (Jen) 3-5-03 A Day in the Life of Laura: Nick's partly retaliatory article chronicles Laura's average day. (Nick) 3-4-03 The Gang Scene in Detroit- An Insider's View: Reader and Motor City resident Mr. Fabulous expounds on some of the lesser-known gangs of Detroit. (Mr. Fabulous) 3-3-03 Name That Beauty Salon! (Part 2): Once again you must determine whether I made up the lousy salon name or if it is real. Godspeed, my dear friend. (Chefelf) 2-28-03 Why It Would Kick Arse To Be A Piece Of Chewing Gum That Has Been Chewed A Little Bit But Not Too Much: One of Yahtzee's less riveting treatises. (Yahtzee) 2-27-03 Parlor Games for the Next Millennium: Have you ever really wanted to act out a play over IM, but you just didn't have an internet-friendly script to use? Once again, the Anonymous Blonde pulls you out of your rut of stupidity by the forelock and gives you the solution. (Anonymous Blonde) 2-26-03 Laura Reviews: State of Grace: Laura gets back on the horse of critical reviewship of innocent children's shows. When will she ever learn? (laura) 2-24-03 Extinct Beverage: Jeff's Berry Dream Soda: New York Egg Cream Soda! It's even worse than it sounds! Yes, that's possible. (Chefelf) 2-21-03 Richard and Maureen's Amazing Time Travel Adventure: The second best short story about a dinner party on this website! (Yahtzee) 2-20-03 Bored of the Dance: Yahtzee is not bored of the dance. He loves the dance, the hypocrite. Shame, Yahtzee! Shaaame! (Yahtzee) 2-19-03 Nick's Day: Feeling out of the loop since Nick went to California, Laura speculates about the happenings of an average day in his life. (Laura) 2-18-03 Don't Joke About Earthquakes: An important public service announcement. (mp3, 400k) (Paul) 2-17-03 The Locust (pt. 2): The second volume of my 1985 comic book. (Chefelf) 2-14-03 A Very Special Valentines Day Cowboy Comic!: Something for all you ladies out there on this special day. Yahtzee is the funny man. Laugh at the funny man. (Yahtzee) 2-13-03 Fix The Mix: Holla! Pixy takes on P.Diddy's neverending fascination with the remix. Let's go! Uh huh, yeah. (Pixy) 2-12-03 Lance's Book Report: In lieu of an article this week, Laura has transcribed something she found on Lance and Eskimo's apartment floor. At this rate, her next article will be a common pickle. (Because that was also on their floor.) (Lance) 2-11-03 The Fabulous City: Paul experiments with horrible web design. Really horrible web design. Really, really horrible web design. (Paul) 2-10-03 Love: Man's Greatest Fear: A warm up for Valentine's Day. It's half article, half mindless rant, half sure to embarrass Jen and all article that is sure to embarrass me. It goes on and on and doesn't really make any point! You'll love it! (Chefelf) 2-7-03 The Return Of The Don't Mention Panties Game: Bear with me, I'm hoping to work a trilogy out of this. (Yahtzee) 2-6-03 Here There Be Dragons: Field notes from kindergarten. (Jen) 2-5-03 The Laura University History Department: The mission of Laura University is to provide only classes that Laura would want to take. (Laura) 2-4-03 The American Presidents: The first in a series of comics chronicling the adventures of the American Presidents, John Peacock President and U. S. War Bug. (Paul) 2-3-03 Cops!: A Splash! picture depicting the wild night life of Toon Town. (Chefelf) 1-31-03 Why I Should Be Cutest Redcloud Brother: I never let little things like being a year late get in the way of my dreams. (Yahtzee) 1-30-03 Annals of Interior Decorating: The Perfect Dorm Room: On Tuesday, Caolan received a panicked telephone call from her boyfriend, begging her to write an update for Tuesday, since he was marooned in his new apartment without Internet access. Being a good kid, she obliged, but then for some reason he had an article anyway. Remaining good, the poor little mome filled in for the perennially shiftless Jen & the Anonymous Blonde instead. (Caolan) 1-29-03 The Weather: Laura is sick of arguing controversial topics like religion and politics and television. (Laura) 1-28-03 More Like the Penultimate Resort!: Paul and Laura have a new idea for a TV show. Paul and Laura are idiots. Draw your own conclusions. (Paul and Laura) 1-27-03 Name That Beauty Salon!: Do you have what it takes to determine which lousy beauty salon name is real and which lousy beauty salon name I made up? (Chefelf) 1-24-03 Star Trek: Nemesis Was Not A Very Good Film: Yahtzee honestly didn't know about Jen's article yesterday. (Yahtzee) 1-23-03 Take the Con, Ensign B-list Celebrity: Star Trek Guest Star: not the deadend career you thought. (Jen) 1-22-03 Laura's First PHP Program: Last week Laura brought you a PHP program that she conceptualized and Paul actually designed. This week, she brings you a program SHE ACTUALLY WROTE--hence, it is not only intrinsically idiotic, but the content was given far less attention than the programming elements. Unfortunately, she had nothing else to put up this week, so enjoy! (Laura) 1-21-03 The Peace Coat: A fashion revue of sorts. (Paul) 1-20-03 Extinct Beverage: Niagara: The drink that quenches your thirst and makes you hot in the pants at the same time! (Chefelf) 1-17-03 Where Are You Going When You Die?: It's probably best to make sure. (Yahtzee) 1-15-03 The Rabid Pro-Lizzie McGuire Hate Mail Creator: Now you no longer have to spend time typing out your own angry responses to Laura's Lizzie McGuire review, which is good news for 90% of her readers. (Laura) 1-14-03 The Tale of Blessed Bernard: An Oregon Trail journal with all the elements of a potboiler thriller: adventure, romance, a bolus, and an evil baby. Illustrated by Lefty. (Omar Gookin) 1-13-03 The Locust (pt. 1): A comic book that Chefelf drew in 1986. (Chefelf) 1-10-03 Why it would kick arse to be Spider-Man: This article would probably have been more relevant if I could have been arsed to write it around the time of the video release. (Yahtzee) 1-9-03 What Does 2003 Hold for You?: The Anonymous Blonde lets go of her resolutions -- and her illusions -- just so she can bring you a little New Year's clairvoyance. (Anonymous Blonde) 1-8-03 The Trouble with LAN Parties: Laura complains about gender bias in multi-user gaming. (Laura) 1-7-03 Bad Ads 3: There's so much commercialism in commercials these days! It's almost enough to disillusion one with the ad industry altogether. (Paul) 1-6-03 Hate Email 1: Possibly the greatest advantage to having your own website is that you get to receive hate mail from people who disagree with you. Actually, that may be the ONLY advantage. (Chefelf) 1-3-03 The Christmas Flowchart: This is exactly how my Christmas went. (Yahtzee) 1-2-03 Modern Day Lepers: Unclean! Unclean! Would you like to fill out a survey? (Jen) 1-1-03 Laura vs Essays for Harvard: Battle of the Century: Laura, topical as a new tube of skin ointment (as is her way), honors today's red-letter date, that is, the application deadline for Harvard. (Laura) 12-31-02 Paul's Driving Manual: Everything you'll need to get your driver's license in This Glorious City. (Paul) 12-30-02 Where Have You Gone, Joe Shortsleeve?: Contemplative reflection on the state of the world and Boston's favorite garment-named newsman. (Pixy) 12-17-02 The Azores Mystery: A taut thriller with a twist ending loosely based on true events. (Paul) 12-16-02 Winter Wonderland: Revealed: An L&E investigation into the lyrics of a popular holiday song reveals a sick and sordid tale of love, murder and drug addiction. (Chefelf) 12-13-02 The Don't Mention Panties Game: It's like 'Alive', but with panties. Or rather, not with panties. So quite a lot like 'Alive', then. (Yahtzee) 12-12-02 Barbarian Queen II: The Empress Strikes Back! Hey, it's their title, not mine. (Chefelf) 12-11-02 College Crunch: Laura continues to discuss college, and why they should let her in. (Laura) 12-10-02 Paul's L&E Dream Mansion: Some day Paul will have the power to hand this blueprint to an architect and say "Build this", and the architect will have the power to kick Paul in the shins and run away. (Paul) 12-9-02 Jen's Christmas List: Shouldn't this have gone up last week? Perhaps. But the Brothers Redcloud accidentally commissioned two separate authors to do an article so we get this one a little later than expected. Ho ho ho! (Jen) 12-6-02 Yahtzee's Christmas Wishlist: Yahtzee asks for stuff he doesn't really want from people who aren't going to buy them for him. When you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. (Yahtzee) 12-5-02 The Anonymous Blonde's Christmas List: Think of all the fun I've missed! Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed. Next year I could be oh so good if / you'll check off my Christmas list. (The Anonymous Blonde) 12-4-02 Laura's DVD Wish List: Laura continues the impromptu theme week with a love letter to the medium of digital video. (Laura) 12-3-02 Paul's Christmas List: Now Paul wants stuff for Christmas too? Geez, how much stuff are you going to have to buy? (Paul) 12-2-02 My Christmas Wish List: All I want for Christmas is 11-29-02 Evil Dead: The Game: Yahtzee reviews another game from the highly specialised field of crap C64 roms based on horror movies. (Yahtzee) 11-28-02 Your Love Horoscope for 12/02: This is the kind of love horoscope that asks you personality-test questions and then tells you your personality. So I guess it's a love personality test. (Anonymous Blonde) 11-27-02 Nationally Meritless in America: Laura kicks off "College Crunch" by bitching about the National Merit Scholarship Competition, and Henry provides a delightful essay about why he should win the money. If I were in charge, I'd give it to him. (Henry and Laura) 11-26-02 GEORGE W. BUSH'S SECRET REVEALED!: It is proved definitively that GWB is not some poop. But the truth is even more horrifying! (Paul) 11-25-02 END PROGRAM: A chilling tale of man vs. computers that almost constitutes an update! (Chefelf) 11-22-02 The Spam Man Cometh: The truth behind spam is finally revealed! (Yahtzee) 11-21-02 Bruce Hellmont, Girl Detective: Noir. Very noir. (Laura and Paul and Caolan and Jen) 11-20-02 Laura Reviews Braceface: That new Alicia Silverstone cartoon about kids in middle school. Laura actually likes it, don't worry. (Laura) 11-19-02 Mu and Spick: Space Adventurers: It's a space opera! There are adventures! (Paul) 11-18-02 Gerunds in the Movies: Now YOU can quickly generate the titles of upcoming movies! Astonish your friends by predicting the next box office failure! (Chefelf) 11-15-02 Your Training Is Complete: A little story I wrote while locked in a sensory deprivation tank. (Yahtzee) 11-13-02 Overrated: Ancient Egypt: There are pyramids in South America tons taller than anything in Egypt. (Papa Redcloud) 11-12-02 Tegrisome Returns: Check up on the latest developments at our thriving business affiliate! (Keith Worcester) 11-11-02 The Six Esses of Extinct Beverage Tasting: A quick guide at how to get more out of your extinct and endangered beverage tasting. (Chefelf & Paul) 11-8-02 The Search for Something, chapter 9: Nine down, an indeterminate two-digit figure to go. (Yahtzee) 11-7-02 Halloween Article?: Why didn’t Jacques write a Halloween article last week, on Halloween? (Jacques) 11-6-02 Girl Zone Advice, Volume 2: They say that persistence is the mother of invention. This is why we continue to offer serious-minded advice for young ladies and gentlemen. Because we are trying to make an invention. (Ariana Squirrel) 11-5-02 Which Assassinated US President are You?: Strictly speaking, you are none of them, but you can always pretend. (Paul) 11-4-02 Deathstalker IV: The stunning conclusion to the Deathstalker/Barbarian Queen series. Unfortunately it's a little too late for originality. Lance and Eskimo's five hundredth article! (Chefelf) 11-1-02 Halloween Resurrection: The words 'flogging' and 'dead horse' spring to mind. (Yahtzee) 10-31-02 Violent Entertainment: Why is violence so entertaining? Perhaps it’s because there’s not enough nudity on television. (Jacques) 10-30-02 Once Upon a Time in the House of Gerard Depardieu: Bearly bearable. (Paul and Laura) 10-29-02 Overrated: Citizen Kane: Orson Welles was in the Transformers movie, for God's sakes. (Papa Redcloud) 10-28-02 Extinct Beverage: Fruit Craze: You'd have to be Fruit Crazy to like it! (Chefelf) 10-25-02 Welcome Short Construction Workers!: Another wonderful Splash! picture. (Chefelf) 10-24-02 Emmy Fever! - Part Two: Jacques steals an Emmy!!! (Jacques) 10-23-02 A Tribute to Rory on His Birthday: Laura unleashes her poetic side to help celebrate her chum's coming of age. (Laura) 10-22-02 The Ten Dollar Haircut: Either an exercise in horror from one of the genre's modern masters, or Paul complaining about stuff. (Paul) 10-21-02 Cyanide: Silent Killer: Arguably the worst piece of fiction that anyone has ever written. (Fiction) 10-18-02 Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth: Another TV celebrity's darkest hour is slated for the archives. (Yahtzee) 10-17-02 Jacques’s Play Hits Broadway!!!: Jacques dons a monocle and prepares for greatness. (Jacques) 10-16-02 The Further Adventures of Johnny Woonsocket's Adventures: The complete chronicles of a waste of a summer afternoon. (Various Q. Authors) 10-15-02 A Dialogue between A and B: Starring A! And B! And introducing C as himself! (Paul) 10-7-02 What is the Purpose of Life?: According to some Christians it is to tease wild bobcats. (Chefelf) 10-4-02 The Search for Something (chapter 8): More novel. Getting sick of this yet? (Yahtzee) 10-3-02 Emmy Fever! - Part One: Jacques wins an Emmy!!! (Jacques) 10-2-02 The Girls' Zone Role Models in Science Quiz: A sadistically difficult quiz about women in science. Yay, education. (Girls' Zone) 10-1-02 Killing a Boy: Are you so sure you know how? Take this quiz and find out. (Anonymous Blonde) 9-30-02 Extinct Beverage: Tizer: From the Tizer bottle we learn the French for "Refresh your Head" but not "This tastes like Band-Aids." (Chefelf) 9-27-02 Fight Or Flight?: An entertaining little diversion in which you can learn how you would have fared during mankind's evolutionary history. (Yahtzee) 9-26-02 The Spectacular Gatsby: The adventures of literature’s greatest Gatsby must continue! (Jacques) 9-25-02 Dr. Hansen's Face Wash Commercial: (Flash, 110k) Thirty seconds of hygienic adver-tainment! (Laura) 9-24-02 Paul's Dream Journal: A clever piece of software helps Paul explore the world of his subconscious. (Paul) 9-23-02 The Epic of Badwater Beaudry: C'mon, it's an epic poem with ASCII art... how can you not love it? (Fiction) 9-20-02 Sins of the Night: Yahtzee continues his study of naked breasts - er, the erotic thriller genre, in a thoroughly intelligent and highbrow fashion. Plus: pictures of kittens! (Yahtzee) 9-19-02 History’s Debacle: Cheryl Tiegs versus Honoré de Balzac. Bear witness to the memorable, yet terrible, clash of titans. (Jacques) 9-18-02 A Dramatic Tale: A wickedly melodramatic tale involving a real bunny. (Laura) 9-17-02 Kat Gets Sent to the Principal's Office: The continuing academic difficulties of the girl that Jacques got suspended. (Kat) 9-16-02 Motion to Strike... COMEDY GOLD!: A day in court proves to be the inspiration for great comic adventures. (Chefelf) 9-13-02 The Search for Something (chapter 7): Another novel chapter. Don't worry, I've got a million of these. (Yahtzee) 9-12-02 Genetic Frenzy: Studying the intricate nature of DNA is just like teaching a dog to bake cookies. You can probably do it if you spend enough time, but it’s just not worth the effort of wiping up all that slobber. It’s easier to handle things the old fashioned way: with phrenology and koalas who can cook. (Jacques) 9-11-02 Overrated: The Mona Lisa: Papa Redcloud explains why the world's most famous painting sucks. (Papa Redcloud) 9-10-02 The Ballad of Slylock Fox: (Flash, 300k) For those of you with inadequate syndicated Sunday comics, Slylock Fox is a sleuth who outwits Paul every week with elegant solutions to clever conundrums. This film is Paul's revenge. (Paul) 9-9-02 Extinct Beverage: Venom: The drink that makes you wish you were drinking actual Venom. (Chefelf) 9-6-02 The Early Morning Flowchart: Find out exactly how bad some mornings get. (Yahtzee) 9-5-02 Embassy Blues - Reprise: And so, the Iraqi embassy takes a bow, and Jacques’s troubles return for an encore. (Jacques) 9-4-02 Ghostwriter Remembered: Laura's shady memory comes through once again to provide vague and incomplete information about the old PBS show Ghostwriter. (Laura) 9-3-02 The Borscht Period: A Hippo Phenomenology: How much do you know about hippos? (Anonymous Blonde) 9-2-02 Not for Nibblers: The makers of Triscuit snack crackers don't want you eating their disgusting product. Find out why. (Chefelf) 8-30-02 Dead by Dawn: Yahtzee diversifies from reviewing horror movie sequels to an even more obscure genre: Erotic Thrillers! (Yahtzee) 8-29-02 Embassy Blues - Part Two: Jacques’s situation grows slightly more complex, in a festering sort of way. (Jacques) 8-28-02 Can You Get AIDS From a Glass of Milk?: Find out in this new Girls' Zone Health Corner Feelin' Good About You, Girl! Teen Issues Quiz. (Girls' Zone) 8-27-02 The Bad Guy Adventure: A treatment for Star Wars Episode III. (Slade) 8-26-02 Examine This... Earth: An amusing jaunt into sci-fi that hits a little too close to home... literally. (Chefelf) 8-23-02 The Search for Something (Chapter 6): More o' that sweet novelly goodness. (Yahtzee) 8-22-02 Embassy Blues: Jacques’s article this week is postponed on account of him getting caught up in the besieged Iraqi embassy in Berlin. Rather, what follows is an account of Jacques’s situation and the subsequent dispersal of it. (Jacques) 8-21-02 The Next Wave of Sprint PCS Ads: Nick ponders the future of a cell phone ad campaign. (Nick) 8-20-02 The Erotic Adventures of Scrooge McDuck: A disappointingly vanilla tale of triumph over adversity. (Paul) 8-19-02 Bullseye: Chefelf survives a close call with some members of the NRA. (Chefelf) 8-16-02 Fully Ramblomatic.com: Yahtzee joins the bandwagon and launches his very own domain! (Yahtzee) 8-15-02 How to Safely Invade Iraq: More classified information leaked from those idiots in Washington! If only someone would explain to them that classified means “not telling other people about it”. Idiots. (Jacques) 8-14-02 Fun with Hot or Not: Laura and friends attempt to exploit an online dating service. (Laura) 8-13-02 Overrated: Beethoven's Fifth: Resident culture analyst Papa Redcloud tells us why we shouldn't have