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The Rant Archives

Here is a collection of articles which involve me complaining.

3-31-09 Why I Hate People That Self-Identify as Nerds or Geeks: Chefelf doesn't like it when people think they're all awesome and unique because they do the same thing as millions of other people. (Chefelf)
1-26-09 Life on Mars Towed My Car: Chefelf wakes up to discover that a crummy TV show remake of a BBC show has ordered his car towed with no notice. Can they do that? Apparently they can. (Chefelf)
11-14-08 Remembering The Box Set: Chefelf thinks it's funny to think about CD box sets. (Chefelf)
10-21-08 Some Things I'm Sick Of: Chefelf has had it with a few of these things. (Chefelf)
9-22-08 Why I Hate iTunes: A rambling manifesto on why Chefelf hates iTunes. (Chefelf)
7-20-08 Tour de France Commercial Recap, Week 2: As the second week of the Tour de France ends, Chefelf reflects on the grueling efforts of the bike riders through one of the most physically challenging sporting events in the history of the world on the cruddy commercials they play on the Versus channel. (Chefelf)
7-11-08 Tour de France Recap, Week 1: Chefelf reflects on the first week of the Tour de France. Well, not so much about the race as about the commentators he hates and all of the commercials that he is tired of. (Chefelf)
5-21-08 The Subway Is Not Your Office!: Yet terrible artists, knitters and business men seem to think it is. (Chefelf)
11-29-07 Why I Don't Want an Amazon Kindle For Christmas: Chefelf takes a look at Amazon's new e-book reader, the one gadget that certainly won't make it onto his Christmas list this year. (Chefelf)
9-24-07 The Excuse Falls Flat: Chefelf takes a look at The View's Sherri Shepherd, her feelings on the Earth being flat, and a phenomenally poor display of back-pedaling. (Chefelf)
8-27-07 My Childhood Is Better Than Your Childhood: Chefelf explores the difference in childhood entertainment over the past 30 years. Features some pretty awesome clips from Sesame Street and some not so awesome clips from another less cool children's show. (Chefelf)
8-14-07 Daisy May's BBQ USA Commercial: Chefelf takes a look at the commercial for Daisy May's BBQ USA, a New York City BBQ restaurant. Spoiler: It's rather incredible. (Chefelf)
7-11-07 Born From Jets: An Open Letter to Saab: Chefelf takes a look at Saab's 'Born From Jets' advertising campaign and wonders if this is something they should be bragging about. (Chefelf)
5-24-07 The Played Out List: Episode 1: BOM-Chicka BOW-WOW!: The first chapter in an unspecified number of chapters on things that have been well overdone. (Chefelf)
5-16-07 Death of a Coffee Cup: Chefelf explores what happens when his favorite coffee mug breaks and he has to find a new one. No one should have to deal with such misfortune. (Chefelf)
2-19-07 The Shit Is Bananas: While going through some old files I found this scrap that I'd written in 2004 about the Gwen Stefani hit, "Hollaback Girl." The release of Gwen Stefani's new album, The Sweet Escape made me think that this would be perfect timing to discuss a song that's two and a half years old! Topical.

Warning: If you are sensitive to use of the word shit then please don't read this article.