to like it after all. (Papa Redcloud) 8-12-02 Extinct Beverage: DNA: It's like the genetic code... FOR GETTING YOU WASTED! (Chefelf) 8-9-02 What I Did Over the Weekend: A simple experiment turns into a hellish nightmare as I attempt to upload the whole of the Internet to my own brain. (Yahtzee) 8-8-02 He’s Back: Guess who’s back, and now with his own daytime talkshow... The scourge of the 20th century! (Jacques) 8-7-02 Laura's Mailbag from July 2002: Laura's long-overdue responses to some reader mail. (See, July 2002 refers to when she responded, not when the letters were written.) (Laura) 8-6-02 The Anonymous Blonde: A spiffy personal page by Who does Paul Love? auteur and former phone sex operator Anonymous Blonde. (Anonymous Blonde) 8-5-02 Summer Camp: A Love Story: Because Wet Hot American Summer only told part of the story... (Jen) 8-2-02 The Search For Something (Chapter 5): Chapter Five of the novel that amazon.com is too stupid to sell. (Yahtzee) 8-1-02 The Henchmen Cooperative Project: Matching industrious henchmen with incompetent employers since 2002. (Jacques) 7-31-02 Are You Boy Crazy?: Find out if, to you, boys drip alluringness or just mucous. Come on! Click! (Girls' Zone) 7-30-02 Things Paul Ate as a Kid: It's all food, no bugs and stuff. (Paul) 7-29-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 6): The stunning conclusion to my mindless bitching. (Chefelf) 7-26-02 The Dark Side of Beatles Songs: A line by line analysis of a famous Beatles song. (Yahtzee) 7-25-02 Behind Lawyers: An examination of those books lawyers keep behind them. (Jacques) 7-24-02 What I Learned in Driver Ed: How driver education ruined my life. Interestingly, this article was written almost entirely when I got home from the first day of class. (Laura) 7-23-02 The Day I Killed Bill Gates with an Axe!: Fan fiction about the ultimate D&D marathon session. (Rory) 7-22-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Twenty-Three: Our journey home. (Gullible's Travels) 7-19-02 The Armageddon Flowchart: When the end comes, why not be ready? (Yahtzee) 7-18-02 I have a dream: Jacques dreams about things other than the Pasta Wars of 1744. (Jacques) 7-17-02 GZ Advice: July 2002: The Girls' Zone advice columnist, Ariana Squirrel, answers some feminine teenaged romance questions from readers. WARNING: Contains honesty. (Girls' Zone) 7-16-02 Geek T-Shirts that Only Make 80% Sense: We reveal our new line of computer T-shirts, which, in turn, reveal that we don't know anything about computers. (Laura and Paul) 7-15-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 5): Maybe N'Sync would have improved things. (Chefelf) 7-12-02 The Search For Something (Chapter 4): Chapter Four of the novel that everyone's been talking about. It's like the great American novel except less American. (Yahtzee) 7-11-02 The Business of Religion: Jacques goes door to door selling people on the religion of Urnootzra. (Jacques) 7-10-02 Nick and Laura's Prom Adventure: The Adventure Continues: An actual play-by-play account of the Classical High School Senior Prom, as seen by two jackasses. (Laura and Nick) 7-9-02 World History Archive: Lance and Eskimo's new sister site, which is a great place for us to disseminate lies. (Us) 7-8-02 A Normal Life Process: The coming of age story of Chefelf and Paul. It involves Patrick Swayze too. (Chefelf) 7-5-02 Why it Would be Kickarse to be Garrett: The benefits of being the backstabbing main character from the game Thief. (Yahtzee) 7-4-02 Happy Holidays!: Merry Christmas to all! (Jacques) 7-3-02 What Do Your Clothes Say About You?: Find out how what you put on in the morning--OR DON'T!!--affects every aspect of your whole entire life. (Girls' Zone) 7-2-02 The Patricia Richardson Ate My Balls Webring: In our continuing effort to break all the rules on our played out list, we've got some topical, topical ball-eating humor for you to enjoy. Try to visit every member of the webring! (Paul) 7-1-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 4): At least he took out N'Sync. (Chefelf) 6-28-02 Everything I Wanted to Know About Michael Jackson I Learned From 'Moonwalker' for the Sega Genesis: Seriously! If I'd never played this game I would never have known that Michael Jackson has the power to transform into a car! (Yahtzee) 6-27-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Sixth: Letters to Inbal continue as the excitement mounts! (Jacques) 6-26-02 Laura and Nick's Prom Adventure: The Adventure Begins: A makeover story. Includes lots of exciting photos! (Nick and Laura) 6-25-02 Who Does Paul Love?: An anthropological study of the enigmatic brother Redcloud that answers the question, does Paul love you? (Anonymous Blonde) 6-24-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 3): Then George Lucas is truly dead. (Chefelf) 6-21-02 The Search For Something (Chapter 3): The Next chapter of my new novel. (Yahtzee) 6-20-02 Zabibah and the King and Jacques: Jacques takes it upon himself to translate Saddam Hussein’s romance novel. (Jacques) 6-19-02 The Tale of Mr. Morton: A Lyrical Analysis: Laura thinks too hard about some Schoolhouse Rock lyrics. (Laura) 6-18-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Twenty-Two: We hang out in Reading and get into a car accident! (Gullible's Travels) 6-17-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Twenty-One: This beginning of a double feature to get these damn travel journals over with. Our "adventure" begins in Birmingham and we see lots of pictures of Lady Godiva in Coventry. (Gullible's Travels) 6-14-02 The Driving Test Flowchart: A simple flowchart for your average driving test. (Yahtzee) 6-13-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Fifth: The Inbal Chronicles continue with Letters to Inbal. (Jacques) 6-12-02 Akimbo!: What? Another Papa Redcloud article?! The wise dad-guy of the Redcloud family returns with some more thoughts about English words. This week: akimbo. (Papa Redcloud) 6-11-02 An Irish Tale: (Flash 6, 240k) What do you get when you cross a family of Irish immigrants with an object of ultimate evil? Dare we say fun-larity? (Paul) 6-10-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 2): The nitpicking continues. (Chefelf) 6-7-02 The Role of the British in Star Trek: A brief rundown of the British driving forces behind the Star Trek franchise. (Yahtzee) 6-6-02 At the rodeo with Natalie Portman: Jacques accompanies Natalie Portman to the rodeo. (Jacques) 6-5-02 Fun with French Spam: Laura got a spam mail in French. See, here at L&E, we embrace the Really Meaningless & Trivial Event.  (Laura)
6-4-02 Casting a Rueful Eye upon Literature: Papa Redcloud discourses on the word "rueful" and why so much of literature sucks. (Papa Redcloud) 6-3-02 The Chris Livingston Interview: The star of notmydesk.com sits down with me and discusses his loves, his life and the one decision that changed his life forever. (Chefelf & Chris Livingston) 5-31-02 The Search For Something (Chapter 2): Chapter two from my new novel. (Yahtzee) 5-30-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Fourth: Jacques considers revising himself in order to become a more appealing human being and win Inbal in the process. (Jacques) 5-29-02 What Kind of Lover is Your Lover?: The Girls' Zone beckons with this new quiz designed especially for those of you with Significant Others and/or Imaginary Sex Partners. (Girls' Zone) 5-28-02 Tegrisome: A new business partner joins the L&E flock. (Tegrisome) 5-27-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II: Reasons to hate the sequel to The Phantom Menace by popular demand. No REALLY, it's the first thing that I've ever done that was actually demanded! (Chefelf) 5-24-02 Jim The Fish: A wonderful tale inspired by Yahtzee's ramblings in a dreamlike state. (Yahtzee & Rhubarb) 5-23-02 Fruity Markers: Why the arts remains such an important appendage to the educational structure. (Jacques) 5-22-02 The Potential Girl Zone Lawsuit: Bitter, bitter ranting. Bitter. (Laura) 5-21-02 George Lucas's Neck Size is Inversely Proportional to the Quality of his Movies: A photo essay. (Paul) 5-20-02 Join the Cub Scouts or DIE!: Recently uncovered propaganda by the Cub Scouts of America. (Chefelf) 5-17-02 This Advert Worries Me: :Yahtzee uncovers a sordid tale of crime and betrayal from what appears to be just a normal advertisement. (Yahtzee) 5-16-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 8): The stunning conclusion. Find out the last eight reasons to hate this movie! And remember, my opinion is right but your opinion is wrong. (Chefelf) 5-15-02 Chili Pepper Logic: WARNING: This article contains material that might get Laura's keyboard washed out with soap, if you get my drift. She might want to consider toning it down.  (Laura)