Double Warning: Also, if you are sensitive to use of the word shit don't read the title of this article or either of the two warning messages. (Chefelf)
9-7-06 Bob Dylan Can Go To Hell: A look at Bob Dylan's comments on the state of modern music and how he's better than everyone and everything that's ever existed. (Chefelf)
1-24-05 The Many Faces of Alan Greenspan: The man, the myth, the cyborg. (Chefelf)
8-18-03 Key Food: The "key" is apparently being the worst at what you do. (Chefelf)
8-11-03 Top 10 Funniest Things People Yell at Me When I'm Riding My Bike: When I ride my bike through the streets of Norther Rhode Island and Southern Massachusetts, many people feel it is their comedic obligation to yell clever things out of their car windows at me. I decided to compile a list of the funniest things people have yelled at me so far. (Chefelf)
7-14-03 Additional Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 2): Yet more reasons to be filled with bitterness and hatred. (Chefelf)
6-19-03 Additional Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 1): Hundreds of people have emailed me to tell me that there are additional reasons to hate Episode II. In order to keep this list comprehensive I have decided to begin listing their reasons. (Chefelf)
6-16-03 MSN's iloo: Festivalgoers in Britain this summer will be able to try out Microsoft's internet-enabled portable toilet. (Originally appeared in "The Bacon" Volume 1, Issue 2.) (Chefelf)
6-9-03 Karma Chameleon: It's more than just a lousy song from the 80's. It's the new symbol of global telecommunications. (Chefelf)
5-12-03 Pictures of Texas State Officials: An in depth look at pictures of the healthy and happy Republicans that run the great state of Texas. Don't mess with them. (Chefelf)
4-21-03 Computer Keyboards: A breeding ground for unnecessary features. (Chefelf)
4-14-03 Please "Flush". Thank's.: An ongoing battle over the state of New England signage practices. (Chefelf)
4-7-03 No Bone Movies: A bit of nostalgia about the early years of Ozzy Osbourne's solo career. (Chefelf)
3-31-03 Where's the Protocol? (part 1) - How to Get a Coffee: The proper way to get a coffee. A survival guide for when I'm the King of the World and you want to keep your sorry ass out of prison. (Chefelf)
3-28-03 Person Without Girlfriend: Be nice to Yahtzee. He's not very happy right now. (Yahtzee)
3-21-03 Snormula 1: Yahtzee is enthusiastic about motor racing. Enthusiastic in his hatred, that is! Ho ho! (Yahtzee)
2-10-03 Love: Man's Greatest Fear: A warm up for Valentine's Day. It's half article, half mindless rant, half sure to embarrass Jen and all article that is sure to embarrass me. It goes on and on and doesn't really make any point! You'll love it! (Chefelf)
10-7-02 What is the Purpose of Life?: According to some Christians it is to tease wild bobcats. (Chefelf)
9-16-02 Motion to Strike... COMEDY GOLD!: A day in court proves to be the inspiration for great comic adventures. (Chefelf)
9-2-02 Not for Nibblers: The makers of Triscuit snack crackers don't want you eating their disgusting product. Find out why. (Chefelf)
8-19-02 Bullseye: Chefelf survives a close call with some members of the NRA. (Chefelf)
7-29-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 6): The stunning conclusion to my mindless bitching. (Chefelf)
7-15-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 5): Maybe N'Sync would have improved things. (Chefelf)
7-1-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 4): At least he took out N'Sync. (Chefelf)
6-24-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 3): Then George Lucas is truly dead. (Chefelf)
6-10-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 2): The nitpicking continues. (Chefelf)
5-27-02 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II: Reasons to hate the sequel to The Phantom Menace by popular demand. No REALLY, it's the first thing that I've ever done that was actually demanded! (Chefelf)
5-20-02 Join the Cub Scouts or DIE!: Recently uncovered propaganda by the Cub Scouts of America. (Chefelf)
5-16-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 8): The stunning conclusion. Find out the last eight reasons to hate this movie! And remember, my opinion is right but your opinion is wrong. (Chefelf)
4-29-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt.7): Mommy? Why did George Lucas try to ruin our lives? Does he hate us? (Chefelf)
4-15-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 6): Fear is the path to the dark side... fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate.. hate leads to suffering. (Chefelf)
4-1-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 5): This wasn't a disappointment. Disappointment is when you find out that Nickelodeon has taken to playing "Lassie" instead of "Danger Mouse". This was an outrage! (Chefelf)
3-19-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 4): I hadn't cried in five years before May 19, 1999. (Chefelf)
3-4-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 3): George Lucas made our generation then waited twenty years to break us. (Chefelf)
2-25-02 Windows XP Part 5: The conclusion to my tired ranting and complaining about Windows XP. I promise. (Chefelf)
2-18-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 2): You weren't expecting too much. What you were expecting was a GOOD movie. (Chefelf)
2-11-02 Amazing But True Cat Facts: All the answers to your insane questions about felines. (Chefelf)
2-4-02 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 1): Because bad movies can ruin lives. (Chefelf)
1-28-02 Windows XP Part 4: Games (pt.3) By purchasing the Windows XP Plus! package you can get THREE more games! And they're the worst games! Now that's $49.95 well spent. (Chefelf)
1-21-02 Windows XP Part 3: Games (pt.2) Windows XP allows you to play games online against other Windows XP users! Why pay $9.00 for a checker board when you can use a $1000 computer and avoid all human contact? (Chefelf)
1-14-02 Emergency!: The different stages of emergency on the road as I see them. (Chefelf)
12-31-01 Windows XP Part 2: Games (pt.1) Here I take a look at the vast "improvements" Microsoft has made to its Solitaire game. Bored secretaries of the world rejoice! (Chefelf)
12-26-01 Windows XP Part 1: The not at all anticipated Chefelf review of Microsoft's new Operating System! (Chefelf)
11-12-01 Ghosts & Wizards 'N Goblins & Warriors: An essay on the hardest and easiest Nintendo games ever made. (Chefelf)
10-18-01 Battling the Batting Cages: My experience trying to hit a ball the size of my head with a baseball bat. (Chefelf)
8-6-01 Pinball Wizardry: The best in spectator gaming since Solitaire. (Chefelf)
7-23-01 The F'ing Birds!: My struggle for sleep during Chirpfest 2001. (Chefelf)
7-2-01 E.T. Extra Terrestrial Savior: Ever feel like prostrating yourself in front of E.T.? There's a reason why. Find out here. (Chefelf)
6-4-01 My New Apartment: A look at various aspects of my new residence. (Chefelf)
4-30-01 What Goes Up Must Come Dow: My day as a Stock Market guy. (Chefelf)
4-9-01 People with Girlfriends: Want to know what makes them tick? Find out here. (Chefelf)
3-8-01 Mother Nature's Fury: As Rhode Island reels from the devestation of a natural weather pattern, Chefelf tries to make sense of the situation. (Chefelf)
2-16-01 Can Technology: Sauntering down the evolutionary trail. (Chefelf)
1-24-01 48 Minutes in Home Depot: A play-by-play recount of one man's misery. (Chefelf)

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