5-14-02 What's Your Temperament? Personality Test/Medical Diagnostic Tool: This is the actual test administered by Galen right before he gave people mercury to eat. (Paul) 5-13-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Third: Jacques pauses to ponder his attempts at winning Inbal’s affections. (Jacques) 5-10-02 Horror Movie Sequel Theatre: Double Bill: I work overtime and manage to squeeze Nightmare On Elm Street IV and V into ONE article! I really don't know how I do it sometimes. (Yahtzee) 5-9-02 A Matter of Clarification: Is Jacques working for Saturday Night Live? (Jacques) 5-8-02 Do You Assume Too Much About Other People?: Find out in this new quiz by Nick! (Nick) 5-7-02 Comprehension Test of Something Some Crazies Gave Me on the Street: Time travel! The destruction of Jupiter! Those disturbing cervical rings that are popping up everywhere! It's all explained in this reading comprehension passage! (Paul and some crazies) 5-6-02 Extinct Beverage: KMX Energy Drink: Yet another "lightly carbonated" energy drink to tear up your stomach. (Chefelf) 5-4-02 Chefelf.com: The long anticipated blog of America's least favorite Redcloud brother! (Chefelf) 5-3-02 The Search For Something (Chapter 1): The first chapter in my new novel. It has pirates!!! (Yahtzee) 5-2-02 Potential Video Games: The necessity of training children for the future may be relieved through a handy medium. (Jacques) 4-30-02 Fresh New World: How big a poundcake would be needed to cure all the world's ills? (Paul) 4-29-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt.7): Mommy? Why did George Lucas try to ruin our lives? Does he hate us? (Chefelf) 4-26-02 More From The Poetry Corner: A critical analysis of a foggy childhood memory. It's what we specialize in. (Yahtzee) 4-25-02 The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Second: Jacques’s quest to win the heart of Inbal continues as he updates his profile accordingly. (Jacques) 4-24-02 Never Been Kissed, or, I've Never Been So PIssed!: Laura rants and raves about the 1999 Drew Barrymore flick, Never Been Kissed, in which Drew gets a chance to go back to high school and hang out with some nerds. (Laura) 4-23-02 How Long Would it Take to Kill Bill Gates with an Axe?: Finally, proof that Bill Gates is the baddest mofo ever! (Paul, Nate, Rory) 4-22-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Twenty: Our journey to Wales where Laura throws up on me! (Gullible's Travels) 4-19-02 A Night On The Tiles: A true story of my ninja-like adventures one fateful night. (Yahtzee) 4-18-02 The Intricacies Copyright Law: Jacques investigates the brilliant intricacy of copyright law. (Jacques) 4-17-02 Sims Expansions I'd Like To See: Before the release of The Sims: Vacation, which may or may not have already come out, Laura complains that before the Sims take a vacation, maybe they could use some freakin' weekends. (Laura) 4-16-02 15 Reasons why Chocolate is Better than Sex: Do your part! Repeatedly forward this article to all your friends! (Paul) 4-15-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 6): Fear is the path to the dark side... fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate.. hate leads to suffering. (Chefelf) 4-12-02 The Haircut Experience: Fun for some, a time consuming chore for the likes of me. (Yahtzee) 4-11-02 The Romancing of Inbal: Perhaps the most breathtaking thing you’ll ever experience. Jacques’s epic quest to win the heart of an ambivalent Jewish single. (Jacques) 4-9-02 The 2001 Beer Commercial Report: Including an insight into the creation of Spuds the dog. (Paul) 4-8-02 Elf Pickup Lines: Because sometimes humor doesn't have to be funny. (Chefelf) 4-5-02 Why it Would Kick Arse to be an RPG Character: Impressive armor, fantastic weapons, murder by numbers... the list goes on and on. (Yahtzee) 4-4-02 Jacques’s Outlet: Jacques expounds upon his life’s work and focus, to some degree. (Jacques) 4-3-02 What's Your Lip Gloss Personality?: Are you a Sweet Strawberry? A Wild Watermelon? Find out in this Girl Zone quiz! (Girls' Zone) 4-2-02 Bilbo the Talking Gondar: (Flash, 170k) A disastrous foray into the world of children's television. (Paul) 4-1-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 5): This wasn't a disappointment. Disappointment is when you find out that Nickelodeon has taken to playing "Lassie" instead of "Danger Mouse". This was an outrage! (Chefelf) 3-29-02 A Cautionary Tale: It's like Kafka except not as gross or boring. (Yahtzee) 3-28-02 The Possibilities of Awards Shows: Jacques examines the unfairly overlooked possibilities of awards shows. (Jacques) 3-27-02 My Fool is a Crock: Oh my god! Laura wrote a story about the world's worst jester too, entirely coincidentally! (Laura) 3-26-02 My Fool is a Crock: A story about the world's worst jester. (Paul) 3-25-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Nineteen: We see actual Roman Ruins and Laura bathes a plastic dinosaur! (Gullible's Travels) 3-22-02 What I Know About Star Wars: A collection of observations I have made about the inner-working of the Star Wars universe (and sex). (Yahtzee) 3-21-02 The Passions of Greedo: Since 1977, One Star Wars character has outshined all others. One character who until now has hesitated to share his emotions; his triumph, and his pain. (Jacques) 3-20-02 The Star Wars Episode II Betting Book: Just like horse racing, but there's only one horse, and it still loses. (Paul) 3-19-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 4): I hadn't cried in five years before May 19, 1999. (Chefelf) 3-18-02 Some Much-Needed Help for George Lucas: Because it's just possible that Episode II can be improved. (Nick) 3-15-02 Jason X: Preview: A preview for the up and coming horror movie epic, if by "up and coming" you mean "never coming". (Yahtzee) 3-14-02 A Note from the Pocket of Jacques: Jacques’s fumbling solution to the whole dilemma of asking a girl out, diffusing awkwardness, and gentle seduction. (Jacques) 3-13-02 Rags Reviews: Truth For Youth Comics!: Rags, the mischeivious rag doll with a penchant for antagonizing religion, goes up against a Christian comics website. (Rags) 3-12-02 A Consumer Alert: Watch out! Those sites that reunite you with your old classmates may not improve the quality of your old classmates! (Sister Wendy) 3-11-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Eighteen: My spelling lesson for Laura at the stone circles. (Gullible's Travels) 3-8-02 Everything I Ever Wanted to Know About Life I Learned From Hentai Games: And here's a list to prove it! (Yahtzee) 3-7-02 Jacques Gets His Own Website!: Jacques is moving to his own website, and stupidity is following close behind. (Jacques) 3-6-02 Today in the News: Hackers Hate You!: With the onset of this age of technological wonder, you and yours are more at risk from hackers than ever before. (Laura) 3-5-02 The F'ed Up Winners of the Caption the Senators Contest: Captions are revealed and prizes are doled out. (Paul) 3-4-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 3): George Lucas made our generation then waited twenty years to break us. (Chefelf) 3-1-02 Fighting the Good Fight: A letter to Parliament proves to be a successful first step in my crusade to bring back spanking. (Yahtzee) 2-28-02 Ask Lance and Eskimo!: New reader questions are answered in this age-old section of the original Lance and Eskimo website. The pictures are WICKED old! (Laura) 2-27-02 GOD EXISTS!!!: Jacques presents irrefutable evidence. And Fabio!!! (Jacques) 2-26-02 A New Contest!: What you lose in civil liberties you can make up for in prizes! (Paul) 2-25-02 Windows XP Part 5: The conclusion to my tired ranting and complaining about Windows XP. I promise. (Chefelf) 2-22-02 The Future of Technology and the Universe: A new operating system finally comes to fruition. (Jacques) 2-21-02 Further Fun With Crime: Actually very little fun with crime but a whole lot of fun playing the early Final Fantasy games. (Yahtzee) 2-19-02 Bad Ads 2: Another look at the advertisements that keep America in a recession. (Paul) 2-18-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 2): You weren't expecting too much. What you were expecting was a GOOD movie. (Chefelf) 2-15-02 A Public Cervix Announcement: Unnecessary vulgarity could very well be the first step on the road to basic child discipline. (Yahtzee) 2-14-02 Valentine’s Day: A very special Valentine’s Day article for Saturday Night Live’s Tina Fey. (Jacques) 2-13-02 Cyber Speak Candy: In honor of Valentine's Day, a review of a delightful Necco conversation candy. (Laura) 2-12-02 Mr. Bagel Have: A new comic series inspired by this one time I ate a bagel. (Paul) 2-11-02 Amazing But True Cat Facts: All the answers to your insane questions about felines. (Chefelf) 2-8-02 Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday: Finally, the final Friday. (Yahtzee) 2-7-02 Origins of the Internet: Why is it what it is? (Jacques) 2-6-02 In Defense of Me: People are still upset about the whole Lizzie McGuire thing, and some yutz explains why Laura will never make it as a journalist. (Laura) 2-5-02 Paul is At Best Lukewarm About the USA PATRIOT Act: Non-US residents, feel free to stop reading this article now and return to the football hooliganism for which you are so rightly renowned. (Paul) 2-4-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 1): Because bad movies can ruin lives. (Chefelf) 2-1-02 Why It Would Kick Arse To Be Jesus: Being the famous religious son of God guy has its perks. (Yahtzee) 1-31-02 Don’t Abuse Drugs!: A public service announcement as part of Jacques’s plea-bargained community service arrangement. (Jacques) 1-29-02 Ringworld Remembered: Paul and Nate review classic sci-fi novel Ringworld. (Paul and Chefelf) 1-28-02 Windows XP Part 4: Games (pt.3) By purchasing the Windows XP Plus! package you can get THREE more games! And they're the worst games! Now that's $49.95 well spent. (Chefelf) 1-25-02 Fun With Spam: A day spent tidying my inbox turns into an excuse for unsolicited adventure! (Yahtzee) 1-24-02 A New World Order: Jacques outlines his new method for dealing with difficult salespeople and other assorted morons of fluctuating caliber. (Jacques) 1-23-02 Scientists Report The Funniest Joke in the World: Why scientists should never be trusted with the nation's greatest natural resource, the human laugh. (Laura) 1-22-02 Origins: A prequel of sorts. (Paul) 1-21-02 Windows XP Part 3: Games (pt.2) Windows XP allows you to play games online against other Windows XP users! Why pay $9.00 for a checker board when you can use a $1000 computer and avoid all human contact? (Chefelf) 1-18-02 Are You Me?: Finally you can circumvent the lengthy standardized testing! Find out in a matter of minutes whether or not you are me from the convenience of your own dingy hermitage! (Yahtzee) 1-17-02 Leprechaun: The never-ending saga. A story older than time. An epic masterpiece. (Jacques) 1-15-02 A Question of Semantics: In a heart-warming piece, Paul discovers the joy of multiculturalism. (Paul) 1-14-02 Emergency!: The different stages of emergency on the road as I see them. (Chefelf) 1-11-02 Friday the 13th: More fun with crap Commodore 64 games based on horror movies. (Yahtzee) 1-10-02 Jacques Finally Does It!!!: Jacques applies for a job at Saturday Night Live with Tina Fey. He mailed the envelope while eating a powdered donut. (Jacques) 1-9-02 Some Questions for Buffy: Papa Redcloud, the wise sage of the Redcloud family, returns with thoughts on the world of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (Papa Redcloud) 1-8-02 Banned from Broadband: In which the phrase "traffic jam on the information superhighway" is NOT used. (Paul) 1-7-02 Gullible's Travels: Day Seventeen: The day we played a lot of poker and I killed a bug! (Gullible's Travels) 1-4-02 Experimenting With Crime: An exciting day of foiling the police and avoiding Freddy Kreuger. (Yahtzee) 1-3-02 Jacques Asks Jeeves: Jacques bares his soul to Jeeves and, unlike some overpaid whore, Jeeves actually responds. (Jacques) 1-2-02 Retractions: Every so often, Laura is wrong. And when she is, she admits it. Particularly when she is corrected by fiercely fanatic Lizzie McGuire fans, whom she is afraid will form a lynch mob with torches and trendy hair-clips. (Laura) 1-1-02 How to Be a Fancypants: A reference for the rest of us. (Paul) 12-31-01 Windows XP Part 2: Games (pt.1) Here I take a look at the vast "improvements" Microsoft has made to its Solitaire game. Bored secretaries of the world rejoice! (Chefelf) 12-28-01 Planned Eat-Selescence: Paul criticizes Play-Doh for what he percieves as "a tendency to be too delicious." (Paul) 12-27-01 Bruce Campbell and Tad the Banana: Two of the world’s greatest action heroes now join forces with hilarious results! (Jacques) 12-26-01 Windows XP Part 1: The not at all anticipated Chefelf review of Microsoft's new Operating System! (Chefelf) 12-21-01 Why it Would Kick Arse to be Father Christmas: Let's face it... the fat man has got it made! (Yahtzee) 12-20-01 I Can’t Believe the E-mail I Got: This is just getting disgusting. (Jacques) 12-18-01 A Charlie Brown Christmas DVD: (Flash, 900k) Of all the flash films we've ever made, this one is the charlie browniest. (Paul) 12-17-01 Barbarian Queen: The think tank behind the fabulous Deathstalker Series brings us a tale of a woman who is neither a Barbarian nor a Queen. (Chefelf) 12-14-01 Candyman: Day of the Dead: Boobs, blood and a man that despite his name is sadly not made of candy. (Yahtzee) 12-13-01 What To Do With the XFL: What’s the XFL up to now that the season’s over and they’re off the air forever? The adventure of a lifetime! (Jacques) 12-12-01 The Lady or the Tiger, Revisited: Laura grasps at the straws of memories of classic short stories. You know, for someone so young, she has a really crappy memory. Special Feature: Includes review questions! (Laura) 12-11-01 The Azores Mystery: Find the foreshadowing and win a free T-shirt! (Paul) 12-10-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Sixteen: Exploding popcorn and a whole lot of Telly. (Gullible's Travels) 12-7-01 Names of Newspapers: A quick breakdown of England's finest newspapers. (Yahtzee) 12-6-01 Jacques Sees a Movie!: Jacques attends a screening of the movie From Hell, the only movie this season in which Johnny Depp has a mustache! The movie stars Johnny Depp, that delightful guy from Nuns on the Run who isn’t Eric Idle, and a swashbuckling appearance by Johnny Depp’s mustache! (Jacques) 12-5-01 Rags Gets Mail!: Our little antagonistic rag doll catches up on his correspondence. (Rags) 12-4-01 Paul's Dream: (Flash, 67k) Starring the Hardy Boys. (Paul) 12-3-01 Lingerie Poetry: The lovely ladies of daytime TV wax poetic on the sexiest of women's undergarments. (Chefelf) 11-30-01 Jacques Gets Someone Suspended from School!: Jacques actually gets someone suspended from school for reading an article of his! (Jacques) 11-29-01 Trent Pistachio In: The Case of the Undulating Ungulant: Mystery and intrigue flirt with misfortune and heartache in: The Case of the Undulating Ungulant. (Yahtzee) 11-28-01 Remember Adventures in Wonderland?: Remember that old Disney songs-and-morals-type morning kids' show? (Laura) 11-27-01 Sex Degrees of Separation: A little fun toy that will tell you how closely-related celebrities are, sex-wise. (Paul) 11-26-01 Double Trouble: The Barbarian Brothers find themselves on opposite sides of the law and we delight in the antics that follow. (Chefelf) 11-23-01 Maniac Cop 2: Yahtzee reviews a horror film no-one's ever heard of just to prove he really is a fan of the genre. (Yahtzee) 11-22-01 Osama!: The first glimpse at Osama bin Laden’s new situation comedy! You won’t find this anywhere else on the Internet!... unless they steal it from us! (Jacques) 11-21-01 The What Kind Of Girl Are You? Quiz: Are you a good girl or a bad girl? Are you a Girly Girl? A Tough Girl? A Rebel? You need to know! You NEED to know! (Girls' Zone) 11-20-01 The Living Soap: A bonus story, regrettably about soap. (Fiction) 11-20-01 An Exciting WWII Story: Some speculative fiction, not about soap. (Fiction) 11-19-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Fifteen: We actually see "Jurassic Park" this time and go to freakin' Burger King for lunch. (Gullible's Travels) 11-16-01 British Road Signs Sing Gloria Gaynor: (Flash, 230K) Imagine a world where road signs get together and illustrate lyrics from Gloria Gaynor songs. Imagine no more! (Yahtzee) 11-15-01 Jacques Applies to the Daily Show with Jon Stewart!: Jacques is still looking for a job. (Jacques) 11-14-01 A Tale of Virtue: An exciting oral history, including mining and war stories. (Laura and Paul) 11-13-01 Captain Geocities: An all new comic with a brand new superhero/soulless corporate icon! (Paul) 11-12-01 Ghosts & Wizards 'N Goblins & Warriors: An essay on the hardest and easiest Nintendo games ever made. (Chefelf) 11-9-01 Why it Would be Kickarse to be the Pope: With apologies to Sinead O'Connor. (Yahtzee) 11-8-01 Another Stroke of Brilliance on Jacques's Part: An open letter to Saturday Night Live’s Head Writer, Tina Fey (suggesting "improvements" for the show). (Jacques) 11-7-01 The L&E Boyfriend Generator: Yes, we're putting the same feature up for two days. Play it again! The boyfriend is guaranteed to be different. (Paul and Laura ) 11-6-01 The L&E Boyfriend Generator: A brand new quiz that will actually generate a living boy. (Paul and Laura) 11-5-01 Extinct Beverage: Hansen's Slimdown: A drink that will make you slim down! But I'd rather just vomit up my meals. (Chefelf) 11-2-01 The History of Cyber Sex: Finally the long and storied history of cyber sex is revealed. (Yahtzee) 11-1-01 The Day I Met Bruce Campbell - Part Two: Jacques splits up his historic meeting with Bruce Campbell into two irregular parts at an awkward stopping point (like he’s done so much in the past) in order to fulfill his article quota for two whole weeks! (Jacques) 10-31-01 Laura's Halloween History: Again with the personal history. Laura details costumes of Halloweens past. (Laura) 10-30-01 O Canada - a sequel of sorts: Who's more exciting than Laura? Paul. And what's more exciting than Japan? Canada. That's why our new choose-your-own-adventure travelogue is our most gripping yet. (Caolan) 10-29-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Fourteen: Our tour of Freud's house is cut short because we don't want to miss the matinee showing of "Jurassic Park"! But we do anyway. (Gullible's Travels) 10-26-01 I'm Pissed Off: Yahtzee sounds off on the whole Bruce Campbell experience. (Yahtzee) 10-25-01 The Day I Met Bruce Campbell - Part One: Wherein The L&E gang meet Bruce Campbell and Jacques makes a new friend. (Jacques) 10-24-01 An Open Letter of Apology to Bruce Campbell: Mustering all the dignity and class we can, we apologize for some of our book-signing faux pas. (Paul) 10-23-01 Timeline of Involvement with Bruce Campbell: What does Bruce Campbell mean to you? Laura offers some historical background on the true meaning of Bruce Campbell week. (Laura) 10-22-01 Meeting Bruce Campbell: Meeting one of my favorite people in the world turns into an adventure when I find out that he's just as cool in real life as in Brisco County, Jr. (Chefelf) 10-19-01 Indiana Innuendo: A snatch of dialogue from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. (Yahtzee) 10-18-01 Battling the Batting Cages: My experience trying to hit a ball the size of my head with a baseball bat. (Chefelf) 10-17-01 Rags's Home Page: Following his comeback, Laura's little rag doll demanded his own home on the World Wide Web. Enter if you dare. (Rags) 10-16-01 The Fun Book of Fabulous Fast Facts: I got your knowledge right here. (Paul) 10-15-01 The Apology of Lance and Eskimo Dot Com: We at Lance and Eskimo apologize for the fact that our site’s been down for a few days. But it was mostly Jacques’s fault. (Jacques) 10-5-01 Army of Darkness: Horror Movie Sequel Theatre reviews the Bruce Campbell classic. (Yahtzee) 10-4-01 It's the Muppet Show! - Part 2: Part 2 of an in-depth documentary regarding the Muppets, their life and times. The lifelike puppets who at one point had claimed to be “bigger than sex” speak out. (Jacques) 10-3-01 Laura Reviews: Lizzie McGuire: Laura rags on yet another unwatchable ZoogDisney series. (Laura) 10-2-01 Elves vs. the Supernatural: If you like BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER... (Paul) 10-1-01 Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans: One of the four best Deathstalker movies I've ever seen! (Chefelf) 9-28-01 Comedy, Thy Name is Penguin: Yahtzee informs the world on the finest of British chocolate wrapper humor. (Yahtzee) 9-27-01 Jacques Applies For a Job with a Rival Website!: Jacques sends a letter to a rival humor site in an attempt to infiltrate, divide, and conquer it! Will his attempt succeed!? (Jacques) 9-26-01 The Triumphant Return of Rags: Another article from everyone's favorite rag doll with an attitude problem and an affinity for talking back to God. (Rags and Laura) 9-25-01 Pokemon Poop: When cartoon cuties and capitalism collide, what ensues can only be called comedy! (Paul) 9-24-01 The Vegeta Lookout: Pictures of Vegeta out on the town. Submit your pictures here! (Vegeta Girl) 9-21-01 Rob & Paul: (Flash, 1.4 mb) Yahtzee's characters, Rob and Paul, adventure through the world of popcorn, B-movie actors and poor lip synching. (Yahtzee) 9-20-01 It's the Muppet Show! - Part 1: Part 1 of an in-depth documentary regarding the Muppets, their life and times. Just don’t fall asleep in any room with Muppets in it; you’re liable to wake up with a butcher knife hovering over your torso. (Jacques) 9-19-01 Ninjas and Pirates Tested in a Variety of Everyday Situations: Part two of Laura's exploration of ninjas and pirates and their respective merits. (Laura) 9-18-01 Teacher's Day: Omar Gookin's latest Tale stars, oddly, various Lance and Eskimo people as high school teachers. (Omar Gookin) 9-17-01 Gullible's Travels: Day 13: Stephen Fry on Telly and lunch in Burger King... again. (Gullible's Travels) 9-14-01 Elf vs. Its Own Kind: WARNING: Contains a story about a ring. (Laura) 9-13-01 WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO OUR WORLD?!?: Something is definitely happening to our world, and I hope that everyone’s okay. (Jacques) 9-12-01 Ninjas vs. Pirates: Another thesis. (Laura) 9-11-01 Welcome to Linux: Paul grapples with an unfamiliar OS and ruminates on BogoMIPS. (Paul) 9-10-01 Jerry Bruckheimer Plot Generator: Chefelf has journeyed through time to bring back plots and spoilers from the Jerry Bruckheimer movies of the future! (Chefelf) 9-7-01 Halloween H20: Yahtzee takes a look at the thrilling horror movie sequel. (Yahtzee) 9-6-01 An exclusive interview with Bette Midler’s dog!: Get the inside scoop on what’s new with Bette Midler’s dog straight from the source. (Jacques) 9-4-01 L&E Job Applications: Publishing these must be a violation of some privacy law. (Paul) 9-3-01 Extinct Beverage: Lucozade: Do you want to drink the same stuff that gives Lara Croft her energy? You might not want to after you taste it. (Chefelf) 8-31-01 Smells Like Newbury Comics: It's a wicked good article! (Papa Redcloud) 8-30-01 The Onion | America's Finest News Source, which we are not: We are Lance and Eskimo Dot Com. We are not The Onion! (Jacques) 8-29-01 Bears!: the musical: Laura's tribute to bears, and Joey Lawrence. (Laura) 8-28-01 Caption the Senator Contest: It's funny because they can say funny things. (Paul) 8-27-01 Twin Sitters: The Barbarian Brothers' swan song. (Chefelf) 8-24-01 Why it Would be Kickarse to be Mario: Yahtzee breaks down the pros and cons of being the world's most notorious plumber. (Yahtzee) 8-23-01 The Amazing Things About E-mail: An e-mail message that may just change your life, and possibly the world as we know it. And possibly your penis. The future is here! (Jacques) 8-22-01 Girls' Zone Horoscopes Page: I sort of put this up two weeks ago, but hopefully no one has seen it yet. (Girls' Zone) 8-21-01 The Adventures of Rex Blunder, pt. 3: A crudely drawn comic about a dapper playboy. (Paul) 8-20-01 Raka: My Santa (pt. 2): A continuation of the presents that Raka sent me. (Chefelf) 8-17-01 Velcro and Microwave Ovens: Raka discovers that one is not, in fact, the loneliest number: it's 8! Let's all laugh at 8. (Raka) 8-16-01 A Plea to the Oscar Committee: This year, don’t overlook obvious talent. Some people just couldn’t choose the most qualified candidate if it was picking at their ass. (Jacques) 8-15-01 Oregon Tales - Kimberly's Run: Omar Gookin throws his hat back in the ring with another harrowing tale of the road to Oregon! (Omar Gookin) 8-14-01 American Beans: A quick visit to a website where you can learn -- and laugh! -- along with America's least favorite legume (Paul) 8-13-01 Raka: My Santa (pt. 1): Raka sent me a box of stuff. What I found inside was better than Christmas morning. (Chefelf) 8-10-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Twelve: Dinner at Garfunkel's (not as cool as it sounds) and we meet the Queen! (Gullible's Travels) 8-9-01 A Wishbone Young Readers Adventure!: Jacques examines the classic adventures of a dog who travels through space and time by the power of his imagination. He’s obviously destined to kill us all. (Jacques) 8-8-01 Laura at Sanrio Puroland: A month-long trip to a beautiful country with a unique culture and thousands of years of history and all Laura can talk about is the Hello Kitty theme park. (Laura) 8-7-01 The Creepy Cable Cartoon Guy: Don't try to seduce us with your alluring mascots, Cox Communications! We're on to your little games. (Paul) 8-6-01 Pinball Wizardry: The best in spectator gaming since Solitaire. (Chefelf) 8-3-01 Elf vs. Beast (Again): Scary. Realistic. (Paul) 8-2-01 Search for the Elusive Hawaii Steak Elf: The elf with the "coolest threads" is now out and about around town. (Jacques) 8-1-01 A Flattering Proposal: A reader response to Laura's wedding article. (Laura and Raka) 7-31-01 Bad Ads 1: Hey, sometimes it's hard to keep up consistent quality over 30 whole seconds. (Paul) 7-30-01 The Grumpy Whale: A Splash! Picture about a grumpy whale who is less than satisfied with his aquatic lifestyle. (Chefelf) 7-27-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Eleven: Burger King, Sean Connery and Paul's 17th birthday! (Gullible's Travels) 7-26-01 Jacques’s Book Corner: Jacques reviews a Russian classic, weighs in on the sociopolitical factors governing modern-day Russia, and solves all of Russia’s problems simultaneously. (Jacques) 7-25-01 The Party: A short story about demons and dinner parties... well at least ONE of each. (Yahtzee) 7-24-01 Stop the Denial of Service Attacks: A Plea for Sanity: In which we invoke the twin gods of LnE.com: Kurt Russell and God. (Paul) 7-23-01 The F'ing Birds!: My struggle for sleep during Chirpfest 2001. (Chefelf) 7-20-01 Elf vs. Its Mom: Angst-ridden. (Paul and Laura) 7-20-01 Elf vs. Beast: A bonus story, filled with despair. A tail of redemption and a lion. (Paul) 7-20-01 Elf vs. God: Another bonus story, this one heavenly. (Laura) 7-19-01 Does Spinach Give One Superhuman Powers?: An objective experiment conducted by someone who wants to return to high school and kick some ass. (Jacques) 7-18-01 Are You a Serial Killer?: A handy quiz to finally answer that nagging question: Am I a serial killer? (Yahtzee) 7-17-01 My Stupid Eye Adventure, Part 2: Paul goes back to the eye doctor, futher humiliates himself, and weeps openly. (Paul) 7-16-01 Think Big: The Barbarian Brothers' Magnum Opus. (Chefelf) 7-13-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Ten: Paul and I hike through some woods and then see the movie "Django." (Gullible's Travels) 7-12-01 Erotic Science-Fiction: You know you want it. The best erotic science-fiction on the Internet and, quite possibly, in the universe. (Jacques) 7-11-01 Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors: Yahtzee reviews the classic horror movie sequel. (Yahtzee) 7-10-01 Hawaii Five-Oh-Yeah!: The top 7 reasons why it's the best show ever. (Paul) 7-9-01 Extinct Beverage: Red Bull: The beverage that promises to "give you wings." (Chefelf) 7-6-01 Elf vs. Society: Angst-ridden. (Paul) 7-5-01 The Tragedy of Snagglepuss: The tragedy to end all tragedies, literally. It is a tragedy that this was written. (Jacques) 7-4-01 My Tribute to the U.S.: Yahtzee takes a look at what makes America so great. (Yahtzee) 7-3-01 Ah, Japan: So Laura's in Japan for a month, that lucky stiff. No need to be jealous... with this choose-your-own-adventure, you can have the exact same experience she's having! (Paul) 7-2-01 E.T. Extra Terrestrial Savior: Ever feel like prostrating yourself in front of E.T.? There's a reason why. Find out here. (Chefelf) 6-30-01 Where God Went Wrong: Just a little bit of advice for the Almighty. (Yahtzee) 6-29-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Nine: Our trip see the Phantom of the Opera and our quest to find Paddington Bear! (Gullible's Travels) 6-28-01 Sh*t Happens: And thankfully John Wayne and Elvis were around because of it. Plus, constructing your own John Wayne or Elvis with all the ingredients you need right at home! (Jacques) 6-27-01 The Lance and Eskimo Conversation Generator: Select your favorite L&E characters and generate conversations between them. It's fun! (Paul and Laura) 6-26-01 The Adventures of Rex Blunder, pt. 2: A crudely drawn comic about a dapper playboy. (Paul) 6-25-01 Your Grandfather's Moustache: A Splash! picture dedicated to the world famous restaurant: Your Grandfather's Moustache. (Chefelf) 6-23-01 Why it Would Kick Arse to be Freddy Krueger: Something we've all known for a long time, but no-one's been able to put into words. (Yahtzee) 6-22-01 Elves vs. Nature: Grim. Tragic. (Paul) 6-21-01 I'm Tito Jackson!: A Tito Jackson exclusive! Tito Jackson actually contacted us and wrote an article! Please welcome our new staff writer, Tito Jackson, the new Brother Redcloud! (Jacques) 6-20-01 The Girls' Zone Gossip Page: A venue to exchange possibly life-destroying gossip. (Girls' Zone) 6-19-01 My Stupid Eye Adventure: Paul, still under the impression that he is a clever man, wonder why he screws up simple things like a trip to the eye doctor. (Paul) 6-18-01 The Legend of Zelda Enemies, Part Two: Chefelf explores the enemies of the underworld from Nintendo's Legend of Zelda. (Chefelf) 6-15-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Eight: We go to the Imperial War Museum and eat at Starburger! (Gullible's Travels) 6-14-01 False Advertising: An in-depth examination of how rapper Eminem misrepresents himself at the expense of a sweeter act. (Jacques) 6-13-01 Girls' Zone Fashion Page: Actually an essay by Rory. (Girls' Zone) 6-12-01 Latex Implement: A slick new business joins the LnE community. (Paul) 6-11-01 Gnomesong!: (Flash, 1mb) Chefelf's first film. Depending on box office revenue, maybe his last. (Chefelf) 6-8-01 Three Go In, Two Come Out, and a Squirrel Follows: A story about the redeeming power of love and turning people into squirrels. (Laura) 6-7-01 Jacques Takes Back Concession!!!: It seems Jacques may have been a bit premature in his concession. (Jacques) 6-6-01 Laura's Crush Page: Revamped and girlimized for the Girl Zone. (Girls' Zone) 6-5-01 Armageddon: More like GIRLmageddon!: A timely review of the 1998 extinction-level-event classic. (Paul) 6-4-01 My New Apartment: A look at various aspects of my new residence. (Chefelf) 6-1-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Seven: We go to see "Les Miserables" and I teach Laura to worship me! (Gullible's Travels) 5-31-01 Shocking New Developments!: Jacques demands recount and then announces his gracious concession from the Cuteness Elections! (Jacques) 5-30-01 The Are You A Girl? Quiz: Find out once and for all! (Girls' Zone) 5-29-01 Domains for Sale: Like throwing good money after bad? Then why not invest some of these hot domain names? (Paul) 5-28-01 Totally Rad: A most triumphant game about some excellent dudes, Dude! (Chefelf) 5-26-01 Murder, and How to Get Away With It: Practical advice for those interested in butchering a few close friends and relatives. (Yahtzee) 5-25-01 Brothers Redcloud Cuteness Vote: Lance: This is the last one, we promise. (Lance) 5-24-01 Cutest Redcloud Brother - Jacques: Because when he smiles, it's heavenly. (Jacques) 5-23-01 Why You Should Vote For Laura: Some sweet, sweet negative campaigning by Laura. (Laura) 5-22-01 Brothers Redcloud Cuteness Vote: Paul: Paul weighs in on the cuteness issue. (Paul) 5-21-01 Elect Chefelf: Why I should be voted the cutest Redcloud brother. (Chefelf) 5-19-01 Freudian interpretation to Horror Movie Dream Sequences: Can Hollywood and psychology find common ground? (Yahtzee) 5-18-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Six: Our trip to Oxford where we... *sigh* buy art supplies. (Gullible's Travels) 5-17-01 CHUD vs. the Board of Education: Read an excerpt from the transcript of this landmark court decision on CHUD (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers). (Jacques) 5-16-01 Secret Hidden Agenda of Girls: No boys allowed!!! (Girls' Zone) 5-15-01 I Don't Like those Game Shows That Much: Paul takes a unique stand. (Paul) 5-14-01 Deathstalker III: The Warriors From Hell: Deathstalker smirks his way through an encounter with a flamboyantly gay wizard and into our hearts. (Chefelf) 5-12-01 Advanced Astrology: Yahtzee presents: slightly more accurate horoscopes. Plus, a competition! (Yahtzee) 5-11-01 Angel Force II: The Sidekick: Rory adds the finishing touch to Angel Force that will propel it to greatness. (Rory) 5-10-01 The Girl Who Does the News, Part 2: More of our exclusive interview with Saturday Night Live's frank and fierce firebrand, Tina Fey. (Jacques) 5-9-01 Girls' Zone: Laura's tribute to being a girl. (Girls' Zone) 5-8-01 The Adventures of Rex Blunder, pt. 1: A crudely drawn comic about a dapper playboy. (Paul) 5-7-01 The Legend of Zelda -- Enemies (part one): Chefelf explores the enemies of the overworld from Nintendo's "Legend of Zelda." (Chefelf) 5-4-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Five: I get yelled at in Westminster Abbey and finally get off my ass and have a crumpet. (Gullible's Travels) 5-3-01 The Girl Who Does the News, Part 1: An exclusive interview with Saturday Night Live's feisty firebrand, Tina Fey. (Jacques) 5-2-01 Angel Force: Laura wastes her time imagining that a religious show was actually an anime movie. (Laura) 5-1-01 LnE Special HealthWatchZone Special Report: Dandruff: Breaking medical news before it breaks us. (Paul) 4-30-01 What Goes Up Must Come Dow: My day as a Stock Market guy. (Chefelf) 4-28-01 Poetry corner: St Ives: An analysis of the St. Ives poem. (Yahtzee) 4-27-01 The Rubies of Omeron: High fantasy with lots of irritating color words. (Paul and Laura) 4-26-01 Officer Kitty: Jacques's sure to succeed movie concept. (Jacques) 4-25-01 Laura's Future Wedding: Genetically, Laura is a girl. This means that she has thought about what her wedding will be like. (Laura) 4-24-01 The Carl Sagan Song : (Flash, 112k) Our latest animation is dedicated to the late, great Carl Sagan. (Paul) 4-23-01 Mu Mu Bunny Lips: A Splash! picture of the insidious Mumu Bunnylips! (Chefelf) 4-21-01 How (not) to use superpowers: How (not) to get superpowers 2: The Revenge. (Yahtzee) 4-20-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Four: The day we discovered Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles and doner Kebabs. (Gullible's Travels) 4-19-01 Star Wars: A Dissertation: The burning question, finally answered. Children, get your parents’s permission before reading this article. (Jacques) 4-18-01 Shawn Cuteness Chart: Illustrates Shawn's cuteness for every season of Boy Meets World. (Laura) 4-17-01 OTIS: An Eiffel Tower Expose: Paul uncovers the grim secrets locked in Eiffel Tower propaganda. WARNING: You can't unsee the contents of this article. (Paul) 4-16-01 Sorceress: Womankind's answer to the Barbarian Brothers. Unfortunately it was the wrong answer. (Chefelf) 4-14-01 Why it Would Kick Arse to be a Pokemon Trainer: Not only would it kick arse, it would also make everyday household tasks a lot easier. (Yahtzee) 4-13-01 Rory's Controversial Political Cartoon: Rory takes an enigmatic stand against censorship. (Rory) 4-12-01 3000 Miles to Graceland: My Ass!: A piece to put a whole bunch of things in perspective... through my ass! (Jacques) 4-11-01 Rainbow Connection Confusion: Muddling through a Muppets song. (Laura) 4-10-01 My Trip to France: Paul's dazzling tour of all the French landmarks he didn't see. (Paul) 4-9-01 People with Girlfriends: Want to know what makes them tick? Find out here. (Chefelf) 4-7-01 Why Cinemas Suck: A special feature explaining why theatres aren't all they're cracked up to be. (Yahtzee) 4-6-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Three: Read about us eating Sultana Bran and playing poker. (Gullible's Travels) 4-5-01 The Being Kurt Russell Giveaway Sweepstakes: Are you Kurt Russell? If so you can win fabulous prizes! (Jacques) 4-4-01 Wuzup God Messages Part Deux: This is the last one, I promise. (Laura) 4-3-01 Paul vs. the Airlines: Paul flies the friendly skies and breaks them. (Paul) 4-2-01 The Legend of Zelda -- Characters: A brief rundown of the various characters present in Nintendo's "Legend of Zelda." (Chefelf) 3-31-01 Why it Would Kick Arse to be Arnold J. Rimmer: Yes it would kick arse, and no I haven't gone mad. (Yahtzee) 3-30-01 Gullible's Travels: Day Two: Our arrival in England and the beginning of our bout with jet lag. (Gullible's Travels) 3-29-01 Relationship Checklist: Ten signs your relationship is on the rocks. (Jacques) 3-28-01 Wuzup God Messages: Godspeaks commentary continues with the messages from WuzupGod.com. (Laura) 3-27-01 Guy in the Elevator: Paul makes the startling discovery that not all commercials make sense. (Paul) 3-26-01 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Americans speak their mind about the martial arts epic. (Chefelf) 3-24-01 The Filing Cabinet: One of life's greatest mysteries explained. (Yahtzee) 3-23-01 Gullible's Travels: Day One: Paul, Nate and Laura depart on their journey across the Atlantic. (Gullible's Travels) 3-22-01 He-Man Theatre: See why Shakespeare's a bit more accessible than you may have thought. Reserve tickets at the Mattel-Hasbro Centrum. (Jacques) 3-21-01 Messages from God: I'm talking about all those billboards and bus signs. What's up with them? (Laura) 3-20-01 Paul Works: Maybe it's just all the toner I've ingested talking, but that looks like Paul in a dress shirt. Dazzling! (Paul) 3-19-01 Spelunker: An "Indiana Jones" type adventure for the Nintendo Entertainment System that taught my generation to fear its own mortality! (Chefelf) 3-17-01 Yahtzee has a crack at ranting: And it's about time. (Yahtzee) 3-16-01 Are You Nate's Girlfriend Material?: Find out if you're right for our own resident chef elf guy. (Laura and Paul) 3-15-01 The Content-Free Vegeta Girl Zone: Go here for the most extensive Dragon Ball Z site ever put on the Internet entirely while watching "Knight Riders." (Vegeta Girl) 3-14-01 Conversation Heart Messages Part II: Continuing commentary on those candy hearts you get at Valentine's day. (Laura) 3-13-01 Other Conversation Hearts: The Post-Valentine Conversation Heartstravaganza continues with this look at rare conversation heart varieties. (Paul) 3-12-01 Iron Warrior: A movie about some walking, some slow motion and some adobe. (Chefelf) 3-10-01 Friday the 13th part 2: The beginnings of the ill-fated 'bag on head' fashion statement of the 1980's. (Yahtzee) 3-9-01 Paul's Ignorant Octopus Spin Doctor: Our most ambitious, and, arguably, our most enigmatic film. (Paul) 3-8-01 Mother Nature's Fury: As Rhode Island reels from the devestation of a natural weather pattern, Chefelf tries to make sense of the situation. (Chefelf) 3-7-01 Lance and Eskimo Comix Trivia Quiz: When it comes to L&E trivia, are you a Lance and Eskimo Samurai or Grasshopper? (Laura) 3-6-01 Conversation Heart Messages Part I: Commentary on those candy hearts you get at Valentine's day. (Laura) 3-5-01 The Legend of Zelda -- Level Bosses: Chefelf explores the Level Bosses of Nintendo's classic "Legend of Zelda." (Chefelf) 3-4-01 The Lance and Eskimo Career Aptitude Test (Short Version): This shorter but no less accurate version of the L&ECAT (or "Le Cat" as we like to call it) can give you your ideal career in just one (1) question. (Laura) 3-4-01 The Lance and Eskimo Career Aptitude Test: Find out your ideal career. Up to and including 27 career paths to choose from! (Laura) 3-3-01 Why it would Kick Arse to be Captain of the Enterprise: Just let me know when I start saying the obvious. (Yahtzee) 3-2-01 Angel Blue's Bingo Page: Now you can add competitive bingo fun to Pokémon, Sailor Moon, Robotech, Xena: Warrior Princess, Friends, superhero shows, Hawaii Five-Oh, and other quality TV shows. (Angel Blue) 3-1-01 The Sarah Mitt Collection: A collection of Splash! pictures of or involving the enigmatic Sarah Mitt and her life. (Chefelf) 2-28-01 Rachel's World: She's the cutest little goth girl you ever did see. (Rachel) 2-27-01 Sprinkles and Jimmies: What constitutes a jimmy? Laura's efforts to prove Paul wrong. (Laura) 2-26-01 Emergency Steak: For when you are out of steak but have some hamburger and Wheaties lying around. (Chefelf) 2-23-01 Why it Would Kick Arse to be Undead: WARNING! Intro cartoon for this article not suitable for young children! (Yahtzee) 2-22-01 Extinct Beverage: Orbitz: What if Pikachu pooped in some Pine Sol? Find out in this review. (Chefelf and Paul) 2-21-01 Lycos Image Search Adventures: Searching the Internet for hot pics of Rob Lowe was never so much fun! You know, before. When you did that. (Laura) 2-20-01 Paul's Virtual Bar: It's lame to spend all night on the internet, but it's cool to spend all night in a bar, right? Now at Paul's Virtual Bar you can do both! (Paul) 2-19-01 Skyscraper: Anna-Nicole Smith's epic adventure through a really small skyscraper. (Chefelf and Paul) 2-17-01 Recipes from around the world: A tasty alternative to turkey for Christmas. (Yahtzee) 2-16-01 Can Technology: Sauntering down the evolutionary trail. (Chefelf) 2-15-01 The Lewgosset Musk World Domination Page: Lewgosset Musk is "dedicated to the proposition that anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of HTML can waste everyone's time." So are we. (Lewgosset Musk) 2-14-01 The Worst Film Ever: Well, second worst. According to our bastards to the north. (Paul) 2-13-01 Bad Street Brawler: The classic game for NES. If by classic you mean 'not at all popular or classic.' (Chefelf) 2-12-01 Titan A.E.: It's like a titan, but it's after Earth. (Laura) 2-10-01 Evil Dead 2: A horror movie hero who isn't a complete moron? Can it be true? (Yahtzee) 2-9-01 The Random Talk Show Generator: Oh, those wacky talk shows. (Laura) 2-6-01 Extinct Beverage: Chubby: A delicious soft drink from the West Indies. (Chefelf) 2-5-01 The Lance and Eskimo Personality Test: You've spent years trying to figure out who you really are. Well, now thanks to the Internet, you can find out in minutes! (Laura and Paul) 2-3-01 Why it Would Kick Arse to be Lara Croft: I saw this one coming a mile off. (Yahtzee) 2-2-01 The Misbegotten Oregon Trail Journal Site: Omar Gookin's rousing tales of frontier adventure transcend adjectives, except perhaps for "stultifying." (Omar Gookin) 2-1-01 The Official "The Day Chris Said "Wicked Fine"" Gush Page: If there's 3 things we love, they're official pages, poorly executed flash, and nested quotes. This page offers all three. (Paul and Laura) 1-31-01 The Sword and the Sorcerer: A fantastic movie about a man, a 3-bladed sword and another man. (Chefelf) 1-30-01 The Legend of Zelda -- Items: Chefelf explores the different items for Nintendo's "Legend of Zelda." (Chefelf) 1-29-01 Fantasy Classics: Hark! Mine leathern boot dost not oath. But first, I review all classic works of fantasy I could think of. (Laura) 1-27-01 Why it Would Kick Arse to be Guybrush Threepwood: Let no-one say I don't really play adventure games anymore. (Yahtzee) 1-26-01 The Totally Unauthorized Dune Guy Website!: We also love unauthorized pages. And Dune Guy. We love Dune Guy. (Dune Guy) 1-25-01 The Expletive Random Generator: Ever dropped a hammer on a foot, been dumped, or been turned into a swan by a mysterious curse, and not known how to express your chagrin? Let your computer do your cussin' for you. (Laura) 1-24-01 48 Minutes in Home Depot: A play-by-play recount of one man's misery. (Chefelf) 1-23-01 Angel Blue: Come for the riot grrls, stay for the media bingo fun. (Angel Blue) 1-22-01 Boy Meets World Character Reviews: My opinion on every character. (Laura) 1-20-01 Hellraiser 2: Puzzle boxes, people with no skin, and other people with nails in their heads. Fun! (Yahtzee) 1-18-01 Glen Yarbrough: (shrugs) Some folk guy. (Paul) 1-17-01 Nabisco's Triscuits: Laura and Chefelf "let the dogs out" on the Nabisco company. (Laura and Chefelf) 1-16-01 What Women Want: I still don't know. (Laura) 1-13-01 The Adventures of Mr. Zombie Man: There is life after rebirth. (Yahtzee) 1-12-01 The Empress is Dying: An unfinished drama about an empress, and a princess, and some jam, and a boy who looks like a toad. (Caolan) 1-11-01 Utena Questions: The neverending list... (Laura) 1-10-01 The Anime Title Random Generator: Now you can have limitless obscure anime shows to wish they would translate into English. Our favorite so far: "Manly Girl Kihika." (Laura) 1-8-01 Wonder Years: Or, Boy Met World (Laura) 1-6-01 Why it Would Kick Arse to be Invisible: As Kevin Bacon should have noted. (Yahtzee) 1-5-01 Moist Towelette Companies: fall victim to an attack of praise by our ridiculous heroine. (Laura) 1-4-01 The Binary L&E Promo: Get ready for some pulse-pounding technological fun, and poop. (Paul) 1-2-01 This Glorious City Weather Report: What's the weather like in Lance and Eskimo's home town? Is it sunny? or is it raining men? (Paul and Laura) 12-29-00 Karate Kid movies: Three really good movies... and the other (Laura) 12-27-00 Arthur: A Study in Third-Grade Transvestism and Bondage (Laura) 12-22-00 Betty Crocker Corporation: gets to "smell what Laura is cookin'" (heh heh) when she points out a tragic oversight in the packaging of Disney's Princess Fruit Rolls. (Laura) 12-21-00 Lance and Eskimo Comix: A comic series about a boy, a girl, some more girls, and the ape who is their landlord. It's avant garde! It's cutting edge! It's jejune! (Laura)
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